Sad news (to me)

alicatt79

The organizer of my mommy group had an u/s today and they didn't find a heartbeat.  She was almost 8 weeks.  She had some bleeding the past week, but was told it was ok since it wasn't red blood.  She was so excited, too.  I was really sad when I heard about this, even though I don't even know her all that well.  It just breaks my heart that just the other day she was talking about how great it was going to be. 

I have no experience with m/s.  Is there anything I could do or say to make her feel even a little bit better?

mlf625

That sucks. ?And that's why I HATE when people act like spotting is no big deal unless it's red. ?Untrue.

As far as what to do or say, a card would be a very nice touch. ?Keep it very simple- "I am so sorry for your loss. ?You are in my thoughts." ?It really hurt me when people who knew I miscarried didn't say anything at all. ?Not like I wanted everyone to dwell, but even a quick hug and an "I'm here for you" meant a lot to me.

adamwife

My sister has had three and she says that it is always nice when people send cards - as if they are acknowledging her pain.  It bothers her because some people don't understand why she would be upset by losing a baby so soon in a pregnancy, so the acknowledgement is nice.

I think people just want to know that you are there to listen if they need to talk, but there really isn't much you can say other than "Sorry", "it sucks" and "I'm here if you need me."

The less you say the better!

alicatt79

Ok, I'll send a card. 

To me pregnant is pregnant.  From the first day I found out, I was imagining my baby as an infant, toddler, man, father, everything.  Being pregnant (to me anyway) involves so much hope and faith.  To m/s at such an early stage seems just as awful as losing the baby later (only you've had less time to build a relationship).  Either way, losing that hope must be devastating.  KWIM?

Monkeybuttwhat

I agree the less you say the better. When my friend had one I sent a card.

smacb

alicatt79:

I have no experience with m/s.  Is there anything I could do or say to make her feel even a little bit better?

no.  I've had 2 m/c. nothing helps