This got my panties in a bunch

jll1881

Let me preface this by saying that I know DH is very stressed at work.  There is a constant threat of him being laid off, and he works with a bunch of idiots who don't do their jobs, so he is often doing the work of several people.  I know this doesn't excuse his behavior, but I'm just saying.

So I asked DH to plan an overnight getaway for our anniversary.  Every time we have gone away, I'm always the one to do all of the planning.  I thought it would be nice to have someone do it for me and just make it happen.  DH came home yesterday and said that he tried to book a night at a B&B and then read on their website that there's a two night minimum on the weekends.  I told him that sometimes if you call, they will make an exception, particuarly if they need to fill that room.  His response was that he doesn't have time to make these calls or plan this trip because he "works all day," insinuating that I don't.  I was so angry (as this is a recurring theme) that it made me not want to go anywhere with him for our anniversary or anything else.  I don't know how to get it through his head that taking care of a baby is work, too.  Plus I'm working part-time and doing work from home to prep for my fall classes.  When I mention to him that I might need him to stay with DD so I can go into the office on one of his days off, he gets all huffy and puffy. 

I know many of you have suggested having him stay home with her to see what it's like.  He's done that.  Many times.  And he still doesn't get it. 

Fish4Fun

jll1881:

Let me preface this by saying that I know DH is very stressed at work.  There is a constant threat of him being laid off, and he works with a bunch of idiots who don't do their jobs, so he is often doing the work of several people.  I know this doesn't excuse his behavior, but I'm just saying.

I think it sort of does excuse his behavior (in this particular instance).  With the threat of layoffs being present, it would reflect very poorly on him were he to make calls for a personal getaway while at the office.  I understand that you want him to be sweet and arrange things for once, but now is probably not the time to push this.  If you can get over your negative feelings, arrange this trip.  I think both of you will feel better after a vacation.

(Disclaimer: I don't know anything about whatever other issues exist.)

jenerally

He's stressed at work and he's taking it out on you. There's not really too much you can do about that, unfortch, except talk to him (which you are already doing).

Parenting and marriage is about compromise. If he isn't willing to meet you halfway, what's the point?

You say you left him with her ... for how long? A whole day? Two days in a row? An hour? Were you just in the other room, waiting to whisk in and help out?

I think he needs a reality check; he's acting like a spoiled brat. Work stress or no, he needs to grow the eff up.