Doesn't anyone just parent by instinct?

Mrs.V

Reading some posts on the AP board and some recent discussions I've had with other parents has made me surprised that many people seem to follow some parenting theory or another.  One of our friend's has their baby on a STRICT schedule that they read about in a book.  I went into parenting just trying to do what felt natural and reasonable to me and I tried to avoid reading books and worrying too much about my parenting style.  I think it highly depends on the type of baby you have anyways.  My DS has a very different personality than I expected and there are some suggestions in books, etc. that would just never suit his personality.  I think being laid back about things, talking with family (like talking to my mom for advice), and just trusting my gut are a great parenting philosophy with me! Why do a few people who have written the currently trendy parenting books know more than us? People have parented from the beginning of time without these guidelines!

KathrynMD

sweetpea7628

The only book I read was Happiest Baby on the Block and it was all stuff that we were doing anyway. 

We never read any sleep training books, just did what felt right for us and DD has been STTN for the last week. 

People have parented from the beginning of time without these guidelines!

And I totally agree with this.  It's not like parenting is new!

CEO1197

me me me!  I'm mean, I'm not opposed to picking and choosing from various "schools" of parenting styles, but, really, I'm just kinda flying by the seat of my pants.  It works just fine for me and DH.  I wasn't raised according to any particular style, just with love and respect and I plan to do the same with my kids.

Ashley Pharez

I couldn't agree more.  I think my motherly instincts no better than any book out there.

J+O

I think everyone should use their instinct, but I don't think people seriously read parenting books and take it word for word. ?I have read some and it is enlightening. ?Of course I don't agree with everything they say, but sometimes it can be educational.?

ABMcKinney

I do a lot of research but always go with my instincts and what I believe is best for my child. I haven't read any specific parenting books although I did read part of Ferber's sleep book, all of the Dr. Sears vaccine book and some of Babywise.

Mrs.Hizzo

I've read some parenting books. Most have a few good ideas that I've incorporated into my parenting style. Almost all of them seem to imply that if you don't follow their style to the letter, you will screw up your kid. It's like having three different religions all tell you you're going to hell if you aren't of their faith. I think you should be open to new ideas, take what works for your child and your family, and forget the rest. It's not like there is some one-size--fits-all approach to parenting.

LLB430

I do a little of following my instinct and also doing my research.  I have gone with my gut about how to tend to her needs, even though it goes against what my IL's and some of my friends are used to.  I have researched issues related to sleep to get a better understanding of her sleep cues etc.  For the most part the issues I have researched have just solidified for me that my instincts are right and while nobody can tell me what to do with my baby, I am more confident in thinking STFU when they tell me something I know goes against my instinct.   But that is how I live a lot of my life not just the parenting aspect.. 

iris427

Mrs.Hizzo:

I've read some parenting books. Most have a few good ideas that I've incorporated into my parenting style. Almost all of them seem to imply that if you don't follow their style to the letter, you will screw up your kid. It's like having three different religions all tell you you're going to hell if you aren't of their faith. I think you should be open to new ideas, take what works for your child and your family, and forget the rest. It's not like there is some one-size--fits-all approach to parenting.

Ditto.

adri77

With DS1, I asked the pedi we used in the hospital (who, BTW is not our pedi now- our practice didn't go as far as the hospital we used so we just had to choos a random practice from a list) if he had any books he could recommend to first time parents his comment was "throw out all of your parenting book.  He (pointing to DS) is your parenting teacher.  Listen to what he's trying to tell you and you will be fine"  This was the BEST advice I've ever been given, and I have never read a parenting book.  Well, ok, i read the No Cry Sleep Solution when my 7 month old was still waking every 2 hours to sleep and I was going crazy.......but other than looking for sleep advice, I do things my own way and I think (and have been told) that I have a very well behaved 2.5 year old.  Not to mention he is hysterical, so he has a sense of humor too!  So i guess he's happy and I feel like I'm doing something right!

TheNewMrs.H

Pretty much all instinct here. Never read any sleep training books, she isn't on a strict schedule - eats when she's hungry, naps when she's tired. She lets you know if she is neither hungry nor tired so no point in fighting her. I totally agree that some of the things people suggest to me would never work for DD...and I'm sure half the things in these books by the "experts" wouldn't either. DH and I just going with the flo...

sugarcube

CEO1197:

me me me!  I'm mean, I'm not opposed to picking and choosing from various "schools" of parenting styles, but, really, I'm just kinda flying by the seat of my pants.  It works just fine for me and DH.  I wasn't raised according to any particular style, just with love and respect and I plan to do the same with my kids.

Ditto this.

Good2BdaMommy

Word.

People who follow parenting books and their advice down to the letter should understand that the authors' #1 goal is to sell books, not nurture and develop your child. They create a sense of urgency so you will BUY THEIR BOOK.

adamwife

redhead2466

LLB430:

I do a little of following my instinct and also doing my research.  I have gone with my gut about how to tend to her needs, even though it goes against what my IL's and some of my friends are used to.  I have researched issues related to sleep to get a better understanding of her sleep cues etc.  For the most part the issues I have researched have just solidified for me that my instincts are right and while nobody can tell me what to do with my baby, I am more confident in thinking STFU when they tell me something I know goes against my instinct.   But that is how I live a lot of my life not just the parenting aspect.. 

Exactly.  I like to be well read.  And win arguments, lol.