My Awkward Shower Dilemma-- WWYD?

maze_bright

Hey all!

So, my family is a little...how do you say?... Jerry Springer.

My grandmother recently passed away. She left behind a boyfriend of 10 years named John. John was 18 years younger than her-- putting him in exactly the age group as her daughter, my aunt, Starla. Well, recently, Starla and John got married. Yup. Very, very weird.

My mom is throwing my baby shower for me, and she has been adamant that she doesn't want me inviting my aunt. She says it'll make her uncomfortable and I understand that. My aunt, however, has asked me through facebook if she's invited to come.

So, here's my issue: I honestly don't care what my aunt does. Sure, what she's doing is gross. I could never sleep with or marry a man who had lived romantically with my own mother. But hey, at the end of the day, just because it's gross doesn't make it wrong. NOR does it make it my business to judge her. Anyway, I really don't care one way or the other if my aunt comes. I don't want to offend her, though. Even though I'm grossed out at what she's doing, my heart also breaks for her because I know how deeply lonely she is, and I know she's just looking for acceptance from a man. On the other hand, I also don't want to upset my mother (who will go ballistic if I invite my aunt. Seriously, there will be a huge fall-out if I do).

How should I handle this situation?  What would you do? If you WOULD invite my aunt, what would you say to my mom? If you wouldn't, how would you explain this to my aunt?

 

Thanks, all! 

rebeccaontherocks

Honesty is always a good approach.  I am sure your Aunt is not completely obvlious to your mom's feelings toward the situation.

Just tell your aunt that because of the circumstances between her and your mother you wont be able to invite her to the shower.  You could always then lead into something like.... "but I would love to meet you for lunch one day".  That way she doesn't feel completely outcast from your life.

It seems more important to keep the peace with your mom then to stir the pot.

This is just my opinion though.

julia&jared

I would not invite her because at your shower, do you really want it to be awkward? I would maybe get together with her for lunch or something but I would steer clear of having it be a real Jerry Springer episode at your shower.

juliane2004

My mom and my aunt DO NOT get along. They haven't spoken in years. The sad thing is I am REALLY close to my aunt, and ALSO to my mom. My friend (not my mom) is throwing my shower for me, so it's a little easier for me to invite both of them. Even though I know they wont be talking to each other and it could be a tad awkward, I figure there will be fun, games, food, and about 15 other people in between them, plus I want them both to be there.

RandomlyEvil

I would say that since your mother is throwing you the shower, and it would cause serious problems with her if you did invite your aunt, you probably shouldn't invite her.  Your mother is going to the trouble of throwing the shower, I wouldn't put her in that situation.

That being said, I agree with PP that your aunt probably knows the circumstances with your mother's feelings and think that meeting up with her separately is a great idea!

He makes me crazy...

ugh.  It's just one of those things.  Talk to your mom first and see if she can bury the hatchet for one day for the sake of your shower.  If she's unwilling, I would just be honest with your aunt and tell her that since mom is throwing the shower that you can't invite her.  Be sure to make plans to meet with her individually though because that sucks for her. 

My mom and aunt don't get along and I invited my Aunt to my shower even though I knew my mom would be weird.  I was hoping that she'd just put on her big girl panties and deal with it.  She didn't.  She was rude to my aunt and my grandma and her crappy attitude is what I remember most from my shower (that and an incident where a pitbull attacked my weiner dog at the shower).  Anyway, the moral of the story is to keep your shower as drama free as it can possibly be.  I'd hate for the thing you remember most being the drama.  Good luck.

lilone_06

rebeccaontherocks:

Honesty is always a good approach.  I am sure your Aunt is not completely obvlious to your mom's feelings toward the situation.

Just tell your aunt that because of the circumstances between her and your mother you wont be able to invite her to the shower.  You could always then lead into something like.... "but I would love to meet you for lunch one day".  That way she doesn't feel completely outcast from your life.

It seems more important to keep the peace with your mom then to stir the pot.

This is just my opinion though.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest.  Just be upfront with her and explain that, because of the situation, you're not going to be able to include her.  But that you would still love to have her involved in welcoming the baby, and maybe the two of you could meet for a special lunch and you can tell her all about it.  GL. 

Goldiefrocks2

I'd ask my mom to be civil for one day and let me invite the aunt.

zeesbride

I had to have two showers because my mom and my aunt refuse to speak to each other. I would speak honestly to your aunt....I am sure she knows your mom's feelings and would not want to make your shower awkward. GL, I hate family situations like this! 

ahewit1

i can realte (kind of) my husbands father does NOT get along with anyone in his family exp. his sister.  (I don't know why I have never asked...) Anyways a few years ago DH's aunt married his uncle (his moms brother)  DH is very close to his mothers family and has no real problems with his uncle ext. for his wife... so when it comes to invting them to events such as showers, weddings, or even birthdays.  You obviously cannot invite one without the other.... its a mess  needless to say DH was honest with his uncle told him it really had nothing to do with him but for the sake of keeping teh rest of the family sane  he cannot invite him to such things.  I think his uncle appreciated the honesty.

So maybe you could talk to your aunt and be honest tell her what's up. 

slhall730

rebeccaontherocks:

Honesty is always a good approach.  I am sure your Aunt is not completely obvlious to your mom's feelings toward the situation.

Just tell your aunt that because of the circumstances between her and your mother you wont be able to invite her to the shower.  You could always then lead into something like.... "but I would love to meet you for lunch one day".  That way she doesn't feel completely outcast from your life.

It seems more important to keep the peace with your mom then to stir the pot.

This is just my opinion though.

This

triplenine

Tell her she needs to talk to your mother, not u,  It is your mothers choice not to invite her so she should make be the bad guy

maze_bright

Thanks, everyone! It seems like everyone has some kind of shower awkwardness, yknow? That's really unfortunate. I'm also surprised at how many people say that their moms and aunts don't get along! It makes me feel like I'm not the only one with family issues. I think I'll write my aunt an email explaining the situation and asking if she and I can celebrate in some other way. I appreciate your thoughts, all! 

NorBryDE

If it will really cause problems with you and your mom if you did invite the aunt, then do not invite the aunt.  She has to know that it's a creepy situation, and that your mom is not happy about it. 
see if she wants to do lunch...