#@$% Family!!!! (long vent)

Fuzzy8252

A couple weeks back I found out that my family (parents, grandmother, brother and his fam) were thinking of a cruise for the entire family sometime this winter, including the DH and I. My brother was even looking into when I could and couldn't go, etc. I knew that there would be a chance that I wouldn't be able to go, and I was coming to terms with that. Then I talked with my mom today....

My mother is over where my grandma and brother lives for a few days, taking care of some of grandma's money stuff with my brother. After this appt. with a financial advisor, they stopped by a travel agency and got some brochures on cruises. They afternoon, the family pretty much sat down and figured out that they wanted to go to Belize... in February. I'm due Feb. 15th. I found all this out while sitting in my car, waiting for the DH, on my cell. It took EVERY fiber of my being not to start screaming and crying right there. My mom even said that since it sounded like my MIL would be there for the birth as well as my BFF, she didn't really see the need for her to be there too!!!  Then she JOKED that if I planned an early c-section, maybe I could go!!! I just couldn't believe that this was MY MOTHER!!! I don't care if my MIL is gonna be here! She didn't give birth to me! She's no MY MOM!!! Even my grandma???? They don't want to be here???? I mean, is it just because there are already 5 grandkids, this isn't as big??? It's only my first child, afterall....

I had to get off the phone fast before I lost it. I managed to hold it together, but as soon as I hung up I lost it. I'm afraid that while the DH and I were in Costco, I had to duck down and empty isle a few times to calm myself down. I'm trying to absorb all of this and think about how I want to approach it before or if I say anything to the family.

Anyways... thanks for reading. I knew if anyone would get my hormonal rant, it would be my fellow pregnant girls!!!

kit4485

Was your mom really aware that you wanted her to be there?

My mom was not aware until I flat out asked her. ?She said she was surprised b/c her mom gave her space when my twin brother and I were born. So she didn't think I'd want her to come for a day or two. ?She was very excited when I asked. ?

RedHeadedLeo85

Im sorry! It's understandable your aggravation and I would be p!ssed too if my mom didn't want ot be there for the birth!

mickey1330

My family took a family vacay without me last year- all went to the beach for a week.   I was uber-p!ssed! 

I'm upset for you!  Especially since it means your entire family will miss the birth of your child. 

mlf625

That sucks. ?I don't think this is a hormonal rant (because I'm not a fan of those at all)- you have a legitimate reason to be upset here.

I'd get your thoughts together and talk to your mom about how much this hurts your feelings. ?They can take a vacation any time, why would they choose to go right when your baby is due.?

Fuzzy8252

I was more shocked that she would even think of going in February. I've talked to my dad and he's said it sounds like they'll be here in Feb. I've told her that I would want my family here. Not even to be in the room with us, but to see the baby... plus my mother has always been the type to come over and help out when we need it. They drove from WY to CA to help us move to MN... and then they drove to MN!!!

I find that right now, I'm just trying to make sense of all of this and create a logical discussion... that's kinda how my mind works when it has a blow out. I just have to stop... lay it out on the table and then go from there.

Thanks for listening!

amylrosen

I'm sorry too!  I think your reaction is completely reasonable and would be hurt, too, if my mom planned on taking a family vacation during the birth.  Perhaps your mom doesn't realize how this makes you feel -- I would definitely talk with her when you've had time to calm a bit and let her know exactly how you're feeling.  Perhaps she naively thinks that you don't care/need her there and hopefully when she understands how important it is to you for her to be there (and want to be there), she'll have a change of heart.  Good luck!  (Belize sounds amazing if they could just plan it for a few months later! 

Fuzzy8252

Doesn't Belize sound amazing??? My FB status even says that I'm mentally on the beach right now!!!

This just came out of left field. It's very unlike my family.... it just makes me wonder.....

StephLD924

Coming in on this very late, but I am shocked!! At first I was thinking, yeah, that sucks you can't go, but they should have fun if they can.  THEN I realized it was over and around your due date and it's your MOM???  Sorry, I know I'm not helping, but I would be so incredibly hurt.  I'm very proud of you for holding it together as hard as it was.

You have to talk to her about it when you've formalized how and what you need to say. 

greeneyes9800

Don';t you DARE blame this on hormones!!! That is awful!!! I cannot believe they would plan it this way. First of all, so much for finding a time when you might be able to join them. Second, what if things don't go as smoothly as we hope they will. For example, about 8 hours after dd was born they got her initial bloodwork back. It indicated she might have an infection. She was taken to the NICU for the next 24 hours. I was a mess and truth be told, needed my mom!! That is the most insensitive thing I've heard in a long time!

Mrs_Springbride

i would be super pissed at my mom if she missed the birth of my first child so she could go on an effing cruise. ?when you calm down, definitely talk to her and tell her how important it is to you for her to be there. ?

Fuzzy8252

Thank you so much for listening and chiming in, ladies!!! I apperciate it so much!!! As much as the DH cares, he just doesn't really get the mother at the birth thing. He can't even believe that they're even thinking of planning it that way. I just hope that this is that really odd, sometimes mean sense of humor that runs in our family... although you would think they would know better than to mess with me right now!