How to deal....

dandyelle

Lately I have been getting several invites to go to baby showers for various girls I know. Out of the 4 girls I know who are expecting, only 1 was planned and in good circumstances to be having a baby. Any baby is a blessing, but it's especially hard for me to watch a these girls who don't appreciate it or even really want it.

I'm trying really hard to not be judgemental, and my own MC was months ago, but I don't know if I can go to all these showers. My EDD is in November, and I'm still totally devastated over my MC. None of them have ever MC'd and don't understand why I am still so upset.

Is it wrong to politely decline and just send a gift? Any thoughts the reason I should give for my absence? Or should I suck it up and go? Any advice would be much appreciated....

cedge05

If it was me I would look at my friendships with the girls.  If I was really close to someone I would try to go.  If I don't know them that well I would just send a gift.  You do not have to give a reason for not going.

sinisterkat01

I don't think it's wrong to decline.  I mean, how many times do people send a gift and not go to showers, just because they have plans that weekend?  If you are sending a gift, then you are giving them well wishes and being very polite.  You need to do what's right for you.  Maybe you can suck it up and go to the shower of the better friend, or the one that is pg in "good circumstances".

bostonfingerlakes07

If you are not comfortable, you don't have to go.  If they are good enough of a friend, they will understand. 

str8ota

I think it depends on the friend.  If it was my bff or someone I'm really close to I would personally suck it up and go because no matter how much it sucks what I'm going through I want to be there to support her in her joyous occasion.  However, if it's just a friend I'm not super close to AND I'm having a bad day, then I wouldn't go.

You don't need to jutify anything either, any friend should be understanding. 

dandyelle

Many thanks to all of you.... I'll attend the shower for the girl I'm really close with and just send a gift to the others. I usually try to participate in all of these functions, but I am totally not up to it these days.

Thanks again for all of your advice.

kathi512

I agree, if it was my bff I would go because as much as it sucks for me I am happy for her. If it's someone that your not that close to than just send a gift. Don't put yourself thru it if you don't feel comfortable. My bff is pg & due 1 month before I would have been. It was hard for me after my m/c to even talk to her about her baby. It still is at times. And I know that she is definately not in a financial position to have a baby but I have to get over it. I am happy for her. I'm throwing her a shower & I finally was able to go shopping & buy her things. It's still hard for me but it'll be hard whether you know others that are pg or not.

heathergirl67

If it was my baby shower I'd rather have my friend at home and feeling okay than at my shower and barely able to contain her tears.  If your friends are compassionate at all I'd think they'd understand that it's difficult for you.  Plus if ppl know about your loss it might just make the whole party feel uncomfortable.  Trying to be happy for the pg girl while still being respectful to you, KWIM?

sept9107bride

I was invited to several surprise showers last year.  I went to the one, hated it, then didn't go to the others.  My friend who WAS TTC was so super nice and said I didn't have to go, which I didn't.  My saying towards this is "better to live with an apology for not going for a minute, then to live with resentment indefinitely!" Why put yourself through the emotional wringer?  And anyone who is truly a good friend will understand.

dandyelle

sept9107bride:

I was invited to several surprise showers last year.  I went to the one, hated it, then didn't go to the others.  My friend who WAS TTC was so super nice and said I didn't have to go, which I didn't.  My saying towards this is "better to live with an apology for not going for a minute, then to live with resentment indefinitely!" Why put yourself through the emotional wringer?  And anyone who is truly a good friend will understand.

I heart this one!