- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Multiples
Devastating Birth Story - very long
We had what ended up being our last perinatologist appointment on Thursday afternoon. The amniotic fluid had only lessened since the week before to an immeasurable point and my cervix was shortening at an alarming rate, but it was still closed. The doctor sent us home with a card for another appointment for Tuesday, which would have been exactly 23 weeks, and the first time when the babies could possibly make it. That night I started having contractions. There weren?t that many, but it was more than the 5-6 per hour you are able to have and be ok. So, I called my ob and she said to come in. When we got to the hospital, the contractions weren?t able to be picked up on the monitor, but I still felt them. She checked my cervix and found it to be 1 cm dilated. I had some terbutaline and the contractions stopped, but the outlook was pretty grim. In the morning we met with the peri and a neonatologist. Nobody had much hope for our boys, but we tried to remain positive. They sent us home saying that there was nothing they could do this early. For a while there was nothing. Then at about 7pm on Friday night the contractions started up again pretty regularly. I tried to drink more water, ignore them, anything to make that not be our reality, but finally at 4:30 in the morning I couldn?t take the pain anymore. The contractions were coming every 1-5 minutes and lasting at least a minute. When we got to the hospital, my doctor did not want to do an internal for risk of making it worse and causing an infection, so she looked at my cervix with a speculum and didn?t see any changes to the outside of my cervix. That made me a little hopeful, but with the way the contractions were coming, and that they couldn?t really use some of the medicines to stop them because they cause further fluid loss, I knew it was going to be the end, especially when staidol and morphine weren?t doing anything but making me a little loopy and not controlling any of the pain.
When the peri and the next ob came on duty, they finally checked me and found I was 4 cm dilated and there was no turning back ? our worst nightmare was about to happen ? we were going to lose our precious babies.
The rest of that day was a bit of a blur. There were a lot of tears and a lot of waiting. We had to say good-bye to the most amazing nurse and woman whose shift ended at 7pm. We were so fortunate to have this very compassionate person at our side through our roughest time. She had also got us in touch with one of the chaplains at the hospital who was also a huge comfort during this time. They were surprised that the boys hadn?t come yet, but it wouldn?t be that much longer.
The stormy night was a perfect backdrop of the events that happened. I suffered through the epidural wearing off, then, when they gave me more meds, the block went really high and my blood pressure became dangerously low, I couldn?t breathe well enough and couldn?t feel anything from my neck down. Luckily I pulled through that scary half an hour. Then at about 3am the pain became excruciating. Luckily this time, when the epidural was turned back on, it worked and helped immensely, but then I ended up being stuck at 9 ? cm dilated for a really long time.
At 4am I felt the need to push, and sure enough the nurse could see Ian?s little bottom. Ian Richard was born at 4:16am breech with his bottom first (he was also 1lb 1oz and 11.5in long). He came out still because he had endured a birth that babies meant to live would not have had. We spent about 20 minutes with him until I felt a lot of pain and the need to push again. After only two pushes, Colin Patrick shot out of me and was born alive at 4:44am (he was 1lb 4oz and 11.5 in long). His pulse was very faint and he really didn?t move. I was able to hold him right away. The chaplain came right in and performed their baptism while Colin was still alive. The three nurses and the doctor stayed and participated. The wonderful organization, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, sent us a professional photographer who came in when we were ready right after the baptism to take pictures of them and us. They were so wonderful and would leave if we needed them to, like when it was determined about an hour after his birth that Colin was no longer with us.
We spent about three hours marveling over our perfect little boys, trying to take everything in. It was such a comfort to be able to hold them and kiss them. I still can?t believe that all this happened. That I don?t have them growing inside me anymore. That I won?t ever be able to hear them cry, to share them with our loved ones, to see them grow and learn and be babies, little boys and men.
Thank you all for your support during my rough pregnancy. You gave me great advice and comfort when I needed both. I hope that none of you will have to endure the pain I feel right now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Devastating Birth Story - very long
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is heartbreaking. I will be praying for your family.
Beta #1 15dpo 298, Beta #2 18dpo 1048
Family Blog
Infertility Blog
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
I am so so very sorry :-(
hugs
I am so sorry for your losses
We are here for you!