A Thanksgiving Silent Birthdate

Aiden'sMom

Random sadness...

It's like you think you have done so well for several weeks, and even feel guilty for not crying anymore, and then bam! How come when I cry, sometimes I have no idea what brought it on? Then, it makes me think of all kinds of other things.

I can't believe that Aiden's birthday is on Thanksgiving Day. I just don't even want the holidays to come around. I know they are a ways off, but I truly dread them. Not only was Aiden born then, but I was supposed to have baby #2 by his birthdate. Now, here I am, thinking about TTC, feeling so helpless with empty arms.

I pray for all pregnant mommies, yet as their weeks progress, it makes me think about how far along I should be and how old Aiden should be. That, in turn, makes me feel like I am being selfish or something.

And then, you have those who totally don't get it. Those family members and friends, who you would have thought would have been there the most, really just neglect to help or hurt when they do talk to you. People just do not get it.

I know way two many close friends who have had losses, and I just feel so bad for them. I pray for all of you who have lost your child much too soon in life.

I am sorry for the pity show! I am just so down right now.

BriAZ

Dont worry. Im sure many of us think this way. I thought today that I would be 16 weeks tomorrow.. having another 4 week appointment and maybe finding out my babies sex. I'm sorry you're feeling this way tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

someflower6

it's completely understandable that you feel down, and it seems like it comes out of nowhere. everything you said is understandable. mourning isn't a set time limit that once it's over, it's over and you move on... you have to learn to move on in life, but always mourning, your loss. it's always there... it's always something worth crying over, worth feeling sad about. i think you're doing the best you can, and that's something that's an encouragement to the rest of us.

vkbaby09

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time now.  That is an unfortunate birthday for Aiden.  It's bad enough to have it around the holidays, but to have such a sad day on an actual holiday I can't even imagine.  Maybe you can change Thanksgiving though?  You can celebrate it on a different day - even in a couple weeks from now.  Or think of a family gathering on Thanksgiving as Aiden's b-day party and say/do something special to honor him?  I know nothing will take the pain away - we all have to learn to live with this grief for the rest of our lives.  Hopefully we'll all have the healthy babies we yearn for to fill our empty arms soon.