Making Peace with Having One Child

Lizard1131

DH was laid off recently and while we have savings and are fine for the time being we are obviously in no position to have another child right now.  Plus, DH is older and doesn't want to have children past 40, which I understand.  To top it off he's not even sure he wants another one...I don't even know how to address this, but think he would come around if we were financially stable.

Anyway, I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about DD being an only child and never getting to be pregnant or hold another baby again.  I feel torn up inside.  I am so lucky to have one beautiful, healthy child why do I want more?  I just can't rid myself of the desire to have another baby.  I know we aren't at the end of the road yet, but I'm having a hard time.  I'm rambling, I know.  I just want to put the baby thing aside for now, but can't stop obsessing.  ARGH!!!  How can I make peace with this?

SeaSoul

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, and I wish I could help, but I'm in a similar boat.  While I wouldn't yet call it a "desire" for another baby, we do hope to have a sibling for Cal.  We're not ready, yet b/c of my age we have to think seriously about trying very soon.  The alternative is no 2nd child and believe me, we have given that some serious thought and may end up doing just that.  It's hard, isn't it?

Smudges*Mom

When I was younger, I always thought that I would have two children.  Well, I got married later (at nearly 35).  It took us 2 years and IVF to get pregnant.  While my pregnancy was not awful, it was not fun and DH and I were already leaning towards being "one and done".  Then I got really, really sick at delivery (HELLP Syndrome) and that cinched it for us.  My body clearly does not do well pregnant and other life factors. . . our family is now complete. 

While I am happy with our decision, that does not mean that I don't wonder about the "what ifs".  What if we'd met and married sooner.  What if we'd gotten pregnant right away.  What if delivery (and potential for a repeat of HELLP) hadn't been so traumatic for me. . . but I try not to think about all of that.  I have a wonderful husband and the sweetest baby ever.  I had gotten to the point, just before I met DH, that I thought that I might never get married nor have a baby. . . so I am content in the knowledge that I have so much to be grateful for.  But I understand that it can be difficult to let go of the idea of more kids.  Best of luck!

Amy720

It's hard when you want something and it's not easy to acheive.  We have come to the decision that Ben will be it for us.  After all the medical treatments and 2 miscarriages and 1 failed adoption, we see the adoption of Ben as a miracle and he is who God had planned for us.  We are also older (I'll be 35 in October) and we are in a good place financially and emotionally.  Ben will have plenty of opportunities to play with other kids and to tell you the truth he definitely likes being an only child right now...LOL!  I hope you have peace about your decision.

rockvillebride

I am struggling with this, too. I had a fantasy of being pregnant again by Christmas, but I had a very traumatic delivery and am still recovering physically from it. In my case, it's physically not a good idea for me to get pregnant again. I have a dream of us adopting or using a surrogate for one of our frozen embies, but we'd have to win the lottery first. I still haven't made peace with it though. It's tough, so I sympathize.