i would just try to let her know she shouldn't feel guilty. i think most all of us struggle with that. (i know i do... still... and my little bird has been in the nicu for 55 days now.)
i can ease my conscience a little just knowing that if i had her home with me, i'd be able to take her while i had to run errands, go shopping, etc. that i could have her with me when i have to sleep, shower, clean house, etc. but, since i CAN'T... i just have to do those things without her while she's in the nicu. it's not that i don't love her, or want her, or want to take care of her...it's that i'm not able to. i have to take care of myself in order to take care of her later.
of course, i still feel guilty. it helped me to set a goal for myself that i would visit at least once a day and be there for at least 2 care times. (that's when we can change her diaper, take her temperature, and she does nasal cannula sprinting at that time.) i usually am able to meet that goal and it frees me to leave when i have met it. (although, i still have the random 4am night.)
DS was born at 32 weeks (3lb 11oz) and came home after 27 days of "feeding/growing". We were told that 32-weekers and older usually do well since their organs are developed. The remaining 8 weeks is just to but on some fat. DS is now 7.5 months, 20lbs and in the 75% for his actual age. He is doing great and so will your friend's babies!!
Re: Friend had twins at 33 weeks...
i would just try to let her know she shouldn't feel guilty. i think most all of us struggle with that. (i know i do... still... and my little bird has been in the nicu for 55 days now.)
i can ease my conscience a little just knowing that if i had her home with me, i'd be able to take her while i had to run errands, go shopping, etc. that i could have her with me when i have to sleep, shower, clean house, etc. but, since i CAN'T... i just have to do those things without her while she's in the nicu. it's not that i don't love her, or want her, or want to take care of her...it's that i'm not able to. i have to take care of myself in order to take care of her later.
of course, i still feel guilty. it helped me to set a goal for myself that i would visit at least once a day and be there for at least 2 care times. (that's when we can change her diaper, take her temperature, and she does nasal cannula sprinting at that time.) i usually am able to meet that goal and it frees me to leave when i have met it. (although, i still have the random 4am night.)