I know HATE is a strong word, but...(MIL vent)

Dufflings09

I HATE my Mother in Law! 

DH and I drove 17 hours (one way) to his sister's wedding over the past weekend, stayed for 1.5 days and then drove home.  I was not in the mood for her commentary on the baby so I didn't even mention anything unless someone else asked.  Well at the wedding dinner she proceeds to declare that I don't need to register for a monitor because they are a waste of money and our house is so small that you could hear a baby from anywhere inside.  I held my breath and didn't say a word so she continued by telling everyone that she found the perfect travel system online and she will purchase the one she thinks is best for us.  Oh, and she stated she doesn't shop at BRU so I waisted my time registering there.

 Although I didn't say it I wanted to say "Hello - I am 31 yrs old and your son is 36, we can find our own items and do our own research and if you don't like it - don't buy anything! "

 She got the rest of the women in the family talking about it, since I wouldn't.  They all are over 50 yrs old and all stated I was wasting my money having my grandma buy us a monitor and that my MIL really did know best what type of stroller would work for us.  I DON'T WANT A DAMn TRAVEL SYSTEM and  I DON'T WANT YOUR COMMENTARY ON OUR REGISTRY LIST or DECISION TO USE A MONITOR.  Cell phones aren't a necessity, but the convenience of having them sure makes them popular doesn't it!

 Sorry for the vent - I really really do hate her.

Phillywife

Somehow I think by marriage we must be related. This sounds just like my MIL!

 

 

C12H22O11

I don't want to hijack, but can I commiserate in your post?  I cannot stand my FIL.  He is the most bigoted man I've ever met.  He is incredibly nice in all other aspects of life, but at least once every time we're together (which thankfully, isn't that often) he'll make it a point bring up race in some name or fashion.

Case A: Our Costco sure has a lot of "oriental" people.  Case B: The garbage man at Ikea was white only because they couldn't find a African-American or Hispanic person for the job.  Case C: His hometown is being taken over by Hispanics because Hispanics have more babies than they can afford.  This was all in the space of an afternoon!  Nevermind his drop of the N word which nearly made the top of my skull pop off.

I'm debating how to handle this now that LO is on the way.  Do I take him aside and address it before hand, or do I wait until he spouts off in front of LO and then go completely bat-sh!t crazy.  FWIW, DH and I are on the same page about this, so it's not like I'm fighting the battle alone....

Phew, vent over.  And I totally understand about your MIL vent.  My MIL was all over me all weekend long about car seats, strollers, monitors, etc because this will be her 4th grandkid (obviously, she's an expert).  I just told a white lie and said we hadn't even thought about stuff like that yet.

mistywhite400

I'm sorry she is hateful!  Let her buy the travel system you don't want & then exchange it for the one you do want, & when she asks why tell her that's not the one you & her son wanted for YOUR baby.  

littleredstrawberry

I am sorry you have to deal with this crap!! I don't hate my MIL, but I am one step away from doing so. She thinks she knows everything and that her opinion is the only one that counts.

When staying with the ILs, I am like you - I never ever say anything, but I already warned my hubby that I am like a volcano, who might break out soon.  

Dufflings09

LittleRedStrawberry:

I am sorry you have to deal with this crap!! I don't hate my MIL, but I am one step away from doing so. She thinks she knows everything and that her opinion is the only one that counts.

When staying with the ILs, I am like you - I never ever say anything, but I already warned my hubby that I am like a volcano, who might break out soon.  

 I completey agree with the volcano thought.  I have held my tongue thus far because I have to deal with her the rest of my life, but I am about to go off on one LARGE pregnancy hormonal outburst so for her sake I hope she settles down, but I know she won't.

littleredstrawberry

Dufflings09:

LittleRedStrawberry:

I am sorry you have to deal with this crap!! I don't hate my MIL, but I am one step away from doing so. She thinks she knows everything and that her opinion is the only one that counts.

When staying with the ILs, I am like you - I never ever say anything, but I already warned my hubby that I am like a volcano, who might break out soon.  

 I completey agree with the volcano thought.  I have held my tongue thus far because I have to deal with her the rest of my life, but I am about to go off on one LARGE pregnancy hormonal outburst so for her sake I hope she settles down, but I know she won't.

  Maybe our MILs are long lost sisters, who will NEVER change - not in a million years. I am trying to be as nice as possible and go with the "kill her with kindness" thing, but now that my hormones are on a rollercoaster ride, it's even harder to stick to my mantra.

Dufflings09

C12H22O11:

I don't want to hijack, but can I commiserate in your post?  I cannot stand my FIL.  He is the most bigoted man I've ever met.  He is incredibly nice in all other aspects of life, but at least once every time we're together (which thankfully, isn't that often) he'll make it a point bring up race in some name or fashion.

Case A: Our Costco sure has a lot of "oriental" people.  Case B: The garbage man at Ikea was white only because they couldn't find a African-American or Hispanic person for the job.  Case C: His hometown is being taken over by Hispanics because Hispanics have more babies than they can afford.  This was all in the space of an afternoon!  Nevermind his drop of the N word which nearly made the top of my skull pop off.

I'm debating how to handle this now that LO is on the way.  Do I take him aside and address it before hand, or do I wait until he spouts off in front of LO and then go completely bat-sh!t crazy.  FWIW, DH and I are on the same page about this, so it's not like I'm fighting the battle alone....

Phew, vent over.  And I totally understand about your MIL vent.  My MIL was all over me all weekend long about car seats, strollers, monitors, etc because this will be her 4th grandkid (obviously, she's an expert).  I just told a white lie and said we hadn't even thought about stuff like that yet.

I have actually had the same issue with the dreaded MIL.  I did speak out on this back when we first got together (when I was ballsy).  After one such comment I retorted with "Wow - people still think like that".  Needless to say that with a roll of her eyes she never spoke like that again.

C12H22O11

Dufflings09:

C12H22O11:

I don't want to hijack, but can I commiserate in your post?  I cannot stand my FIL.  He is the most bigoted man I've ever met.  He is incredibly nice in all other aspects of life, but at least once every time we're together (which thankfully, isn't that often) he'll make it a point bring up race in some name or fashion.

Case A: Our Costco sure has a lot of "oriental" people.  Case B: The garbage man at Ikea was white only because they couldn't find a African-American or Hispanic person for the job.  Case C: His hometown is being taken over by Hispanics because Hispanics have more babies than they can afford.  This was all in the space of an afternoon!  Nevermind his drop of the N word which nearly made the top of my skull pop off.

I'm debating how to handle this now that LO is on the way.  Do I take him aside and address it before hand, or do I wait until he spouts off in front of LO and then go completely bat-sh!t crazy.  FWIW, DH and I are on the same page about this, so it's not like I'm fighting the battle alone....

Phew, vent over.  And I totally understand about your MIL vent.  My MIL was all over me all weekend long about car seats, strollers, monitors, etc because this will be her 4th grandkid (obviously, she's an expert).  I just told a white lie and said we hadn't even thought about stuff like that yet.

I have actually had the same issue with the dreaded MIL.  I did speak out on this back when we first got together (when I was ballsy).  After one such comment I retorted with "Wow - people still think like that".  Needless to say that with a roll of her eyes she never spoke like that again.

I think being pg is making me more ballsy...I've always just shaken my head in disgust and gone on.  But now that I'll have a tiny impressionable person to look after, I know I won't be able to just let it roll.  I see an inevitable yelling match about 5 months from now.

amber&patrick

Do you not think you can make any headway with a simple, but firm "thank you for your opinions, but DH and I have done our research and are happy with what we picked out.  [Turning to someone else] So, Aunt Mary, how have you been?"  For most rationale people (not that I can tell if she is . . .) this signals that their opinions are not welcome and it's time to change the topic.  Plus, it gives you some satisfaction.  My problem is usually that it doesn't come out as coolly and calmly as it is in my head.

*By the way, I know I'm not 2nd tri yet, just starting to get bored with 1st tri topics* 

soccermom-to-be

It took me 6 years but I too can officially say that I hate my MIL.  You think it's bad now, wait until your baby is here.  Sorry if that's not encouraging but I think that it will only get worse on some level with her comments on how you parent, feed your baby etc.

The good thing is, that I went from keeping my mouth shut until boiling (aka the Volcano mentioned above) but now, since DD is my #1 priority, I feel comfortable telling MIL to mind her own business or remind her that this is the way that I am doing it as her MOTHER.  If she doesn't like what we do or the choices we make, I remind her that she doesn't have to come for a visit.

Bad MILs suck and torture us, thank goodness we have a place to vent.

urbanbaby09

She sounds like a real peach. Sorry you are forced to be subjected to that. Some people always have to make everything about them. If I were in the same situation my raging hormones would have already gotten the best of me and I would have opened my mouth. Kudos to you for ignoring her. My advice is to let it go for now, but if it continues or gets worse pull her aside and let her know while you appreciate her concern, it is your child to raise and make decisions regarding, and you will be doing just that.