Shower etiquette question

spiffy

My mom, about 3 months ago, asked me what sort of shower I wanted.  I told her I had three things I'd like to have: I'd like it to be a relaxed co-ed thing like a BBQ or picnic; that I needed it to be on a Sunday so hubby could be there (it's his only day off due to mandatory OT); and that I needed to know the date at least six weeks in advance so a few out of towners could schedule off, including my best friend since kidhood.

 Apparantly she sent out invitations this week for a shower on 7/11 instead of 7/12, and now several people, including daddy to be and a half a dozen others who had planned on coming can't be there without a change in schedule. She agreed to move it over a day, but now I feel like a retched person for pushing it. 

I guess my question is do I have an excuse to be upset, or am I being controlled by the overabundance of hormones?

ETA (b/c I pushed post accidentally) that she did tell me Sunday the 12th at first, which I passed on to out of town friends.  I don't know when it morphed into the 11th.

Twistedpixie7@aol.com

I dont blame you for being upset, you didnt really ask for too much, and to not be able to have your DH there kinda sucks to say the least!

Thats a little late to be sending out invites as well. ?Hope it all goes well. GL!?

At1stsight

I'd be upset too. She asked for your input on these few things and made you believe she was following through on them. Esp. the Sat. date instead of the Sun. date would bother me; she didn't verify the date with you before sending the invites? That's odd - you definitely aren't just being hormonal.

EastCoastBride

As she totally went against BOTH of your requests, yes, I'd be upset.  It's one thing if she jsut wasn't able to plan it 6 weeks out.  It's summer, she has a life to lead too- it may have been too much to look that far out.  BUT - she absolutely should have done it on Sunday.

But that makes me wonder - does she really want to throw a coed shower?  Maybe she wanted to do a more traditional one.  If for no other reason than co ed can mean twice the people.  Does she want to host a shower that large?  At some point, what the hostess wants does play a role.

mrsbird1129

I would be upset about the Sunday thing.  Especially since she asked what you'd prefer, told you a Sunday date, and then changed it to a Saturday after the fact.  Luckily, she was able to move it back to the Sunday.  Hopefully, it's not to annoying to contact everyone and tell them it is in fact on the Sunday, not the Saturday. 

Try not to be too upset as I'm sure (or hope) it just slipped your moms mind that you wanted some things different.  Try to have fun when the day comes and don't worry about any planning mishaps

hopefulmom

Since she asked you "what sort of shower" you wanted and you said "relaxed co-ed thing" she complied (I believe...although you didn't say if it was co-ed).  As for not having your DH there...it is kind of defeating the purpose of a co-ed shower if the daddy can't be there.  Doesn't she know that your DH works EVERY Saturday?  That is just strange to me.  Most people know 6 weeks out what their plans are for the summer.  I mean...what would be more important that a daughter's baby shower? 

I'd definitely be upset about DH not being there.  Is he able to take off part of that day?  That would help with one problem.  I'm assuming the co-ed part is right.  So...she didn't give 6 weeks notice...which I think is odd she didn't verifty the date with you before making the invites. 

Are you saying it is the 11th of July??  That isn't even enough time for the guests IMO.

spiffy

EastCoastBride:

As she totally went against BOTH of your requests, yes, I'd be upset.  It's one thing if she jsut wasn't able to plan it 6 weeks out.  It's summer, she has a life to lead too- it may have been too much to look that far out.  BUT - she absolutely should have done it on Sunday.

But that makes me wonder - does she really want to throw a coed shower?  Maybe she wanted to do a more traditional one.  If for no other reason than co ed can mean twice the people.  Does she want to host a shower that large?  At some point, what the hostess wants does play a role.

I'm pretty sure it's not that she's dead set on the traditional shower.  We threw one of those last year for SIL, and she farmed out all the girly tasks to me (game planning, decorating and such).  And I'm pretty sure it's not the size, b/c she tends to have big family events like this regularly. In fact she seemed pretty enthusastic about having the whole family out.

wwsurf81

You have a right to be upset.  You gave your wishes and she ignored them.  Plus that is not a lot of time for people to RSVP and also find you a present.