s/o Cheating ... To tell or not to tell

TexasLadyBug

From the post below many of you thought it was not your place to tell the wife she was being cheated on. Who's place is it? The husband is not going to tell her at least not any time soon if he is bragging about it. It takes some real balls to brag to the same group of people who talk with your wife.

Point being if you where if her shows what would you want to happen? Would you want your friends not to tell you because they thought it was not their place or would you want them to tell you??

And to add to it they are trying for another baby. He could get AIDS from his little game he is playing and the end result could be a child born with AIDS. How is it the child's fault? Who protects the child? I know this is way off on the branch here but its food for thought.?

Bellisimo

I totally agree!  I know that I would want someone to tell me ASAP if they found out something like that!  If for no other reason than for the sake of my kid(s)!!  I don't care if it wrecks my marriage....someone telling me that isn't what would wreck my marriage.....HIS actions would though!

Runnerwife

Maybe I'm not in the majority, but I think DH and I would have to confront this moron and explain to him just how many consequences these actions could have on the health of his family.

Then we'd calmly(!) explain that "either you tell her or we will".

 

innes1015

If I knew about a friend doing this, I would try to secretly arrange for both to be at the same place so the other could see for themselves.  Stinks any way around it, but with who he is doing it with, I'm not sure there is an easy way to 'catch' him doing it.

bnljane1988

Honestly.....mind your own business.

RJMbim

I have been the friend to "rat" out a bf before twice, once it damaged a friendship and the second time she made a ton of excuses for him and took him back in a heartbeat.

Would I do it again? yes, because they mean(t) alot to me and especially the latter case she was still breastfeeding and having sex with that animal; he was also soliciting strippers for sex so I thought it was very serious.

I guess it depends on how much you care about the person; I wouldn't tell an "aquaintance" but I'd tell a friend in a heartbeat because that's what I would want.

Too many diseases in the world.

MikesFavoriteWife

RunnerWife:

Maybe I'm not in the majority, but I think DH and I would have to confront this moron and explain to him just how many consequences these actions could have on the health of his family.

Then we'd calmly(!) explain that "either you tell her or we will".

 

 

DH wanted to say something but didn't want to do it in front everyone. They all went out after the game and he didn't bother to go so he hasn't had the chance. This was last night btw.

You know, I get this and I feel like I should tell her but I know for a fact it will wreck the friendship. She is very "protective" of her DH. Always on his side, always sticking up for him. I really don't know what to do. I told DH that I didn't know how I could not tell her and he understood. We both agreed that we would just stay out of it and go our separate ways. Now I'm not so sure. It won't be easy.

Bellisimo

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

Um, he kind of made it everyone's business by bragging openly about it.  He "sh!t in his own mess kit" if you will!

JanieMac

I wouldn't "mind my own business" when the health of a friend and her (possible) offspring were in danger.

Jennilynn

I honestly think I would want someone to tell me. Yeah- I might be angry w/ them & defend my husband at first. But if a friend told me something like that it might make me think a little harder about our relationship and notice those little things that would tell me something really is going on.

AmyCC1980

If it were me I would want someone to tell me!  I think that if you know that a close friend is not only being cheated on by her husband but that the husband is also engaging in seriously risky behavior and putting your friend's life at risk you not only have a place to tell her but also a responsability.  To me it would be worth it to loose a friend but know that I might have saved her life. 

ChefBrit

I think that at first she would be really angry and protective but in the end after everything went down i think she would realize what a great friend you are. At least that is how it was for my sister who's H cheated on her.. she was told by a friend.. she found out that lots of her friends (supposedly BEST/Closest) knew as well.. Not a single one told her. She felt extremely betrayed and not only hurt by what her H did but hurt by the fact that her friends didn't tell her what they knew. The woman that told her had only hung out with her one other time.. TELL HER!!

jkmccall22

I honestly don't know what I would do.  On one hand, I believe that the goings on of a marriage are between those 2 people and those 2 only.  On the other, he's the one who is bragging about it to people who also know his wife.  So, from a psychological standpoint, it almost seems like part of him wants to get caught.  He has to know that the possibility exists that she will find out.  However, I think that the cheating, itself, along with the bragging are a testament to just how little respect he has for his wife and the sanctity of their marriage.  I probably wouldn't tell her, but I wouldn't feel bad for him when she finds out.  I would pity him....because he is pathetic.

If he's the kind of person who brags about this behavior, there have probably been other things she doesn't know about.  Most cheaters don't usually just start out with prostitutes and outright bragging.  I would say this isn't the first time. 

lp0418

Considering that I have been in a situation where I was being cheated on, and had no idea, I would seriously want any friend of mine who knew about it ( as long as they were 100%, no sense stirring up trouble where there is none) to tell me all they knew about my DH, FI, SO, cheating ways. Luckily I have some great friends who saw what was going on behind my back and had the balls to tell me about it, otherwise I would have gotten married to someone who wasn't faithful to me, and probably wouldn't have been after we were married.

Also, being someone's friend and knowing that their partner was obviously cheating on them and having told that friend about their partner's cheating I feel it's really the only thing you could do in that situation. Would you really want to watch your friend be so hurt when they find out on their own that they were being cheated on and that you knew all along? I couldn't, especially not on the grounds of ethics.

TexasLadyBug

Sexy Little Bride:

RunnerWife:

Maybe I'm not in the majority, but I think DH and I would have to confront this moron and explain to him just how many consequences these actions could have on the health of his family.

Then we'd calmly(!) explain that "either you tell her or we will".

?

?

DH wanted to say something but didn't want to do it in front everyone. They all went out after the game and he didn't bother to go so he hasn't had the chance. This was last night btw.

You know, I get this and I feel like I should tell her but I know for a fact it will wreck the friendship. She is very "protective" of her DH. Always on his side, always sticking up for him. I really don't know what to do. I told DH that I didn't know how I could not tell her and he understood. We both agreed that we would just stay out of it and go our separate ways. Now I'm not so sure. It won't be easy.

If you are going to go your separate ways then tell her. I would tell her even if you were not planning on going your separate ways. In the end it will be between her and her husband and she may believe his lie, but I am sure she will be keeping an open ear and eye from here on out.

Personally I just dont know how I would not be able to tell her, she is your friend and I am sure you care about her heath and kids. This is a touchy topic but I dont think you should turn a blind eye on it. I guess its one thing if they were strangers, it might be a little easier to walk away, but they are your friends at least she is your friend. Would you want her to tell you if she knew your husband was cheating on you??

kada626

JanieMac:

I wouldn't "mind my own business" when the health of a friend and her (possible) offspring were in danger.

This.

If a friend of mine found out my DH was cheating, I would want to know. Also, If I found out that a friend knew & didn't tell me...I wouldn't be friends with her anymore either. Where is the f'ing loyalty??

Jennilynn

jkmccall22:

I honestly don't know what I would do.  On one hand, I believe that the goings on of a marriage are between those 2 people and those 2 only. 

 

Yeah- until he starts bringing around number 3, 4, 5... It is no longer just about husband & wife. He screwed that one up.

Jennilynn

jkmccall22:

I honestly don't know what I would do.  On one hand, I believe that the goings on of a marriage are between those 2 people and those 2 only. 

 

Yeah- until he starts bringing around number 3, 4, 5... It is no longer just about husband & wife. He screwed that one up.

pretty_helmet

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

remind me of this remark if your husband starts cheating on you with hookers and gives you HIV.

Mike&Care

I have no clue. I've never been in that situation. Since they are neighbors, I would just distance myself from them. Only wave when getting the mail, stop going out with them. etc. Maybe I'd send the wife an anonymous letter, but in the end they might know who sent it. She'll probably stay with the cheating hubby and it would be really awkward to see them everyday.

I think I'd mind my own business.

Impatientgal

ITA. I would absolutely tell. And I'd be ok risking her being mad at me/ breaking off our friendship if it meant she would know and get tested and reconsider getting pregnant with this assshole's kid.

I'd be even more FURIOUS, deeply hurt, and humiliated if I found out everyone else knew about his cheating except me.

MikesFavoriteWife

TexasLadyBug:

Sexy Little Bride:

RunnerWife:

Maybe I'm not in the majority, but I think DH and I would have to confront this moron and explain to him just how many consequences these actions could have on the health of his family.

Then we'd calmly(!) explain that "either you tell her or we will".

 

 

DH wanted to say something but didn't want to do it in front everyone. They all went out after the game and he didn't bother to go so he hasn't had the chance. This was last night btw.

You know, I get this and I feel like I should tell her but I know for a fact it will wreck the friendship. She is very "protective" of her DH. Always on his side, always sticking up for him. I really don't know what to do. I told DH that I didn't know how I could not tell her and he understood. We both agreed that we would just stay out of it and go our separate ways. Now I'm not so sure. It won't be easy.

If you are going to go your separate ways then tell her. I would tell her even if you were not planning on going your separate ways. In the end it will be between her and her husband and she may believe his lie, but I am sure she will be keeping an open ear and eye from here on out.

Personally I just dont know how I would not be able to tell her, she is your friend and I am sure you care about her heath and kids. This is a touchy topic but I dont think you should turn a blind eye on it. I guess its one thing if they were strangers, it might be a little easier to walk away, but they are your friends at least she is your friend. Would you want her to tell you if she knew your husband was cheating on you? 

Ugh, maybe you are right. This just really sucks. Not only am I heartbroken for her and her son, I'm heartbroken that our friendship is probably going to end. This is going to be really hard, we have been friends for a few years now. Hell we live right next door!

bnljane1988

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

remind me of this remark if your husband starts cheating on you with hookers and gives you HIV.

there are no words.

pretty_helmet

bnljane1988:

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

remind me of this remark if your husband starts cheating on you with hookers and gives you HIV.

there are no words.

i said "if".

bnljane1988

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

remind me of this remark if your husband starts cheating on you with hookers and gives you HIV.

there are no words.

i said "if".

Yes.  I can read. 

I meant, "there are no words" IF this occurred in my life.  I can't even imagine it.

pretty_helmet

bnljane1988:

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

pretty_helmet:

bnljane1988:

Honestly.....mind your own business.

remind me of this remark if your husband starts cheating on you with hookers and gives you HIV.

there are no words.

i said "if".

Yes.  I can read. 

I meant, "there are no words" IF this occurred in my life.  I can't even imagine it.

OH!  sorry, i read that as in "there are no words to respond to your comment because i think you're an idiot".  i hate how some comments get miscontstrued.

we cool, yo!

bnljane1988

pretty_helmet:

OH!  sorry, i read that as in "there are no words to respond to your comment because i think you're an idiot".  i hate how some comments get miscontstrued.

we cool, yo!

seriously LOL!!  I know. It's one of the annoying aspects of posting....