another question about talking to people about DC's delays...

Glendi2.0

I was very interested to read people's experiences below about how  (and if) to communicate DC's delays, primarily to family... I'm very lucky in that our families are very understanding of Sylvie's delays, acknowledge what they don't know about PDD/ASD and sincerely want to understand and learn more... my challenge is with other people, people who may just cross paths with Sylvie. For ex., at the children's museum the other day, Sylvie wasn't sharing a cart with a little girl and was getting upset, and the girl's mom was trying to explain to Sylvie that it was her daughter's turn with the cart. (I know, what two-year-old DOES share, right!?) Anyway, I went into super-protective mama bear mode, swooped Sylvie up into my arms, and said to the mom (kinda huffily), "She can't understand you!" and walked off. I realize that it was my emotions about Sylvie not being to communicate her wants and needs that prompted that reaction, but I also realize it's not fair to take it out on someone else, esp. if that person doesn't know the circumstances of Sylvie's behaviors. So,how much DO you share? I'm trying to come up with a quick one-liner, something like "She has some developmental delays, so she can't communicate as well as some kids," or something like that, as opposed to saying, "she has PDD-NOS"  which is almost always met with a blank stare, requiring me to go into a longwinded explanation. I'm all for educating people, but sometimes I'm in a bit of a rush, you know?

Any thoughts about this are greatly appreciated!

 

ILoveBoys

Did you DD have the cart first? Because then that mom should have been telling HER child that she needed to wait her turn, the other girl was playing first.    My son has a speech delay, and whenever people ask him a question like What's your name? or How old are you? I just step in and say "He can't tell you, but his name is Will" or "He doesn't talk much, his name's WIll"  I think if you could come up with a short, explanation, that would be good for most people. Some may ask questions. GL! Curious to see others responses....

meghans30

When T was non-verbal (up until 3.5) I would simply explain that he had a language delay and wasn't able to speak clearly. I didn't get into the specifics, but in a situation like the one you were in, I would have tried to interfer on my son's behalf. I know what it is like to go into "mother bear" mode.

bugmommy

Hmm, if your DD had the cart first I'm really failing to see how this started.  I guess I probably would have stepped in and said that we weren't quite finished with our turn, but that we would turn it over in a few minutes.   At most I would have added that "we are working on our sharing and communication so this is a little hard for us" as an explanation.  I usually reserve my PDD spiel for moms that we see regularly enough that I care whether or not they think my kid is out of control or I don't know what I'm doing

I did want to mention that I saw on the Autism Speaks website that you can purchase a button or stickers that say something like "I'm not misbehaving, I have autism.  Please be patient."  I thought these might be a good idea for certain situations, especially as DS gets older.

W&J'sMommy

When strangers talk to DS and he can't respond I say, "he's learning how to talk but he understands what you're saying to him".  When he has sharing/playing issues I say, "we are working on sharing".

I am very concerned about his self-esteem, so I figured those things were the most positive way to put it.

 

EnglishMajor03

ILoveBoys:

Did you DD have the cart first? Because then that mom should have been telling HER child that she needed to wait her turn, the other girl was playing first.   

This.

And to answer your question, I have always had a hard time coming up with a short, one-liner for my DD too.  She has a skin condition so it's very visible and people always think she has some rash or poison ivy and that it's catchy.  We often tell a white lie saying she has eczema, which she does have it, but it's not the true cause of her skin looking the way it does.  I know this doesn't help you out specifically, but wanted to let you know there have been many a time where a stranger would ask what was "wrong" with my DD and I would snap back saying "nothing, what's wrong with you!".  Obviously that doesn't help any situation, but like you, momma lion was in protection mode   Good luck coming up with your response!  It's not easy.

Glendi2.0

thanks ladies... I somehow missed the beginning of the interaction, so I don't know whether DD had the cart first. Glad to hear I'm not the only one with this challenge, and I'm coming up with some good ideas... thanks again!

signed,

mom whose DD "has some communication delays"

(how's that for short and sweet!)

skittles_123

That is usually what we say to strangers when have an issue like that. Sometimes, we will just say he is extremely shy. I will look into the autism speaks cards, good idea.

mommyof4boys

I have a few working phrases I use like "He's the strong but silent type" or "He's shy." or "He's a man of little words" but if people really press that's when I say "He's non-verbal."  If people are pressing I will also throw a sign in there for him to do hoping people "get" it before they make comments.