Hi, everyone.
So, I had my "discuss the options" meeting yesterday. Long and short of it: We have less than 5% chance of conceiving WITH any assisted reproductive technologies. My FSH (15 CD3; 17 with clomid challenge on day 10) is just too high, says the doc.
A small glimmer of hope: Doc says that in rare instances, high FSH does not accurately predict the response to fertility drugs. So we can try a monitored injectables cycle, perhaps with IUI, and see how I do.
But he kept saying that even if we can stim a bunch of eggs, it's not going to change the quality of them, and while some of them are good, the chances for miscarriage - even if we hit the 5 percent lottery - would be very high.
I asked about taking steps to lower FSH, and the doc said that he could give me something to lower FSH very quickly, but the number isn't the problem. It's what the number means about egg quality/quantity that is the problem, and that can't be changed.
Donor egg is what the team is recommending for us. I would be happy to go that route, but DH isn't. He said it would feel weird to him, like he had a baby with a stranger. This kind of emotional response is so unlike my scientist. But it was genuine and strong, and while I asked him to think about it some more, I don't think he will change his mind.
Another glimmer of hope: The doc was very clear in saying that this doesn't mean we won't manage to get pregnant on our own, despite the low odds. He just thinks that the technologies available won't boost those odds enough to be worth the emotional and financial expense, unless we use donor eggs.
We have a lot of thinking to do.
We are leaning toward doing the "research IUI" to see how I respond to more hard core drugs.
But while my heart is saying I should try IVF, my brain agrees with my husband that with chances for pregnancy that small, and chances for miscarriage high, perhaps we should not go there.
Sorry this has been so long, and so rambling.
I had a big glass of wine and 1/2 a Hershey bar last night. Today, I'm doing significantly better, but gosh, this is hard.
Thank you for reading.
Re: RE appointment yesterday was not good
Oh Joy my darling.
That's alot to take. So much to think about. With reference to your DH and the donor eggs, perhaps after some thought (and research) he might see the benefits.
That said, while they said that the chances were small and the possibility of m/c are high....life is a gamble any way you look at it. If in your heart of hearts you want to try, I think you should look at it.
But again, so much to think about. I want you to know that you should rant, rave, and do whatever you need to.
We are here for you.
((hugs)).
Oh Joyful, I'm sorry things didn't go well. {{{HUGS}}} The RE gave you a lot to think about and absorb.
Hopefully DH just needs some time to think through your options a bit more before ruling out donor eggs entirely. I know you mentioned adoption as a possibility in the past, so I would explain that using donor eggs and having a baby that is half genetically linked to you seems like a logical step. The baby would still be part of both of you since it is his DNA and your uterus. And would not be loved any less than if it has both of your DNA or was adopted.
I know 5% may seem small, but there still is that chance. II also think doing the research IUI will give you some more insight into the possibilities. Also it may be worth getting a second opinion too.
Again {{{HUGS}}} now eat the other half of that candy bar before I do. How do you eat just half?
I am sorry. That is a lot to take in.
I just want to share a few things with you.
When I did my last IVF, my FSH was a little over 12, not that much lower than yours. Now, I stimmed for a little longer than most ladies, but we got 14 eggs. We put 2 back and were able to freeze 7. NYU is pretty picky about what they freeze, so the frozen ones are good quality- despite my FSH.
Now, I have had 3 miscarriages. But, the one that was ectopic... that unfortunately was bad luck.
I am not sure what your insurance situation is ( I am OOP, so I totally get that you might not be willing to gamble), but I think it is always worth a shot before considering donor eggs. I mean how will they know how you'll respond to the injectible meds w/o trying. ( unless I missed some where that you've used them) That is just my 2 cents... certainly you and your h have to do what you feel is right in your heart.
Good luck. It is a lot to think about and I hope that you are able to make a decision you both feel comfortable with.
ETA: as a ps... when I freaked about my FSH, my dr, told me that sometimes you just have to look at it as a number- a number set as a guide. It is really your response that matters.
Have I mentioned lately how great all of you are? Thank you for the support and advice, and for sharing your own experiences.
It is so much to absorb. And my emotions are all over the place - like worse than when I was on Clomid.
Oh, and I only ate half the Hershey bar so that I would have room for more wine.
I'm grateful, in a way, that my cycle was a few days too far along to jump into anything this month. It gives us a couple of weeks, anyway, to just think about things.
You and I are in similar situations. We are very seriously considering the donor eggs because like you, even if we could use mine the risks are so much higher for problems and the chance of conceiving so much slimmer than using healthy donor eggs.
I will tell you, our RE presented the DE option with such compassion that he completely changed our opinion. We were dead set against having a baby that wasn't 100% ours biological. But he also explained how we get to pick the donor and that you carry and deliver that baby and in the end, it is yours. Not to mention it will still be 50% DH's biologically.
Anyway, there is a hope, you can have a baby one way or another!
I'm so sorry you got such distressing news. I'm sure whatever you decide will be best. I hope your DH really thinks about it.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
So sorry about all the bad news Joyful. That is a lot to take in. If it was me, I would do the "research IUI" as well. Before giving up on your own eggs, I think you should at least see how you will respond to the meds. Then, you can make your decision.
Regarding donor eggs, your DH may come around. I think it takes time for these things to sink in sometimes.
And 5% is still 5%! It is certainly better than 0%!!
Im so sorry. Like others have said 5% means you still have a shot. And like your RE said high FSH does not always indicate a poor response to fertility drugs.
I would really consider the research IUI. Maybe it could turn out to be more than a "research" IUI and actually be a "babymakin" IUI.
Also give your H a few more days to process the donor egg suggestion. Let him know how your feel about it - these big decisions should be made with our heads and our hearts.
Good luck with this difficult road. I wish you the best!
Joy, I'm sorry for all you're having to process and think through. It's a lot to take in and figure out what to do with.
Definitely take the time you need to decide - as others have said, some time and perspective my soften your H's outlook on donor eggs. I think the research IUI could be very helpful too - give you a clearer sense of whether proceeding with your own eggs is a good plan.
GL, and lean on us for support.
Oh, Joyful, I'm so sorry. My heart is hurting for you because I know how it feels to hear this news. We are in the same situation, except it's me that's not ready to move on to ?DE, even though DH is ready to.
FWIW, I don't think your FSH is too high. I'm not an RE, but I have seen many ladies on the high FSH forum get pregnant with higher levels. It will take a while to sort though all of these feelings. Good luck, and I'll be thinking about you
What a boatload of news.
I hope you are able to come to a decision that will work for you.
Agree w/ pp to have more wine and the rest of the chocolate!
Hugs to you!?
Oh Joyful! I am so sad that you had to hear this kind of news. I hope that you and your DH come to a decision about what to do that you are both OK with. I agree with Cathy that maybe as he thinks about it, the donor egg idea might have more appeal to your husband. I think I would've had a big BOTTLE of wine after that kind of news. You are entitled to do whatever you need to do to help yourself as you go through this proccess. Please keep us updated. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Liz
i'm so sorry about the bad news hon. but you still have hope. the doc gave you a percentage and thats always worth a shot.
you might want to give your husband some time. this is a lot of information to absorb and i'm sure a lot for you to absorb as well.
have you given thought to obtaining a second opinion? thats an option as well; but be prepared to receive the same news.
the research IUI sounds like a good option. especially if you're going to be closely monitored.
lots of hugs to you and your husband.