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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Confused.. WWYD?
This vent isn't about my m/c, its about what I want to do next. Of course I'm still sad about my m/c, but all the tears in the world wont bring them back and I have realized this.
I'm just so confused/ frustrated on what I want to do next. All this thinking happened because a few nights ago while DH and I were having sexy time the condom ended up braking (I am sticking to trojan for now on lol) At the time I didnt really think it was a big deal, but since then I have been looking at my FF chart and I think I might have O'd a day or two after the incident but am not for sure yet.
It brought me to realize how much I would love to get pregnant again right away, when I was originally the one who said I wanted to wait till January to TTC again. My husband is out of town for work so I text him last night and told him how I didnt think I wanted to wait now. He responded back saying that it was really up to me since i will be carrying him/her, but that after everything we just went through he thought I would want to take a few months off and he wants to just enjoy being newly weds. He also brought up the fact that if I do become pregnant that I wont be able to enjoy any of the rides at Disney Land or Knots Berry Farm for the trip we planned in December. We also started an addition to our house and wanted to have it almost completed by the time we TTC so it would be finished for our new arrival.
I realize that I am young and have a lot of time ahead of me to have children. I didnt have a problem getting pregnant the 1st time, so I dont think I will have a problem this next time. But everytime I see/ hear anything about pregnancy its just a constant reminder of what I lost. I think that if I became pregnant again it wouldnt be as hard because I would have something else to look forward to.
I dont know... .sighs. What would you do? Any advice?
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Re: Confused.. WWYD?
We werent even actively trying, just not protecting. It was the 1st month and my 1st cycle after my wedding. I know the exact BD time it was too, we had only done the deed once on Sunday and he left to go out of town for work the next morning.
I was thinking about letting whatever happens to happen, but I think it will be hard to if I am charting because I will know when I *should* be BDing. I dont want to stop charting though, because if I dont get a BFP I want to know my cycle patterns for January.
Ugh, maybe I'm just over analyzing this.
"I just feel as though there are so many things in life we can plan for, unfortunately the reality is a pregnancy is not one that we can time out as much as we'd like to." I get what you mean by this, and it is something to take into consideration. I cant just plan to get pregnant on a certain month cuz things dont always work out that way.
i felt really similarly with my mc. husband and i hadn't been trying to get pregnant the first time, we planned on waiitng til december or the new year. so when i did get pregnant it was a complete suprise-- but i LOVED it. from the moment of my bfp, i was "all in." so when i mc'ed, i assumed that we would wait again, like before... but it was just so hard. every day, i really struggled with the decision to wait. i know there are valid reasons for waiting, but i also know that none of them REALLY matter, just like they didn't matter when i got pregnant the first time.
i feel like i'm no longer blissfully ignorant. i feel like now that i know how awesome pregnancy is, i don't want to wait anymore. it's something that i still struggle with.
I agree with PP. at the end, it it your decision. My own experience is I was on a total roller coaster ride when it came to deciding what to do. It took us 7 months of trying to get pregnant. When I m/c, I just wanted to start trying again right away so I could get pregnant and maybe part of me felt like, if i got pg right away then I could pretend like the m/c never even happened. I just had a 11 month pregnancy instead of 9. But I have really long cycles and it took 6 weeks for AF to show up, and by then I was just terrified of getting pg again and having another m/c.
Then I started thinking I'll be turning 30 in Sept, and then my husband will be turning 30, and then we have our anniversary, and all the holidays. I want to avoid flying during my first tri, and with the holidays and all the birthdays/anniversary I thought it would be good to just wait until next year.
But now, that AF has arrived and I feel much more at peace with the m/c I realized that there will always be something, but I need to move forward, so I am charting this cycle, and we are going to start trying again next cycle just to give my body and brain a little bit of a longer break.
Thank you girls for your input.
Someflower, we really do have similar situations. I hope you know that if both of us do decide to wait then I know we will always be here for eachother. Hopefully then we can get our BFP together early next year
priya&peter, when I had originally decided to wait till january, a big part of it was that I experienced pretty bad m/s (had to get zofran) and I was fatigued all the time. I knew holidays are busy and I didnt want to have pregnancy symptoms while trying to enjoy being with family. I guess i'm in the same mind set when you were talking about a 11 mo. pregnancy instead of 9. I just feel empty inside and am thinking if I became pregnant again then that feeling would coincide.
i feel the same way. the docs originally wanted me to wait 1yr to TTC again and part of me accepted that but the other part said no way. i did talk to my ob and told her we may start TTC around 6mo Post partum and she seemed ok w/ that. however after just having had af now i'm beginning to wonder if i want to wait even 6mo.
however after having carried a baby for the past 32wks i told DH i wanted to go on BC for at least the next 2mo since we have a vacation and a wedding planned. and then we'll decide after that.
GL and the decision is never easy. and like others have said there will always be something that comes up that may make you want to wait to TTC but you never know when you will get pg. so i think when you feel the time is right to TTC nothing else will really matter.
Seems to me that everyone tries super hard to get preggers or not get preggers, but it's not really up to any of us, is it? My sister in law was desperately trying NOT to conceive and she definitely did in March, and so many people try to conceive and don't for a long time. My DH and I aren't trying one way or the other... we've been married 7+ months and we found out we were preggers in June. Turns out we miscarried last week, super sad, but it's ok. And our Dr. is insisting that we should "try again," but I keep telling her that we weren't "trying" in the first place. Lol. Just enjoy life and be with your DH and things will happen when they're supposed to. God is good like that.
You'll still have fun at Disneyland... come on, it's Disneyland. Lol.
This is what I meant, and I hope I didn't come across as telling you that your reasons for waiting or not waiting were not legitimate. You should just know that when you feel ready (and your dr says it is OK) you should go for it and not be afraid.
Oh no, I didnt think you meant that!! but thank you!