Ok the 2 kids that we are adopting moved in almost 3 weeks ago and things are going great!! During the disclosure meetings their SW and therapist both recommended that there be no contact with their first mom for various reasons. We agree, but also would support them contacting her when they are able to process what they will find. And if she ever wanted pictures, letters, etc. from me I would be ok with that.
Anyway, the situation that has arose is with the foster parents. They were with the same foster parents for 2 years, the whole time in care. We want them to continue to have a relationship. During the disclosure meeting it was agreed that they would call once a week. It has slowly progressed into calling every few days and multiple times during that day. Today they called and said they would be in town and wanted to see the kids Thursday. I was so excited for them that I said yes before realizing that she meant all day and our son has a Dr. appointment that day. In the conversation I told her that we would be going out of town and she jumped in and said that she wanted them to stay with her while we are gone, so Thurs- Sun. I explained that we are going so they can meet my extended family and we would love to have the kids travel with us. Then she says well you can pick them up on your way, which would actually be apprx. 2 hours out of the way picking them up and then 2 more getting back on track.?
I spoke with the therapist and she agrees that they should not have overnight visits just yet, they have only been here 3 weeks. She also feels that their visits should consist of them spending time with our family for at least the first 3 months, rather than "taking them away" for the day. She said before the kids moved she sat down with the foster parents and they created a "plan" for contact and this is not what their plan consisted of.??
DH & I feel that they should be treated as a bio family. They loved our kids and had a choice to keep them. ?My heart truly aches for the pain they are experiencing right now. I really wish I could let the kids spend the weekend with them, but I don't feel it is their best interests at this moment. I spoke with their foster mom and DH also spoke with her and they just don't seem to understand. I guess I'm just wondering if I am overstepping here and you would let them go or if you agree that is isn't the right time.?