I feel so bad for DH (can I confide in you for a minute?)

myafoo

We haven't had sex since we found out we're pregnant.  In fact, we haven't even had foreplay.  Although, we ARE very affectionate- always smooching and snuggling. 

For one, I am a little nervous to have intercourse this early in pregnancy. And I have told myself that "I should "take care" of him tonight" numerous times, but I'm always to nauseous, too tired and/or I have a massive headache.  That said, along with the bloat, I do not feel sexy.  So I end up passing out every night. 

DH & I are very open and have discussed it, and he just says he's fine it's ok and he's just been really tired himself lately.  (He leaves for work at 4:15 every morning because he has a 2.5 hr. commute.)  I think he's just being sweet.

As far as we both feel for the moment, neither of us really feel unfulfilled.  I just don't want us to get caught in a rut.  In the past, we were both always so into it.

I know it's ultimately up to us, but I guess I just wanna feel that connection with him again soon.  So I ask you, was it this way for you in the first trimester?  Did it get better? 

ashley0616

With DD, we didn't have sex for the first 13 weeks because I was so tired and he was freaked out about the sex-during-pregnancy thing. Then in the second trimester my sex dreams really vamped my sex drive and things were much better. Then in the third tri I felt too fat to be sexy, so sex was less frequent. I think what you guys are gonig thru is normal and happens all the time, and it will get better. )

Useonfire

We haven't had intercourse since 20 weeks, and before then it was 10, and before that it was BFP.  Even on our Babymoon, he was too weirded out by my belly so I helped him take care of business but that was the only action I saw (and that was a month ago!)

I'm going to try and convince him this weekend... it's been too long.  Yeah, my belly is all out in front but maybe with the lights off, no one will notice. haha

MelissaAB5579

My whole pregnancy has been like that. In the first tri I was way too sick, nervous, tired. In the 2nd tri I was put on pelvic rest for partial previa & now I think once the doctor gives the OK, I am going to feel too uncomfortable/big to enjoy it.

Lucky428

First of all, please don't feel bad.  Being pregnant after a loss is terrifying.  Secondly, take it as YOU want it, not what you feel obligated to.

I'm over 31 weeks pregnant and we have not had intercourse.  I have given him bjs (sorry TMI) a few times a month.  The main reason I do it is to thank him for never ever pressuring me or even asking about sex.

We won't have sex for the remainder of the pregnancy and we are both okay with it.

It's wonderful you have the lines of communication open.  Do whatever you feel comfortable with. 

And don't feel bad for DH- he can always take care of himself!

ibis

Yes, this is very normal and common... even for people who have not been through a loss. I can't remember when we first had sex again after our BFP but I think it was a few weeks. And honestly I didn't enjoy it all through first trimester and the beginning of second... I've just started to get to the point where I actually want to do it sometimes!

I think it's good that you just talk about it and check in with DH to see how he's hanging in there... if he's understanding about it then don't feel guilty. It is normal.

Vandy05

We didnt until 16 weeks! I felt horrible but neither of us wanted to risk it. We were better in 2 nd tri and now in 3rd tri I am jsut so akward. I am sure DH understands.

crysbena

We didn't have sex from the BFP until 10.5 weeks... and only b/c we heard the hb on the doppler.  That was our little rule.  It really helped too because at least there was an end in sight.  We had lots of playful looks, touches, and inside jokes that sort of made it fun.... kind of like dating again.  I totally understand not feeling up to much of anything... but it will pass before you know it.  Just stay talking and communicating....remind yourself why you're waiting.  Oh also, my doctor ordered this so it was easier for us because we were just following dr's orders!

skibrook82

I would say that it's completely normal to feel this way!  Especially after you try so long and so hard for something.  We did it a few times early on --- and I have to say after each encounter I was an emotional train wreck (sometimes even during)  I would cry afterwords b/c I just felt like I was doing something "wrong" -- even though I knew it was safe.

I just asked my DH very kindly to not pressure me and that when I was ready, I would let him know, and he seemed fine with that.  I do have to say, it really does get better (at least for me) especially after the first trimester is over.  GL!

JessAndi

We were too nervous to do it in 1st tri, not to mention I felt sick and tired the whole time.  And that nausea and tiredness lasted until I was almost 22 weeks.  And then the belly was getting bigger and he started moving some and now it just freaks dh out.  So, it's been basically the week after conception since we've done it. 

mybobble

Dh and I had sex for the 1st time at 17 wks. Here I am 27 wks pg and neither of us want to have sex. We know it's completely safe but just don't dare do it. Plus neither of us are all that interested!

We're both completely fine w/ it. We're big kissy/snuggley people so that will have to be it for now.

Brosis

It was hit or miss for us throughout the 1st Tri.  I was worried about baby, nauseous, fatigued and not at all in the mood.  We had "relations" a few times, but I ended up getting back-to-back yeast infections.  Not a very glamourous time in the romance dept!  Now that I'm starting to feel better (physically & emotionally), it's been easier to be intimate.  BB's are still too sore & off limits though!

I remember a movie with Hugh Grant called "9 months" where they don't even try to have sex until the 4th month.  Even then, the mood is broken when they feel baby move for the first time.  

I imagine most people are going through a hiatus of sorts.  It's just another good opportunity for communication in marriage. 

 

ENev

We were way too nervous in the first tri. And since we found out we were pregnant, I think we've done it three times .... 15 weeks, 22 weeks, and 31 weeks (and that one was only for a few minutes so it barely counts!)

Sex is wonderful, but we both know we'll have it again after the baby comes, and I don't think you need sex to have that special connection. We're more cuddly and affectionate than ever, and I satisfy DH in other ways a few times a month.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one in this predicament .... DH is just way too weirded out by the fact that his son is right there if we're going to do it. And I pretty much feel the same way!! Neither of us feels overly deprived, either. It's only a temporary situation! 

thewarrens

It's totally normal & yes, it gets a LOT better!!!!  Like - real good : )  Don't worry - it will turn around : )

Kristyn4

I have no advice, but I felt as your post was taking the words right out of my mouth. You and DH are not alone.?

?I think as long as you two remain open and honest, it will work out.??

PeetiePie

Well, we've had a little less than our "normal" amount of sex on average.  However it seems like it causes spotting each time and I'm not interested in seeing any more of it.  I'll need to talk to DH about it this weekend.  I don't want to "do it" just cause I feel bad for him.  Especially because it will cause me to stress over the spotting afterwards.