Parenting after a Loss
not flaming, but...
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/20020978/ShowThread.aspx#20020978
OK, I am totally not flaming her (I love Mrs.Miller actually--I think she's great!), but this is just one of those things that you don't quite understand until the baby is here, am I right?
I don't even have my baby home with me yet, and in the 2 months that Stella has been here, every Dr. & nurse in the NICU and every member of my family that has come to visit us at the house has been exposed to my boobs. It's their problem if they look at them. Making milk is a priority right now and I don't have the time for modesty.
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Re: not flaming, but...
m/c 1/2/08 and 3/12/08
Eve Amelia- Born 2/24/09. 6lb 9.9oz
Natalie Ruth - Born 6/13/11 7lb 6.6oz
Eh. to each their own. I'm the kind of person that whips out a boob in front of people like that just for shiits & giggles. Even when M isn't looking for one.
I think everyone in the world has seen my boobs at this point. Between fittings for my wedding, labor & delivery, and now nursing.... Not to mention that I keep pictures of me bfing on fb.
I tried to BF is the hospital, and every RN or LC that wanted to touch my boob and try to get DS to latch saw my boobs. And when I got home, everyone that was at the house when I pumped or BF saw my boobs, because it takes up so much of your life learning to BF and pumping, that if they didn't get the hint and leave when I said I needed to feed the baby, they saw a boob. I did go to my bedroom sometimes, but MIL saw my boobs, and so did my cousin. Oh well they didn't get the hint, and I had no time to move my hospital grade pump from the livingroom all ovver the house when it was time for me to pump every three house around the clock.
I didn't read through all the responses but I think it's sad that so many people are uncomfortable with breast feeding.
imo, modesty is not a virtue when it comes to feeding a baby.
DD#1 born June '09
DD#2 born April '11
TTC #3 as of July '14
That's fine, but do you have a problem when a women does bf in public? I think that's more of what the issue is.
I kind of pick and choose who I'm going to BF in front of. In the beginning though, if I didn't bf in front of whomever was over at my house at that time, I would have never seen anyone. Pretty much, if they wanted to see the baby, they got to see my boobs too.
I'm actually bummed that my FIL is coming for a month because I'm not sure how comfortable I feel bfing in front of him and I"m going to be locked in my room a lot. I'll probably keep it up for about a week and then he'll join the not-so elite group of people who have seen my boobs.
It definitely changes once the baby arrives. I am a shy/modest person to begin with but I knew I wanted to BF and would have to just deal with it. It suprised me after Abigail was born how much it didn't bother me to nurse her in front of anybody. When she needs to eat, she needs to eat, and if it bothers somebody, they don't have to look at us. I nurse in public a lot, and if she won't tolerate the nursing cover on her head, I nurse her anyway. I think I am pretty discreet about it.
The only person I don't BF in front of is my MIL. She makes me uncomfortable because she'll stare and make comments about it. But anybody else, even my dad, my brother, BIL, I don't think twice about it, and it doesn't seem to bother them.
You really do lose a lot of modesty after L&D and working with a LC.
I cover or don't cover for the most part depending on where I am. I don't mind NIP with the right clothing or sling. If I'm in a fancy restaurant I'll use my sling, a cover, or go out to the car. If he's in the sling most people think he's sleeping not eating.
Andrew's head covers my boob so really people can't see anything and I'm very discreet about latching him. Florida's state laws protect that right to BF even with a completely exposed nipple. I don't do that, but BFing isn't anything to be ashamed of.
From reading that post and the other post about how long they intend to BF, I think there's quite a few people on there that need to get educated about BFing.
it makes me sad that breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable sometimes. women have breasts on their bodies so they can feed their babies--that is what they are for. it's sad how sexualized they have become. hiding your breasts while you are trying to breastfeed is very very diffacult (which I am sure many of you can attest to) which is why alot of women probably stop breastfeeding which is so sad because then it's like the baby is being punished all for the sake of "modesty".
Yes, this is something I feel really strongly about.
Well I'm the opposite. I thought I would be okay BF in public or in front of people but really I'm not. If at home I'll BF in front of dh, my mom and a certain few friends. Out in public it's not my favorite thing to do so I'll do it in the car or bring a bottle. Bailey doesn't have nipple confusing or anything so he will drink from a boob or a breast. To each their own.
Ditto!
Wanted to add I could care less what everyone else does. It doesn't freak me out to see other women BF in public.
And I know most of my problem is I can't cover my boob when I feed him and I don't want anyone looking at my boobs. They were huge before and they are monster now. Ugh I hate them but at least they are doing what they are suppose to at this point.
Yes, I think this is something that definitely changes once you have the baby. I thought I would be much more discreet, and in the beginning I was, but after about 3-4 months I just stopped caring. At 6 months nursing under a cover was next to impossible. I just do my best to stay covered and take each feeding as it comes - sometimes I will go to the bathroom or car to nurse, and sometimes I won't - just depends on who is there, where I am, Ethan's mood, etc etc.
Its BFing and frankly I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable. I have to feed my baby and what YOU think about that is just not really a priority for me. This is unusual for me bc generally I DO care what people think and I'm concerned about making people comfortable, but on this...well, deal with it.
A
And it can change after you start BFing and get more comfortable with it. Plus the baby grows and their heads cover up the boob eventually.
I practiced NIP in safe places and in front of a mirror.
You BOTH get better at NIP. So Daisy, it may change again for you later. Or not.
Surprise, surprise, Sueball is piping in as a devil's advocate on a breastfeeding post.
I haven't read the post you're talking about, but I do think that if someone is uncomfortable with nursing in public, that's their business. I don't think its a matter of "education"; it's a personal choice like anything else. I am a bit sick of the assumption that if you don't enjoy nursing or embrace it as your womanly art, there is something immature or uneducated about you. We are raised in a society that sexualizes breasts; we are not used to exposing them (unless you are a Girl Gone Wild, of course.
). And to be fair, it STILL makes my DH uncomfortable when our (many) friends nurse around him. He knows its natural and all, but it's still a boob, and he can't help but look. Whether that's "fair" or not, that's the world we live in. So I think it's understandable for someone to be nervous about NIP.
I have no problem seeing woman BF in public, but I do think they should cover themselves up so their BB is not out there for all to see. Just my personal opinion. If you feel comfortable with it than more power to you! Me, I just don't feel comfortable doing it myself.
DD#1 born June '09
DD#2 born April '11
TTC #3 as of July '14
When I was in the hospital, my room was like a freaking bus station. People came in and out at all times. My BIL walked in on me while I was b/fing, and while I think both of us would have preferred that to NOT happen, to his credit he didn't bat an eye and I sure was too busy to care. You get over modesty pretty darn quick after giving birth!
That said, I do NOT nurse in the living room in front of anyone but my husband and the nanny. If anyone else is over, I go into the nursery. If they want to follow me, I don't particularly care but I try not to inflict it on anyone. In public I use a cover.
When I said that it would help for them to get educated, it was more in response to the other things they were saying about BFing not about NIP.
For instance: They didn't know what the AAP recommended as far as BFing and a few where in complete shock that someone choose to BF for 27 months. One said she had never heard of that. Also they didn't seem to be taking into account the maternal health benefits of BFing for 24 months. So to me, that part is a matter of education.
Also to be successful at BFing most women need education and support. That was my point about education.
It's fine to be modest about BFing. As long as it's not to the detriment of someone's milk supply. If you set too many boundaries about when and how you will BF before you even start, it can be hard to succeed in those early weeks. Not impossible, just difficult.
Like I said in the other SAL post, any amount of BFing is great whether it's two weeks or two years and beyond.
That's not to knock anyone that doesn't want to or can't BF.
But having education and support is important if you want to do it and do it well. IMHO
Um, I know for a fact that Mr. Skat looks at boobs whether they are being nursed from or not. That's just called being a guy. :-)
Well said Tracy. So many women give up BFing before they ever start because they don't have support to continue. I was just talking with my Bradley instructor about this same thing this week. I was watching 16 and Pregnant. (I know, bad, but I got sucked in after watching the adoption one that everyone was talking about on here) and almost every one of the girls said that they wanted or would have breastfed, but that people in their life kept telling them how hard it was and how much it would suck before they even had a chance to start. Or they did start and didn't know what to expect so they quit when they got engorged and didn't know what to do.
Sounds like Mr. Skat and Mr. Sueball would be fast friends, Skat!!
If a women is uncomfortable with NIP and decided not to that is her business. When she is made to feel uncomfortable because of the over sexualization of breast in US that is not fine. It seem breast can be used to sell anything under the sun, but if they are used for their purpose everyone gets all freaked out. I don't care if it is the world we live in or not, if my kid needs to eat he needs to eat, end of story.
SO true. B/fing is far from intuitive and I think almost every woman is surprised by that. It takes a lot of practice and help from other women. In fact, I think you can say that about almost all aspects of child-rearing...it is such a cliche but it really does "take a village." I don't think women (and men) were meant to raise children in the isolation of the typical American family. I think we were meant to live in large family groups of sisters, aunts, and cousins that could all help raise children as a group.
EXACTLY Skat! I think it is so sad when people want to and are discouraged by other women. If someone chooses not to BF, I am perfectly fine with that, I know many people who have never even tried to BF their kids, and while that is not the choice that I would make, I don't judge them for it. Every Mother has to do what is right for them and their child. But to have someone WANT to BF and have other women make them feel bad about it, that is what bothers me.
I had a friend recently, (a nestie actually) that had her baby and started bfing and was having so many issues with engorgement within the first week. She told me that she was pumping to relieve the pressure. I told her to immediately put the pump down for at least another 2 weeks and explained how pumping will continue to make your body produce more and more milk and make engorgement worse. She followed by advice and was doing much better by the next day and she's still bfing a month and a half or so later. Sometimes people just need a little education to understand how the whole process works..
First, I just want to say that if someone dislikes, chooses not to, or can't BF, I have no problem with that. I don't think that person is immature or uneducated. For me personally it is something I do enjoy and am very dedicated to doing successfully.
I think you have a different impression of this discussion since you didn't read the post. Speaking for myself (but I think many others feel the same way), my suprise with the orignal post was not that anyone is saying they feel uncomfortable NIP, because I think that's pretty common. What surprised me was how many people said they were bothered by someone else nursing in front of them. In my experience, one thing that has been super important to successful BFing has been getting support from the people I am around. If my family was telling me they didn't want me to nurse around them bc they thought it was weird, I would feel really uncomfortable and would have had a hard time BFing for the past 9 months because I'd feel like I always had to go hide to do it. There was one reply in particular that stuck out to me, the poster said "It's kind of sick to do that in front of people in my opinion." As much as I say, "I have to feed my daughter, screw everyone else", if I knew someone was sitting there judging me for doing it or thinking that it's "sick", that would really bother me.
Anyway, I hope none of that was taken hurtfully, because it's certainly not intended that way. You know I love you Suzie
I agree with AB&TB. They may see differently when they are feeding constantly and trying to maintain a milk supply. I still feel awkward BFing while other people are around but I'm getting more use to it. Some of my friends when they know Landon is hungry say "ok its time for me/us to go" and thats fine. It makes it nice because certain company doesn't stay forever or stare at you like you're nuts. haha
Maybe they just don't feel comfortable with their bodies??!! I've always felt pretty good about my body and was never shy about changing in front of other girls. :::shrugs::: Just trying to think from their perspective but I see what you are saying.
12.6.07 CP at 5w
5.21.08 BO discovered at 7w, D&E at 8w3d
8.31.08 CP at 4w5d
BFP Sept 25, 2008 bfp buddy lkstor Landon born June 6, 2009
3.25.11 missed m/c discovered at 9w6d, D&E at 10w2d
4.28.11 MTHFR a1298c homozygous discovered
4.2011 Began NaProTechnology
10.12.11 Diagnosed with Type III Luteal Phase Defect
10.2011 Starting hcg injections on 5, 7 & 9 dpo
BFP 12.7.11 - EDD 8.14.12 - IT'S A BOY! Fruit Baby
Life During and After RPL
I'm not that modest and I will not barracade myself in my room, I just sort of move to the corner away from the crowd