struggling with tttcing #2 bitterness

mhop

I'm having a flashback to when we had trouble conceiving Campbell and I'd see people all around me getting pregnant and struggled with jealousy.  I've had a hard time with the failure of IUI #1 (much less not having the miraculous surprise bfp for baby #2 that so many seem to have) and the problems I've had with IUI #2 (cyst, then only 1 follie, dh's numbers were lower, etc). 

I started a ttcing again checklist on the preemie board which I should have known was a bad idea.  Several of the moms are already pregnant, and while I'm thrilled for them, I am really jealous of the ease with which they conceived. 

And then, today the straw that broke the camel's back: a good friend of mine who has 4 children just found out she's pregnant.  They were preventing, not trying.  Today she went for an ultrasound b/c she's not sure of the dates since she's still bf-ing her youngest and it's twins.  Yep, they were using birth control and still got pregnant with twins.

I'm happy for all of them, but so frustrated and sad for myself.  

Thanks for listening to my pity party...

charmcitygirl

I don't think the sting of IF ever goes away.  We are NOT trying for #2 and am totally happy with just one right now...and I still get jealous when others get pregnant easily.  ((hugs))

ela81

(((Hugs))) to you. I bet your friend is in a little bit of shock! If the situation was "right" I did ok when people got pg when I was ttc #1 but I'm seem to be worse this time (mostly with one couple, they get pg every time I want to). It sucks. I'm sorry any of us have to deal with this.

pamela-matt

I am sorry.  I used to think I handled the sting of IF so well, until recently when a good friend actually did not cancel a lunch date with me (she always cancels) so she could tell me she was pg, did not want to get pg until Aug, they only did it once,  and was following the "Boy Diet" so they would have a boy.  I lost it after she left.

It does not go away.  I wish it did.  I hope your week improves from here.  (((HUGS))) 

mhop

Thanks guys, I may DD later because I hate sounding so bitter but it's just been a bad ttcing week.  Hopefully I'll get back to my normal cheerful self soon...

TheShellSeeker

I can relate and we aren't even ttc #2 yet.  I am horribly jealous of those who get surprise BFPs and would give my right arm for one, however it will never happen with us (MFI).  I wish I had advice, but I don't.  The TTTC wound is still very much here even though I have a beautiful son now.  

Maybe you could get someone else on the preemie board to take over the post?  Those women are great and would understand your need.

skoorbnibor

I am right there with you. Even the surprises here sting, and I am thrilled when SAIFers get pregnant!

mhop

TheShellSeeker:

Maybe you could get someone else on the preemie board to take over the post?  Those women are great and would understand your need.

shell...the crazy thing is, I love the ttcing again check in...I just didn't realize how hard it would be to see others get pg so much easier/faster.  It's like having a group of friends in real life trying for another baby and being the last one (again) to get pregnant.  I feel bad for being jealous of them, because I am so happy for them.  Having a preemie is so scary and going on the journey for #2 with a group is important to me so I just don't know what to do.  Thanks...

wvagirl

right there with you martha. my single bff is pregnant by accident, as is my sister, with her second, three girls at work are pg, and while i'm happy for folks, i feel sad for me.  i was so hoping things would reset after e and i'd get pg on my own.  we've been trying for months, and all i have to show for it are 23 day cycles. who the heck can get pg with a 23 day cycle, and 7--8 day lp?  so much for the ol' reset theory.  guess it doesn't always work when you have the eggs of an 83 year old.  blah.... hang in there.  hope things work out for you soon sweet lady.

TheSkimmy

HUGS!

TheShellSeeker

mhop:

TheShellSeeker:

Maybe you could get someone else on the preemie board to take over the post?  Those women are great and would understand your need.

shell...the crazy thing is, I love the ttcing again check in...I just didn't realize how hard it would be to see others get pg so much easier/faster.  It's like having a group of friends in real life trying for another baby and being the last one (again) to get pregnant.  I feel bad for being jealous of them, because I am so happy for them.  Having a preemie is so scary and going on the journey for #2 with a group is important to me so I just don't know what to do.  Thanks...

It's tough and I wish I had some advice.  I avoid the ttc posts on the preemie board because I can't deal with it!  IF does suck.  I wish it were easier. 

trilady2

I'm so sorry. I can totally relate. We had a harder time with TTC #2 than #1 and it took FOUR IVF cycles to get her. It was so hard, and in the meantime nearly everyone I knew got pg. It was beyond hard and even now, I feel the sting. Just wanted you to know I get it, and it's totally OK for you to feel this way. I just wish you did't have to. Wishing fast success for you.