OMG DH (Vent, Long)

ashleighathomson

This morning he came home from work and I mentioned to him that DS's plasti-bell from his circumcision looked a little funky. The pediatrician said that it might be red and pus a bit until it fell off @ 7-10 days (DS is 8 days old), so I wasn't too concerned. I took his temperature and it was normal, and he wasn't acting fussy or showing any discomfort. I had been up all night with him, changing his diaper and feeding him every 3 hours. This was my first 24 hours alone with DS and everything went fine and I didn't notice anything wrong with the plasti-bell until this morning.

The minute he looked at it he immediately FLIPPED out, started pacing around the house and bellowing about how we had to get to the ER right away. Nothing I said calmed him down... I finally quit trying because I would have rather have been safe then sorry. If anything were to have happened to my baby, I would have been pissed!

So we arrive at the ER and are getting him checked in and explaining what happened. I told the nurse that it had been a little red last night but not bothering him and I last changed his diaper at 7 this morning when he ate. (It was about 9:30 when we got to the hospital). He then exploded at me in front of the nurse saying "You need to change his diaper more often" and talking over me (like he ALWAYS does) as I was explaining my thoughts and that the pediatrician said that this was normal.

I had to excuse myself for a minute to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't cry in front of the hospital staff.  His being all panicky made me really anxious in the first place on top of my horomones going crazy and getting little sleep.

Immediately after checking him and removing the plasti-bell (which was falling off anyway), the doctor says "Oh, that's normal!" ...I really wanted to side-eye DH but I was just relieved that it really was alright.

I shouldn't complain, DH is just a concerned daddy and I would rather him be that way then the other...But doesn't my opinion matter? I'm the SAH parent, here. 

*sighs, shuffles off to hold LO*...

jacksjerseygirl

1. I'm glad DS is okay,

2. I'm sorry you had such a rotten morning after a long night

3. What DH did has nothing to do with him being a concerned daddyIMO but everything to do with him not respecting or trusting your judgement. You are co-parenting which means that you should talk things over together - not while one is going off blowing their steam all over the place and disrespecting the other parent. IMO when DS is put down for a nap you and DH need to have a conversation about how to better communicate and respect the other ESPECIALLY in times of concern. This is not going to be the first potential health issue that DS is going to have.

Have a good day! It sounds like you need it.

mrsbliven

you are right that it is good for him to be concerned. however, he needs to respect you as a parent and not step on your toes like that. i hope you have the kind of relationship where you and DH can talk about how that made you feel and how being a mommy is just as scary if not scarier. You have a lot of road ahead and it would really be helpful to try and work through this.

good luck!

bobcatsteph

I would be pissed if my DH did that to me. With that said, your son is only 8 days old and y'all are both probably nervous about making sure everything is perfect with him. I don't think it's abnormal to be a little more snippy to each other in the begining but I would tell DH how I felt about it and make sure that it didn't turn into a habit.

RandZB

I LOVE your son's name.  First, I don't blame your DH for being overly cautious and wanting to go to the hospital.  He has a penis, we don't.  We don't really know what's normal and what's not!  But, your DH should not ever explode on you in public.  You are an adult.  He undermines you as the boy's mother when he belittles you in public like that and tries to make it look like you don't know what you're doing.  If my DH ever made me cry in public by talking down to me like that, we would have a come-to-Jesus meeting but quick.  I hope he calms down and apologizes, especially since the doctor said that everything was normal.

jll1881

I'm a little flustered after reading that.  I think DH just reacted out of emotion and worry, but it still doesn't excuse how he treated you.  He needs to know how his reaction made you feel and should work on controlling his emotions better.  DH has done similar things to me - moreso just underhanded comments that suggested I didn't know what I was doing.  He just needs to understand that sometimes you do things differently than he does - doesn't make either of you right or wrong.

And glad to hear everything is OK with DS. 

ashleighathomson

fredalina:

jacksjerseygirl:

1. I'm glad DS is okay,

2. I'm sorry you had such a rotten morning after a long night

3. What DH did has nothing to do with him being a concerned daddyIMO but everything to do with him not respecting or trusting your judgement. You are co-parenting which means that you should talk things over together - not while one is going off blowing their steam all over the place and disrespecting the other parent. IMO when DS is put down for a nap you and DH need to have a conversation about how to better communicate and respect the other ESPECIALLY in times of concern. This is not going to be the first potential health issue that DS is going to have.

Have a good day! It sounds like you need it.

Could not agree more.  IDK what caused him to behave this way, but from your comment "like he always does", it sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you in general, not just this one situation.  Which requires some serious conversation and maybe even counseling.

The thing is, this is not normal behavior for him. Well, the "talking over me" part is, but he does this to other people as well...so I don't take that part too personally. I've talked to him about it before, I just don't think he realizes that he's doing it and that it's impolite.

The thing that is upsetting is that he never snaps at me. Especially in front of other people like that. He apologized and felt bad about it but honestly I feel like he was calling me a bad mother. As if I'm not constantly worrying about how I'm doing anyway....

Thanks, ladies... Always making me feel better!

emaria

he's not a concerned parent, he's an ass.  if he was concerned he would calmly let you know his concerns and recommend a trip to the ER without undermining your parenting and disrespecting you as his wife.  my husband is an excellent father and is constantly looking out for ava but he would never ever speak to me that way.  we parent as a team without making each other feel like crap.

i suggest you talk with him and let him know that speaking to you in that manner is never acceptable.  

Mrslove78

No time to read everyone else's reply, someone may have said this already.

You need to put him in check once everything is back to normal for you guys.  Let him know how the family is to be run...  he should NEVER panic about a situation, that is when things will go badly for LO.

DH has divorced parents, so I think he needed a little more training than me in the basics of how to act as mom and dad.

After several things happened and everything was happy again between us I told him the ground rules.  For me, number 1 is:  when we argue, don't be angry or aggressive in front of LO, and don't get mad at me and say something like "give me my baby".  (he's not to be used as a pawn in our arguments EVER)  First, he should trust that you are doing everything properly, but if he's concerned why not say "hey honey, do you think your changing his diaper enough?"  Just because your a SAHM doesn't give him the right to treat you so disrespectful; trust me, your working way harder for the next 4 months than he will be.

It's a new family dynamic and it can be confusing.  Help your DH along and teach him how it should work.  I wish you luck.