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3rd Trimester
So mad at soon-to-be-ex DH-vent
DH and I agreed out of court for him to give me $2K mo for child support. He gave me $1,300 about three weeks ago but most of that went towards a huge fuel bill wracked up by him and a bill for AIM insurance for me and baby that was due in the 8th month. Oh, and also a joint cell bill that was almost $300. He told me he would give me money on Saturday and then he "forgot". I reminded him again last night and told him I didn't have enough money to go grocery shopping. Still, no offer to give me any. I know I can let my lawyer handle this and have documented everything, but should I just "forget" to remind him of birthing classes, doctor's appointment, etc. My family and friends say I have been way to nice to him, especially after everything he has already done. Should I "forget" to let him know when I go into labor?
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Re: So mad at soon-to-be-ex DH-vent
When it comes to the money thing, for sure let the lawyers handle that! It's what you pay them for!
You know he will continue to "forget" and you will soon have way too much on your mind to remind him all the time!
Get it in writing!!!
You really need to get court-ordered child support, especially if he is already defaulting on your out-of-court arrangement.?
And personally, I wouldn't be going out of my way to remind him of birthing classes or doctor's appts unless you really feel like you need him there with you. If he asks, tell him.. but that's already more than I would do.
About the birth, I would ask your lawyer, but it may look bad in court if you don't notify him when you go into labor.. and I'm thinking you really want the court on your side.
?
Sorry you are having to deal with all this.?
The O'Baby Blog
Sorry! I hope you got the cell phones separated now at least. If not do that asap.
I personally don't think i'd want him there for anymore appointments or whatnot. I guess to be fair you'd want him to go to the parenting class if you wanted to make sure he knew how to do everything.
Do you mean he wants to go with you to birthing classes, dr. appts, etc? Or whether you should remind him of those expenses?
Being an a**hole negates your right to go to birthing classes, IMO. Dr. appts too. You don't need that kind of stress.
If the tension and aggravation he is causing you is going to impeded your labor or cause you stress in delivery I think you should forget to call him until LO is born. It may be cruel but its a time when you need support and encouragement to relax. LO comes first so whatever is going to give you the best and most comfortable labor situation you should go for.
I agree with PP you should get your support thru the courts because if he's messing up now he's going to do it again and you have 18 years of a battle ahead of you.
I wouldn't remind him of anything - he doesn't need your kindness at this point.
I would talk to your attorney about the CS. I am almost positive that stuff has to be in writing to be enforcable. Not sure though.
as far as the bills are concerned, let your lawyer handle that..
You definitely need to tell him when you go into labor... regardless of your current relationship he is still the father and deserves to be there if he chooses to be...
Since he has already proven unreliable with the deal, I would get it in writing. Talk to your attorney. I'm sure the reason he didn't want to go through attorneys is he didn't want it to be enforceable.
How irritating. Can the court mandate that the $2K/month comes directly out of his paycheck?
Even though it sucks, I HIGHLY recommend playing nice with him. For the sake of LO and also for the sake of keeping your "record" clean for future reference (so he doesn't come back with some documented incidences that could make you look bad).
Good luck!
He needs to be sending the check through the Department of Child Support [Enforcement], for both of your sakes. Then he will rack up arrears and it will be on record. This works for you, because if he does not pay, you can hold him in contempt. This works for him because more often than not most states do not count personal checks, etc., as child support.
I found drugs in his truck (meth) and plenty of evidence that he had been unfaithful-most likely throughout my pregnancy (different cell phone, condoms in his truck, text messages to other women, etc.)
Oh my God...I'm so sorry. That must have been so devastating for you. I don't know what I would do if I found that in my DH's truck. I hope everything goes well for you...
Yeah, basically that was just the final straw. He had admitted to "almost" cheating in December when I was 6 weeks pregnant and then refused to go to more than one counseling session to try to figure out what went wrong. He basically continued the same behavior throughout the pregnancy and neglected me the whole time. So when I found all of that stuff it was exactly what I needed to kick his a$$ to the curb!
You're also probably going to think that I am such a douche for saying this, but I hope that you do give him a chance to be a father to his child. He might not deserve it in your eyes because of his actions, but he may change in the future and come to realize what an asshat he's been, etc.
My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship, and while he was never abusive or unfaithful or on drugs, he just didn't stand up for himself when he ought to have and there was a lot of difficult things to deal with with his ex. He's a wonderful father, and I'm sure she has her reasons for acting the way she did -- I'm glad they have a much better relationship now, but I know he still finds it difficult sometimes to try and be the father to his baby girl that he wants to because he's worried about how his ex will react. To me, the child needs their dad (and their mom, if the situation was reversed). If they're a good role model (so hopefully your STB-ex shapes up!), I see no reason to not try to include him in as much as possible just because of the issues between you two.
I know you guys have a long way to go. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with his addiction and infedelity while you're pregnant, and I admire your strength and courage to have made such a difficult decision to leave when you're at such a momentous time in your life. I just feel the need to put in this little bit of two-cents because, while he has treated you like absolute crap, he may be surprisingly good with his baby.
Holy shiit...2K a month for one child?? That is a HUGE amount of child support for one child. Your ex-DH must make an absolute fortune.
I'm a step-parent and my DH pays child support for his 11-year-old son. Even being on the 'other side' of child support, I strongly suggest you do this through a lawyer and the courts, rather than just a verbal agreement. It's better for both parties. It has saved our ass in more than one occassion when SS's mom wanted more cash for some bogus bill or something else that wasn't our responsibility. We were able to point to the allotted monthly amount and say 'sorry charlie...not our problem.' She also can't claim that DH never paid her. And vice versa...she could also get a third party involved if he didn't pay (not that that ever happens).
As much of a hassle as it is, you need to take him to court and get EVERYTHING in writing.
As of right now, he has no legal requirement to give you anything, and quite obviously he plans to use that to his advantage, if he can't even make the first payment on time.
I would threaten to "forget" classes and appointments, and if that isn't enough, I would let him know that should his behavior continue, you will be reconsidering whether to allow him into the delivery room. I would also still go to a lawyer and have him served with papers as soon as possible.
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Yes, he does. He was just bragging that he was going to get $200K around the 31st of July. So I figured $2K/mo was more than fair. I would say he makes approximately $250K/year. He is self-employed. I just spoke to my lawyer and they said that this would all be ironed out in court. I know it doesn't mean anything if it isn't in writing. But I have been documenting everything.
What a Freaking scumbag...I can't stand men sometimes... I would def forget to tell him when you go into labor unless you want him there...How far along were you when you found out???
wow, this is what i was thinking......2K? thats a lot of money. do you really need 2K to help raise your kid? What kind of groceries are you buying? and your child is not even born yet. I do agree to go through your lawyer and have it court mandated, that way if he doesnt pay then the courts will force him to pay.