LGBT Parenting

Confession

Last night was a bad night Sad

Andrea's been irritable and exhausted all week and it all came to a head yesterday evening at a particularly bad softball game.  She was pitching (not very well) and they lost - to thier biggest rivals.  So she was kinda pissy at the game and very fustrated with herself.  When we got home I gave her a card (whenever i see a sweet one that i like i pick it up and hold onto it for opportune moment such as this...) and after reading it she totally broke down.  She said she doesnt think she's pregnant and she doesnt want me to get my hopes up. She was just feeling really dissapointed in herself and realizing that the TTC process was a lot more fustrating and draining than she realized. She didnt expect it to be so hard, or to be so emotionally invested so early on, ect ect.

Ugh. The whole thing was just so not like her and its really difficult for me to be on this side of things. I reminded her that we are not that far into the "process", but at the same time i dont want to discredit her feelings. I'm also caught in the balance of being honest about my own feelings (yeah, i've been sad too) but staying positive for her.

blah. i'm not even sure what the point of this post is. i guess i just had to vent.  This morning I had an actual moment of heart-stopping panic imagining my sil getting pg before us and stealing our name of choice (she's famous for copying everything i do). I KNOW how ridiculous that is and yet it still ran through my mind.  TTC can really mess with your head!

Re: Confession

  • Yes, it sure does mess with your head. I'm sorry last night was rough ((hugs)). Being on the same side of this process as Andrea, I totally understand the emotional breakdown and her feelings.  It's hard to spend every moment wondering if your body is giving you signs, if the sperm and egg met, how long it will take to finally get the BFP.  I realize that you are thinking these same thoughts too but there is something inherently different about it being her body. I don't have high hopes for this cycle at all and I get really sad wondering if I have additional TTC problems other than just lack of sperm. What if I can't do this? What if my eggs are messed up? What if we have to use donor eggs and donor sperm? I too KNOW that is ridiculous to be thinking like this already but I can't help it.

    Okay...so I got off on little tangent but just wanted to let you know you are sooooo sooooo normal.  You both are justified in being sad, happy, excited and all over an emotional roller coaster.  This isn't easy at all but as you know we've got a very supportive board to vent to anytime. :-)

    ETA: I just wanted to make sure that this didn't come across as saying only Andrea's feelings of saddness are valid, because that's not how I feel at all! All of your feelings are right and okay, they are just coming from different places. Andrea and I have to worry about whether it's our bodies that will dissapoint you and K.  You and K have to worry about keeping Andrea and I supported while also supporting yourselves.  Both jobs are equally hard but Andrea and you are such a good team that I have no doubt you'll get through the rollercoaster together.

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  • ((hugs)) We all know how hard and draining this process can be, even when we're at the beginning of it. I have had more than a few breakdowns myself.

    It is hard, I think, especially because we all know that it can take a while to get pregnant, etc, etc. And yet every month we almost *have* to have hope (after all, if we didn't think there was a chance of it working, we wouldn't do it, right?). So we hold those two opposing beliefs in our heads on an ongoing basis, and the cognitive dissonance is exhausting.

    I don't know if you'll want to share this with her or not, but I didn't think I was pregnant this cycle. At all. The only one who thought I was was Sylvia. And she was right. How I wish I hadn't wasted those days of the tww being disappointed with myself!

    Hang in there, and give A a big hug for us.

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
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  • imagethiswillbe:

    It is hard, I think, especially because we all know that it can take a while to get pregnant, etc, etc. And yet every month we almost *have* to have hope (after all, if we didn't think there was a chance of it working, we wouldn't do it, right?). So we hold those two opposing beliefs in our heads on an ongoing basis, and the cognitive dissonance is exhausting.

    you have no idea how much i love that you just used "cognitive dissonance" in a post.

  • So sorry to hear about your rough night.  This process is so emotional before we even get started (take it from the girl who was crying last night over ovulating at CD15)!  Yes, it's "early," but you've been waiting a long time to get here and it's hard to keep waiting and deal with the ups and downs.  But you both have each other for support, and you'll help each other deal with all feelings that come on this roller coaster.  I am hoping so very much that you'll get your bfp this time.  But even if it's not this time, your baby will come.  Hugs to you both!
    Mrs._F
    sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer

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  • imageTwo*True:

    Yes, it sure does mess with your head. I'm sorry last night was rough ((hugs)). Being on the same side of this process as Andrea, I totally understand the emotional breakdown and her feelings.  It's hard to spend every moment wondering if your body is giving you signs, if the sperm and egg met, how long it will take to finally get the BFP.  I realize that you are thinking these same thoughts too but there is something inherently different about it being her body.

    Part of the struggle i'm having is that it isn't my body, and therefore I feel the need to sensor my feelings or that in some way they come second to hers.....i dont know, I suppose this is a spin off post entirely...its not that i dont understand where she's coming from or why she's feeling what she is, but it was hard to remain positive and be strong when I mostly wanted to sit and cry with her.   

    But, I know that times like that are exactly what marriage is all about - no doubt sometime soon she'll be the strong and supportive shoulder I need in a time of sadness.

    ::sigh:: the cognitive dissonance is exhausting :P

    Edited b/c I just read your edit: No worries, you and I are on the same page :) 

  • ct - and everyone else - I am glad you posted.  We are having a hard time too.  I'm the non-bio, as you all may remember.  I try to stay positive too, but DW is having such a hard time.  Particularly harrd:  we are part of a ss parenting group where everyone has kids, or is pregnant, but us....last night the QOTD was "what stage at you at in the parenting process?" and they all had kids there!  We are thinking of taking a hiatus from the group and telling just our closest couple friends why.  We LOVE the kid and baby time yet are really struggling with not being there yet.  Also, DW tested when we were out of town - several days too early - and got a weird unclear result.  Then we tested when I got home and it was negative.  Now we are trying to wait until Sunday.  as the person who won't be the bio mom, I try so hard to support her and let her know it is not her fault. I think the HSG test came to her with a mixture of feelings.  Now we feel more hopeful, yet I think she may also feel fustrated that her tubes were blocked for tries 1-4.

     

    I love that this board has bio and non bio TTC-ers on it.  It really helps give the whole range of perspectives.  Two and CT - I am pulling for you and yours and TWB - so so excited for you!

  • imageMrs._F:
    Yes, it's "early," but you've been waiting a long time to get here and it's hard to keep waiting and deal with the ups and downs. 

    exactly.

    ps - i know the CD15 O is fustrating with your upcoming travel - but it really is a good thing in terms of egg/lining health....so small bright side?

  • imagectbride08:
    imageTwo*True:

    Yes, it sure does mess with your head. I'm sorry last night was rough ((hugs)). Being on the same side of this process as Andrea, I totally understand the emotional breakdown and her feelings.  It's hard to spend every moment wondering if your body is giving you signs, if the sperm and egg met, how long it will take to finally get the BFP.  I realize that you are thinking these same thoughts too but there is something inherently different about it being her body.

    Part of the struggle i'm having is that it isn't my body, and therefore I feel the need to sensor my feelings or that in some way they come second to hers.....i dont know, I suppose this is a spin off post entirely...its not that i dont understand where she's coming from or why she's feeling what she is, but it was hard to remain positive and be strong when I mostly wanted to sit and cry with her.   

    But, I know that times like that are exactly what marriage is all about - no doubt sometime soon she'll be the strong and supportive shoulder I need in a time of sadness.

    ::sigh:: the cognitive dissonance is exhausting :P

    Edited b/c I just read your edit: No worries, you and I are on the same page :) 

    I don't think you have to remain positive and strong. K and I have a similar situation but just opposite - lol!  She doesn't think about the 2ww AT ALL!  Last night we got to talking and I asked her if she gets her hopes up - her answer was no.  She explained that of course she hopes that it works and wants us to have child but she doesn't get/understand/partake in the emotional roller coaster.  I wouldn't want her to pretend to hope each cycle and wait with baited breath for the results if that isn't what she is feeling.  Similarly I don't think A would want you to try and be brave and strong all the time if you just want to sit and cry.

    Don't sensor your feelings, just work to find the right balance of support and communication. 

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  • imagectbride08:

    ps - i know the CD15 O is fustrating with your upcoming travel - but it really is a good thing in terms of egg/lining health....so small bright side?

    Thanks, I'm trying to remain zen.  It all depends now on how long my luteal phase is this time - it was pretty short the last two months, if it is longer than it has been this time, the timing will be fine.  So many unknowns every step of the way!

    Mrs._F
    sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer

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