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I spent the last hour crying

3ltlones3ltlones member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
because a friend of mine sent me an email telling me she was pregnant.  I am really happy for her, but so sad for myself. I know that I have children already but it does not make any of this any easier.  It adds a whole other element to it, because I have to explain to my children every day why their sister isn't here with us but instead is in heaven.  And, when they ask me if we can have another baby, I feel bad, like a bad mother because I cannot give them the answers that they deserve, because to be honest I don't have the answers myself.  I don't know if I am "normal" anymore, is it "normal" for me to be crying because someone told me they are pregnant, I feel like I'm some great friend, I just answered with "congratulations, I'm so happy for you.
DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
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Re: I spent the last hour crying

  • summerbride12summerbride12
    We can cry together as I watch what not wear. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to send the email so she understands. I am new at this but I am positive it is normal to cry when someone around you is pg.
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  • Tash13Tash13 member

    You're a good friend.  You're a good friend because you responded, you said nice things and I'm sure that you meant them.  You're human and a mom because you're sad at the fact that you're not right there with her.  You're what normal is after loss and mourning.  I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I wish that there were miracle words to make it better but, as my post above clearly shows, there aren't any.  You'll come across your answers or at least the solution to make your family feel whole in your own time and, in the mean time, don't feel bad for feelings you can't control.  ((((((((hug))))))) Go cuddle with your babies and feel a little better.

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  • bebebluesbebeblues

    You handled it much nicer than I did when my SIL told me. I buried myself in a hot bath and sobbed for hours. I couldn't understand why God would take away from me and give it to her....but there's been a lot more go on through the past 2 years to contribute to that feeling. She confronted me the next day, angry w/my solemn reaction. It wasn't a good day. We spent hours arguing, crying, yelling.....not good.

    So I think if you said "congratulations" and have only cried for an hour, you've done really well. You seem like you've been a great friend in my book.....it's much better than the devil of a SIL I've been! lol!

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  • BriAZBriAZ

    Dont worry, I went through the same situation a week or two ago. I cried while doing the dishes... she knew about my m/c. I told her I was happy for her but that I probably wouldnt be able to talk about it much till I was ready. She has been careful about what she tells me in regards to her pregnancy. Its hard to think that today she went to her 11wk u/s and everything went well, when that was the appointment I found out about my missed m/c. Its made me have an empty feeling inside because this would be her second LO and I dont have any children.

    Does your friend know about Zoe? I would just let her know that pregnancy is still a very sensitive subject for you to talk about. Im sure she would understand.

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  • priya&peterpriya&peter member
    You are totally normal.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  If I had to guess, I'd say just about every single one of us has had this reaction when they heard about someone else being pregnant.  Take it easy on yourself.  Somehow things will get better.  It also sounds like it is hard for you because you have other children and they are dealing with this loss too.  I don't have any advice there, but you may want to check out the parenting after a loss board.  Those ladies may have some insight on how to talk t your kids about it.  (((HUGS)))
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  • vkbaby09vkbaby09
    I'm so sorry that you're having a rough night.  I think your emotional response was totally normal and you were actually a really good friend in your response.  I'd imagine it's really hard having to deal with losing a baby(s) while having other kids there that you have to explain things to.  I definitely don't envy you for that part of it.  (((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))
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  • irishmama13irishmama13

    You're a good friend.  You're a good friend because you responded, you said nice things and I'm sure that you meant them. 

    This.  

     

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  • angelsmileangelsmile member
    I felt that way when SIL announced her pregnancy.  It is a normal feeling.  You aren't any less happy for her by being sad for yourself.  It's not an either or type of thing it's just that right now all you can think about is the hurt.  You deserve answers just as much as your children do but sometimes there just aren't any.
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  • KAG30KAG30
    All my close friends just had babies so hopefully no one else I know will be pregnant anytime soon.  I think that would be so hard - you are happy for them, but sad for yourself.   My sister told my niece what happened to the babies so she wouldn't ask me how they were. 
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