Adoption

Can you request a certain race?

I know all agency's are different but is that something you can do?  Dh and I think we are probably done carryin da babies.  But if we adopt the rest of our family we would really like it to be diverse. (yes we're going all brangelina).

 

Can we say we'd like a child other than caucasion or AA since we have those?  

 

Is that insane? lol.....

 

***Edit*** just to clarify we aren't trying to copy brad and angelina, I just know we've already gotten comments about it with our mini diverse family... just had to clarify!

Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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Re: Can you request a certain race?

  • With our agency, you can specify...they just warned you that this can greatly increase your wait time.  If you know that upfront and aren't in any rush I'm sure you can find an agency to work with!
  • That's what we plan on doing.  We hope that our next child will be hispanic or asian.  But we really hope to do IA next time around so that may help raise less eyebrows!  We want to be a very diverse family as well!
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  • I'm sorry, but yes, that's insane, and if I were a social worker it would definately make me question your motivation behind this.
  • I think it's a wonderful idea.  It reminds me of a book called The Family Nobody Wanted by Helen Doss (written in 1954 -- so there are some fairly archaic things about adoption said in the book, but you have to account for the time it was written).  I read it in junior high and fell in love with it.  I loved how their family was a little mini-melting pot and thought it was wonderfully thoughtful and inspiring.  I don't understand why it's anyone would discourage you from wanting to a diverse family.  I think if you're willing to immerse yourself and your family in that many cultures, it will make for a richer home environment and for better children.

    Here is something I C&P'd from Amazon.  I have a copy of the book and would be happy to lend it to anyone who wants it (although I will confess it's missing half of the front cover -- it has been read many times over the years!).

    Similarly, she would request minority children from orphanages and agencies and they would all think that she was crazy.  :)

     

    Review
    "This unique adventure tells how a young couple changed the course of their life from empty frustration to loving fulfillment. . . [Doss] tells her story with the friendly simplicity of a woman talking over a back fence." --New York Times Book Review

    "Thoroughly joyous . . . It is impossible, in an appraisal of this length, to do justice to the true spirit of brotherly love and tolerance that pervades the book; similarly, to the genuine humor and pathos which are part of the story. The book will find many readers."--Library Journal

    Product Description
    Doss's charming, touching, and at times hilarious chronicle tells how each of the children, representing white, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, Korean, Mexican, and Native American backgrounds, came to her and husband Carl, a Methodist minister. She writes of the way the "unwanted" feeling was erased with devoted love and understanding and how the children united into one happy family. Her account reads like a novel, with scenes of hard times and triumphs described in vivid prose.

    The Family Nobody Wanted, which inspired two films, opened doors for other adoptive families and was a popular favorite among parents, young adults, and children for more than thirty years. Now this edition will introduce the classic to a new generation of readers. An epilogue by Helen Doss that updates the family's progress since 1954 will delight the book's loyal legion of fans around the world.

  • Within our center, you specify which ethnicities you'd like to consider you.  And I do not think the SWs I've met with would think twice about your motives-  having a diverse family. 

     

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • Yes you can request specific races and in foster care, they WILL NOT question you like a pp suggested. We have specified Caucasian and Hispanic the whole time we've been fostering. When we did make the request we followed it up with reasons why we wanted those specific races and there were no questions asked.
  • With our agency you can specify but it is NEVER guaranteed and you would need to think through carefully about this. If you selected a hispanic baby, for example, and the BM states that the father is also hispanic but when the baby is born s/he is bi-racial hispanic/AA - what would you do?

    We selected AA (and all race combinations within so AA/CA, AA/AA/, AA/HS, etc).

    As with most agencies races other than caucasian, such as hispanic and AA - and any combinations thereof, are much more 'available' and placement can be quicker. Our agency for example, as of a few months ago posted that they were in need of families for hispanic babies.

    I don't think it is insane to want to have a diverse family, I think that you should always consider the feelings of the children in that while they may have a diverse family - does anyone in their family look like them from a racial standpoint? This can be more important to a child than the over-all diverse makeup of their family. I also think that if you are unwilling come time of birth to 'accept' a child that did not end up having the presumed racial make-up that you should not seek out a specific race then - because the 'chance' is always there.

    With our first child we were open to any racial makeup within AA background and any gender. For our second child, we will specify AA/AA - because that is Grant's racial make-up. We think that it is important for him to have someone that he can racially identify with in the comfort of his home - especially as he grows older and race becomes more important. And, we want to have a girl, so she will have an older brother who resembles her racial heritage as well.  If that 'girl' ends up being a 'boy' we'll just have to paint over a pink wall lol

    So we will too, select a certain race and gender for round two, but not for the purpose of diversity. I don't think you will have a problem finding this with an agency nor with the SW. I do believe that it is important to think through how the diversity of your family is both a benefit to ALL involved (not just your personal dream of having a diverse family) and how it can be a potential negative (how would you mitigate those cons).

  • we would love to welcome ANY child of any race in our home, but we would have preferences, if that makes sense.  So while we'd have our "ideas" we would be gladly open to any Smile
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • imagenoonecarewhoiam:
    I'm sorry, but yes, that's insane, and if I were a social worker it would definately make me question your motivation behind this.

    to be honest I can't really think of "bad" motives behind building a diverse family?   I'd be curious to hear what you think of....

    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • I think our family will be pretty diverse by the time we're done.  I carried DD, and she is CC, but from EE.  We are doing IA from Korea for our next child.  We have 2 bio embies that are frozen so we're going to attempt with those after we adopt, but we really doubt they will take.  If we decide to try again for a 3rd I would like to do a DA and be open to all races (which I assume will probably mean a AA child). 

    We have considered that it might be easier for our children if they were all from a similar background, but we feel like this is the path for our family and believe that our love will be enough.  Of course we have put a lot more thought into than that sounds, but I won't bore you with my ramblings. 

    I obviously see nothing wrong with building a diverse family.  I think if your motive is pure then your SW will see it. 

  • imagenoonecarewhoiam:
    I'm sorry, but yes, that's insane, and if I were a social worker it would definately make me question your motivation behind this.

    wow. Indifferent

  • imageMayDayGirl:
    we would love to welcome ANY child of any race in our home, but we would have preferences, if that makes sense.  So while we'd have our "ideas" we would be gladly open to any Smile

    I think it is a great idea, and our agency does allow you to select. 

  • imageMayDayGirl:

    imagenoonecarewhoiam:
    I'm sorry, but yes, that's insane, and if I were a social worker it would definately make me question your motivation behind this.

    to be honest I can't really think of "bad" motives behind building a diverse family?   I'd be curious to hear what you think of....

     i'd like to hear that too....I think its great and can't think of any negative motives behind wanting a diverse family at all....interseting.

  • Our agency doesn't really term it "requesting" a particular race - more just being open to those situations.

    We had a detailed conversation with our SW about this again yesterday, just to clarify what we meant exactly by "being open to all races."  Apparently, that means different things to different families.

    I think the simplest route would be to tell your agency you are open to a diverse family and would consider each situation on its merits - with race or ethnicity being a deciding factor for your family.

    2 years TTC with 5 losses, 1 year recovering, 6 months applying for adoption approval, and almost a year waiting for a placement. Then, a miracle BFP at age 36!


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  • Re-read the OP--to paraphrase "we'll already have a CC child and an AA so we want something else." I've also heard you describe your children as "chocolate and vanilla," which IMHO is a little flip and takes a bit too lightly the absolutely real prejudice that African Americans--especially males--face.

    Along with the Brangelina comment (which you edited to amend later), I DID interpret this to mean that you wanted to "place an order (for lack of a better phrase)" for a latino or Asian child, simply to have a "more diverse" family. Which, as Fred stated, is a bit suspect.

    As a social worker, I would definately want to know WHY you want this diversity in your family--what is the inner need you're trying to meet? How do you plan to educate yourself and support the different issues that children of differing races will face?

    Love IS NOT enough to counter identity issues in transracial adoption, and diversity for the sake of diversity isn't a sufficient reason, IMO. You're building a family, not making a political statement.

  • imagenoonecarewhoiam:

    Re-read the OP--to paraphrase "we'll already have a CC child and an AA so we want something else." I've also heard you describe your children as "chocolate and vanilla," which IMHO is a little flip and takes a bit too lightly the absolutely real prejudice that African Americans--especially males--face.

    Along with the Brangelina comment (which you edited to amend later), I DID interpret this to mean that you wanted to "place an order (for lack of a better phrase)" for a latino or Asian child, simply to have a "more diverse" family. Which, as Fred stated, is a bit suspect.

    As a social worker, I would definately want to know WHY you want this diversity in your family--what is the inner need you're trying to meet? How do you plan to educate yourself and support the different issues that children of differing races will face?

    Love IS NOT enough to counter identity issues in transracial adoption, and diversity for the sake of diversity isn't a sufficient reason, IMO. You're building a family, not making a political statement.

    Yes
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  • imagenoonecarewhoiam:

    Re-read the OP--to paraphrase "we'll already have a CC child and an AA so we want something else." I've also heard you describe your children as "chocolate and vanilla," which IMHO is a little flip and takes a bit too lightly the absolutely real prejudice that African Americans--especially males--face.

    Along with the Brangelina comment (which you edited to amend later), I DID interpret this to mean that you wanted to "place an order (for lack of a better phrase)" for a latino or Asian child, simply to have a "more diverse" family. Which, as Fred stated, is a bit suspect.

    As a social worker, I would definately want to know WHY you want this diversity in your family--what is the inner need you're trying to meet? How do you plan to educate yourself and support the different issues that children of differing races will face?

    Love IS NOT enough to counter identity issues in transracial adoption, and diversity for the sake of diversity isn't a sufficient reason, IMO. You're building a family, not making a political statement.

    Hmm..you interpreted her comment that way. She never stated such implicitly. ?I have never read the other comments ?so I can't comment on them.?

    I don't know..maybe she was a little "flip" about the way she stated her ideas but, sometimes I think people take things way, way too seriously.

    Now maybe I am implying, but in my mind OF COURSE she gets that prejudice is a very real thing and it needs to be taken seriously...and honestly do you really think she's going to go into a SW's office an say, 'Hey we'd like to Brangelina out and go for a muliticulti family unit so whaya got in back storage?"

    Child rearing in general is a very serious thing and adoption is also serious..but the process is arduous and time consuming and emotionally draining. Is there NEVER a time where a person can't inject a little humor? ?

  • Actually, she DID say so--she said "We'd like a child other than Caucasian or AA since we have those."

    Humor's not necessarily the issue. However, it's important to remember that children don't understand sarcasm--they only hear the words. And people repeat thing in front of those sensitive little ears. Add to that inadvertantly racially charged comments that Caucasian people somestimes make, and it gets complicated.

    I personally make it a point to never say anything about my sons' adoptions, their ethnicity, or their birthparents that I wouldn't say to them directly. It's good practice. Because I would never want to come across as anything less than respectful of the situation, and it's very easy to interpret sarcasm or flippance as lack of respect.

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