PSA re Pedi advice you don't like

Crazycrustacean

After "talking" to angelluver last night I had some thoughts. The pedi can never "force" you into anything when it comes to your lo. He/she can strongly advise you to do things their way, but it's really up to you as your lo's parents to decide what advice fits your lives. 

I'm guilty of disliking certain pedi's at M's pffice because they're very pushy about how they think I should be raising M.

Here's my 2 cents. If you were really doing something wrong with your lo and continued to do it even against their advice, the pedi would call child services on you. I think it would be helpful to remember that. When it comes to your lo, whether it be your 1st or 100th, it's a learning process. What works for one child/family does not work for every child/family. Most pedis don't realize that. Most pedis also have no clue when it comes to bfing vs. ff. They know about them, but really.... IMO there's a reason they give you samples of one brand of formula and not another brand. Ya know? 

So when you go to the pedi & he looks down his nose at you because you're not supplementing with formula, are waiting to start solids, choose to let your lo belly sleep, use a blanket, let them watch a little tv, whatever it is, just remember that if they truly felt you were ruining your child, they'd call child services. 

I hope that made sense. It just bothers me that so many women, myself included, feel bullied by the pedis.  

Gwyn1030

I agree. Pediatricians are experts in child illness, they are not experts in parenting. Often when you have questions about sleeping at night, or nutrition, the answer you get is based on their personal opinion, not medical training. Many doctors know very little about nutrition, and yet they wield so much authority over their patients.

I think if you feel like you pedi doesn't share the same overall view about parenting with you, then you should switch. I guess not always as easy as it sounds though. It sucks that anyone on this board has felt bullied by their doctor.

pinkwedding05

I do the "smile and nod" through most of her appointments.  I love her pedi, but he is oldschool.  He doesn't agree with everything we're doing, but he doesn't really disagree either.  He doesn't care that we are doing an alternative vaccine schedule, cloth diapering, EBF, ect.  I don't think his opinion on those things really matters so its not an area of concern for me.

I've always been of the mindset that a pedi is for colds and such.  If we have a real problem then we're going to a specialist.  When A's reflux needed more than zantac, I called him for a rx for prevacid while we were waiting to get into the GI.  He tried to order an Upper GI for her, telling me that the GI would want one.  Hmm, that's funny the GI never mentioned it.  Her pedi wasn't happy, but I refused it and decided to just wait for the GI appointment.  Thank goodness I did! 

I don't think he's used to moms not taking his word as gold.  I live in a very rural area and he's the best thing going so we are not going to switch anytime soon.  For anything beyond sore throats and runny noses, we'll go to a specialist. 

ocean71506

I could not agree more.  If I thought Emma had an illness or a health problem, I would listen a lot more to my pedi than if he was giving me advice about sleep training.  Fortunately I have a pedi who presents a lot of options for many things and advises me to do what I am comfortable with. 

AnimalHouse

I agree with a lot of what you all say but I think it is important to at least listen to your pedi's advice.  My dad is a pediatrician and we don't see eye to eye on all of my parenting choices.  One of his partners is DS's actual pedi and we don't agree on everything either.  I will listen to their suggestions and advice, do my own reading and follow the cues of my kid.

Comments about pedi's being experts in medicine, not parenting, do bother me a bit though.  These folks have talked with thousands of parents over the years.  Believe me, any choices you are making for your kids they have seen before, and often see what the outcome is.  That doesn't mean that it won't work for your family but the may have seen that 80% of the time this leads to a certain consequence. 

For example...my dad didn't agree that we had DS in the PNP in our room at first.  This is because he spends a lot of time dealing with unhappy parents with older babies who no longer want them in their rooms but can't make the transition.   It's not that he thought having DS in our room was a problem but wanted us to avoid an unhappy situation down the road for all involved.  While I appreciated his advice of putting DS in his own room from the start, I waited until he was only getting up twice a night and then we moved him no problem.  My dad also thinks we need to let DS cry a bit at bedtime.  I'm not ready to do this right now but probably will be okay with some sleep training at around 6 months.  This is also coming from someone who specializes in learning disabilities and behavior problems and sees family struggling with bedtime with the 2,3,4 year olds.

I know this is getting long but I think it is important to remember that even if "parenting" isn't taught in med school these professionals have lots of experience and have seen what works for different families over the years.  If you feel talked down to by your pedi or feel you can't be honest with them about your parenting choices you obvoiusly have the wrong doctor for your family.  A good pedi should discuss the pros and cons of your choices in a non-judgemental way.  

Crazycrustacean

AnimalHouse:

I agree with a lot of what you all say but I think it is important to at least listen to your pedi's advice.  

I'm not saying not to listen to the pedi. I'm saying that in the end it's your choice to do as you see fit. I listen to my pedi's advice all the time. In fact the one we see now is awesome. We don't see eye to eye on sleep issues, but... He's still got a lot of good information regarding all sorts of things.  

sdkrlm

One of the reasons that I SPH our pediatrician is that he is not pushy.  he has been encouraging me to EBF, waiting until 6 months to start solids.  I told him Avery is a SIDS expert's worst nightmare because she sleeps with a blanket on her head and his reply to me was "well - she puts in on there, she can take it off"

He's super laid back and although he is "text book" by nature, he is a father of 18 month olds.  he KNOWS what goes on.  How sleep training may sound great in theory but in practice can be a nightmare.  He understands that some babies are lazy (mine) and will want to suck a newborn soothie pacifier until they are married with children (ours is headed that way) and he doesn't freak out.  

Avery is anemic right now and instead of immediately telling me "we gotta supplement with formula", he gave me some iron supplements and said 'we'll check her in 3 months'.  

HOWEVER, I haven't had many issues with sleeping, uncommon illnesses, reflux, etc so I'm not sure how he'd be with those issues.

But - crazy is absolutely right.  what is working for your family is probalby the right answer.  If you were doing something to endanger your baby, he'd let you know.  

 

ourlittlebean

i very much agree with pps.  i HAVE stood up for my baby and not taken "no" for an answer.

BUT

i completely trust my pedi.  she is a mom of 4 - oldest is 9yo.  she BF all of them and had to supplement one with formula due to a medical issue.  she's been on all sides of the coin.  i wanted a pedi that i really trusted, on a medical front but also in values/parenting/etc.  the fact is - she DOES know what she is talking about.  and i am free to take her advice or not.  but i need to know that i am getting sound advice. 

AngelLuver_02

Miracle Social Worker

That is a good way of looking at it. I know that I feel pretty insecure about things that I decide to do, and I want the agreement of my MIL, DH or pedi to let me know that I am doing the right thing. The only thing that really matters is that I feel I am doing the right thing!!! (And maybe the blessing of my DH....but he has me do all the decisions about DS)

bride2003

Gwyn1030:

I agree. Pediatricians are experts in child illness, they are not experts in parenting. Often when you have questions about sleeping at night, or nutrition, the answer you get is based on their personal opinion, not medical training. Many doctors know very little about nutrition, and yet they wield so much authority over their patients.

I think if you feel like you pedi doesn't share the same overall view about parenting with you, then you should switch. I guess not always as easy as it sounds though. It sucks that anyone on this board has felt bullied by their doctor.

i agree with this and will listen to my ped but don't usually follow her advice re: feeding, nursing, sleeping etc...  Sometimes I laugh at her suggestions b/c they are so outdated (don't feed fruits before veggies b/c they'll never eat veggies... etc..).  But when it comes to the girls being sick, she is the only one I want treating them. 

AnimalHouse

Crazycrustacean:

AnimalHouse:

I agree with a lot of what you all say but I think it is important to at least listen to your pedi's advice.  

I'm not saying not to listen to the pedi. I'm saying that in the end it's your choice to do as you see fit. I listen to my pedi's advice all the time. In fact the one we see now is awesome. We don't see eye to eye on sleep issues, but... He's still got a lot of good information regarding all sorts of things.  

I wasn't trying to imply that this is what you meant Crazy.  From reading several of your posts it sounds like you have a great relationship with your pedi.  I was more referring to  the belief (maybe moreso on 0-6 than this board honestly) that your pedi is not a source for parenting advice at all.   It probably didn't come across very clearly in my post...DS was up three times last night and that was before my first cup of coffee!  I think we agree that they are a good source but you have to make your own decisions in the end.

jennrg1019

I agree.  The first time I met one of the doctors (Joey was about 10 days old and had a cold) and he made me feel like a complete idiot for bringing him in because it was just a cold.  I came right back at him.  I told him that the baby was 10 days old, I've only been a parent for 10 days, I don't have a medical degree and it was HIS job to determine that it was just a cold.  He's been respectful to me ever since. 

They can only offer advice.  It's my decision if I want to follow their advice.  Fortunately, I agree with 95% of their recommendations.   

ValerianOddity

sdkrlm:

He understands that some babies are lazy (mine) and will want to suck a newborn soothie pacifier until they are married with children (ours is headed that way) and he doesn't freak out.

This made me laugh.  I love your attitude.

lkstor

Ouch! I agree that Pediatricians are experts of childhood illness, not parenting. However there are many uninformed parents out there and it is certainly well within the scope of practice for a physician to give anticipatory guidance about parenting. If you don't like it, that's fine. Pediatricians are often parents, too, and can share their own experiences. Same as on this board. Take what works for you and ignore what doesn't. If you are truly feeling bullied you should find yourself a new doctor! You can ignore this post as well since I'm a physician

Crazycrustacean

lkstor:

Ouch!I agree that Pediatricians are experts of childhood illness, not parenting. However there are many uninformed parents out there and it is certainly well within the scope of practice for a physician to give anticipatory guidance about parenting. If you don't like it, that's fine.Pediatricians are often parents, too, and can share their own experiences. Same as on this board. Take what works for you and ignore what doesn't. If you are truly feeling bullied you should find yourself a new doctor!You can ignore this post as well since I'm a physician

No one is saying to completely ignore your pedi. Last night angel said the pedi she is seeing today tried to force her to supplement with formula. And I think it's terrible that she felt he was trying to force her into something.A lot of times we see posts from women that say they're afraid their pedi will yell at them for something. I think it's terrible that women feel this way. 

Not every pedi is that way. Not every woman will feel that way about their pedi. I'm talking more about pedis who think there is no other way than their way.