DH Trouble (Long.. Sorry)

bbakersgirl75

So I don't know how many of you have followed my story at all. DH has severe MFI and is currently taking Arimidex. This drug is to suppress the Estrogen in his system and boost testasterone. To make a long story short he's been distant and not loving for the past few months. I just happen to come accross some text messages on his phone last night with him and another girl... She couldn't wait to hear his voice, and he couldn't either... and he said I better leave the house soon.

talk about a shock! After a confrontation he claims it's an old friend that lives 1000 miles away, who he shouldn't have been talking to like he was. So needless to say I pulled the phone records and they've talked for 2-3 hours per day... which explains why we used to talk all the time, and now he rushes me off the phone.

I'm devastated. He said it isn't me, it's him. He hates his life, his image, his job, our house, and the fact he can't give me kids. He said I've been a perfect amazing wife, the best anyone could ask for and I don't deserve this...

No ***... pardon me.

So now he thinks he wants to be with me... but doesn't know for 100% sure. He said he thinks it's the medicine messing with him (I have noticed a marked difference since he's been on it), but I'm just so devastated.

 Thanks for being listening ears girls. He's the love of my life and my soulmate, and I just don't know where to go from here?

Jin'sWifey

I really don't have any advice but i wanted to say that i am very sorry you are dealing with this..HUGE ((HUGS)) Please come here and post  any time you need support..i hope you are able to come to a find a solution that works for you..

fallbride110406

Seek counseling ASAP!  Being withdrawn or moody is one thing but having an emotional affair (which is what he's doing) is NOT okay, especially when you're trying to have a child together.  

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.  Counseling together and also maybe separately will help you understand if it's this medication that's causing his issues or if it's a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with. 

madelyn07

I am so sorry you are going through this! I second the counseling!

 

bbakersgirl75

I've got a list a mile long of counselors to get us into next week, or hopefully the week after at the latest.

hillaree

I think fallbride gave some great advice. I am SO SORRY you are going through this and wish I could give you a real life ((hug))

MoFree

I'm so sorry about your situation.  MFI plays a big number on a man's self-esteem and men react in different ways.  I am not excusing your husband's actions in any way, bu tthe medication may be a contributing factor to his behavior.

I suggest that the two of you initiate martial counseling ASAP, preferably with someone who has expertise in fertility issues. 

I am having my own marital issues due to MFI and while we are still no where on the same page in terms of treatment, our communication is better since we started therapy and better able to take the other person's perspective.

 I'm about to leave for vacation now but please PM me if you'd like to talk further.

 

lnle

((hugs)) I don't know how the meds affect men, but I know when my estrogen is suppressed I feel awful - depressed, anxious, and just not myself. I think it's worth looking into the medical side of it as well as counseling.

Me&Mr.T

I am so sorry. My prayers are with you. ((HUGS))

yodasmistress

Last year my husband and I had some significant "bumps" in our relationship.  Due to a chronic health condition he has.  Due to infertility.  Due, probably in some part, to the fact that the fabled "7 year itch" is real. 

I recommend 

1.) counseling for him

2.) counseling for you both as a couple

I am somtimes amazed how far my husband and I have come between last year and this year.  There were many tears shed and for a while I really did believe that I was going to be a 30 year old divorcee.  Now we have a better relationship than we ever did before.  But there has been, and continues to be, a LOT of hardwork, forgiveness, and understanding involved for both of us.   If you intend to weather the storm, I recommend buckling your seat belt and putting on yoru rain slicker because fixing your problems won't be quick or easy.   But if you succeed it will be worth it.  And if you don't, you'll know you gave it your all.

peteysweetie

I am so sorry I recommend you guys get counseling and he go to counseling alone as well. I hope he stops talking to this woman now that he's been caught and I hope you guys can work things out and move on a stronger couple.

Mrs.Kiltlifter

OMG  HUGE (((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) Girlie. 

I know it is hard for men to take fertility issues but that is no excuse.  I hope he gets it figured out stat!

BRSaugust20

I am sorry you are going through this.  I would also suggest counseling - both as a couple and it sounds like your DH may need some individual counseling as well (maybe some that specialized in IF for him).

georgiagirl1212

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry...I truly hope everything works out for the best.

krissyheartserik

how awful! wtf is wrong with him??!?! good for you for confronting him....my best had a similar situation and took their daughter and stayed with her dad fr a week to sort out what she wanted to do. they are in counseling and she's pregnant with number two...they are doing better now than they were before. tons of luck and hugs...let us know how it goes.

bbakersgirl75

Thanks to everyone for your warm wishes and real life hugs that i could soooo use right now!

craschi

I have not been following your story, but (((hugs))))

I hope you are able to work through this.  Is he or you considering going to counseling?   

momma mimi

I am sorry to hear this. My DH and I have had a similar tough time in the past though for different reasons. You both need to think long and hard about what you want. Is there any other medicine he can perhaps try that would have less side effects? Could he possibly speak to a therapist or you both go to couples counselling? If not, then you just have to be open and honest with each other and just take it one day at a time TOGETHER. That's the most important part. You have to do it as a team. 

It's very hard to go through. You will now have a hard time trusting him at all. Or at least that's how I felt. I snooped through everything for a while afterwards.  After I got past that part and felt like I could trust him, it was time to work on finding that old love again and going forward. I will tell you ... now that we're back on the good side of things - I'm almost grateful that we went through the situation we did. Yes it sucked horribly and my heart was totally broken. But I love my husband more now than I did then and I am sure not to take him for granted. It helped us get through some issues that we may have just let built had the problem not risen. So don't give up hope. This doesn't have to mean the end.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

ABColeslaw

Wow!  You must be feeling so awful and I am so sorry that this is happening.  I agree with ppl to seek counseling.  Men's self esteem's are so fragile, it must do a number on him knowing how badly you want and deserve a baby.  I know its hard, but a lot of couple's go through stuff like this and make it out stronger for it. 

I know that my DH has a hard time with FI...even though we're pretty sure its my fault....hes sweating out the SA coming up in a couple weeks.....and I know if something comes back hes going to withdraw a little and I'll be hauling him back to talk to someone.  

 Stay strong.  

losethatsmile

Oh wow...heartbreaking isn't even the word for this...

Marriage is so hard, and the trouble is that no one tells us that when we get married. I don't know your relationship or your situation, but I do know that IF combined with stress of any other kind (financial, social, personal issues, etc) combined with high expectations of yourself and your spouse and your marriage... it can make a person feel like they're going crazy. Maybe that's not your situation, but I agree that counseling might be a very good option. This clearly blindsided you, so this is something he's been dealing with individually for a long time... and it's going to take a long time to get over it. I've been in a scarily similar situation, only I was in your dh's shoes. We worked it out w/o outside help, but don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. And please feel free to email me personally if you need/want to talk. My heart goes out to you, and I really hope you two can work things out. Take care of yourself, and good luck to you!