MIL wished out child to be mentally disabled last night... WTF?!?

roxyttandme

My MIL told DH and I last night - in so many words- that she wishes our child would be like her youngest son. He is physically a 28 yr old- but mentally a 5-6 year old and will never advance. The only reason we could possibly think she would suggest such a terrible thing- is that she wants to feel like some one understands what she lives with??? Saying that, DH grew up with him and totally understands. It is a tough life- one "WE" wouldn't wish on anyone.

We were both totally blown away by her behavior and what she was saying. She is just not emotionally stable- yet thinks that we are going to leave our child at her house for overnights... Ha! I don't think so!!!! Why would you ever tell a pregnant person- that you wish her child to be mentally retarded? Are you kidding me? What a nightmare she is!

I talk to DH about this - and he is lost for words or action. We just don't know where to go with her...

Trade you mother-in-laws???? Please???? Sight unseen!

 Gggrrrr and cry at the same time...  

neonvicki81

Very odd...are you sure that she didn't mean his personality? I don't even know what to say!

I love my MIL.. I could duplicate her if you'd like..I'll work on getting some DNA!

goldenleaves

Wow! She seems like a gem.

roxyttandme

neonvicki81:

Very odd...are you sure that she didn't mean his personality? I don't even know what to say!

I love my MIL.. I could duplicate her if you'd like..I'll work on getting some DNA!

Done. Tell us when and where and we will be there!

MrsMegF

OMG i couldn't imagine anyone wishing that on any parents, especially not the grandmother to be....thats BS!!! I'd be livid.  I know your upset and i'm very sorry!!  i think i would cut off contact with her!

AMYfromKY

That's crazy.  The IL's have some close friends who's 23 year old son is autistic and basically acts like an 8 year old.  He is truly a joy, but I don't think his mom would want us to have a baby who is autistic.

When MIL says something I am just blown away by DH just tells me "we will never understand what she was thinking when she said what she said so we might as well just ignore it and go on like it never happened."

That may be some good advice for you in this situation.  There is really no reason to figure out why she said it and no reason to fight over it.  Just ignore her comments.  Your baby is already how he/she is going to be so it doesn't matter what your MIL wishes. 

MissyC979

Wow, that's really strange. Hopefully she just meant his personality or something. Weird.

Phoebe Halliwell

What, exactly, did she say to your DH to make you interpret it the way you did? And is it possible you simply misinterpreted what she said? Or could you possibly be letting your clouded judgment of her allow you to misinterpret what she meant? That seems like a very odd thing for someone to just randomly "wish" on a child.

roxyttandme

Phoebe Halliwell:

What, exactly, did she say to your DH to make you interpret it the way you did? And is it possible you simply misinterpreted what she said? Or could you possibly be letting your clouded judgment of her allow you to misinterpret what she meant? That seems like a very odd thing for someone to just randomly "wish" on a child.

 

About 1 hour after telling DH and I - that we are the best! She is crying and telling us that she has no life because of her son, Garth. She said that she would like to see us with a child like Garth and see how our life would be. She said she wanted us to have a child like him in order for us to experience the type of life that she lives. I gather she wants some understanding and perhaps some sympathy- but, that is not the way to achieve that result!

Not acceptable! It just hurts... I swear she is manic....

Phoebe Halliwell

roxyttandme:

Phoebe Halliwell:

What, exactly, did she say to your DH to make you interpret it the way you did? And is it possible you simply misinterpreted what she said? Or could you possibly be letting your clouded judgment of her allow you to misinterpret what she meant? That seems like a very odd thing for someone to just randomly "wish" on a child.

 

About 1 hour after telling DH and I - that we are the best! She is crying and telling us that she has no life because of her son, Garth. She said that she would like to see us with a child like Garth and see how our life would be. She said she wanted us to have a child like him in order for us to experience the type of life that she lives. I gather she wants some understanding and perhaps some sympathy- but, that is not the way to achieve that result!

Not acceptable! It just hurts... I swear she is manic....

OK, yeah... she sounds like she has some issues.

MadameFancyPants

DH and were just talking about your situation.  A lot of the people on his mother's side of the family are bi-polar.  Most of which abuse their meds but that is another story. 

He's noticed that all the people with BPD have a special bond and the ones with out are bonded in a special way as well.  Almost like they have become their own support groups.  

Maybe your MIL is wanting a similar effect.  She wants to share a bond with you that no one else can.  Plus, on a different level it could give your baby and BIL a special bond as well.  

That being said.  I don't understand why someone would openly wish things like that on another person's child.  You would think she would want the opposite, so that you and your husband don't have to lead the life she has, for better or worse.  It was very mean on her part.  I'm so sorry.

magdusia

i remember you posted about her before. she seems like she's very unstable in general. i would never leave my child with her alone. 

good luck! hope things fall into place.  

Boizmom

What a terrible thing to say.  Whether that's what she meant or not! 

I don't think you'd like my MIL either.  She's selfish and conniving and thinks she's Queen of all.  She treats me like dirt.  Expects us to come to her for the kids to see her.  Everything has to be on her terms and on her time.  Nothing is ever good enough for her.  She talks bad about everyone behind their backs.  And she undermines my authority with my children.  It takes at least a full day after seeing her for me to get my children to listen and behave for me again.  We hardly ever see her due to a lot of these issues.  The kids love her though because she lets them eat whatever, have whatever and watch whatever on TV.  She doesn't follow any kind of rules and thinks I'm a "tight a88" when it comes to my kids.  We got into it when my oldest was 6 months old...she got up in my face, finger in my face pointing at me and yelling at me while my son was in my arms.  I've kept my distance since then.

roxyttandme

magdusia:

i remember you posted about her before. she seems like she's very unstable in general. i would never leave my child with her alone. 

good luck! hope things fall into place.  

 You are right--- the saga just keeps going. Thanks for the kind words...

Cosmos48

roxyttandme:

Phoebe Halliwell:

What, exactly, did she say to your DH to make you interpret it the way you did? And is it possible you simply misinterpreted what she said? Or could you possibly be letting your clouded judgment of her allow you to misinterpret what she meant? That seems like a very odd thing for someone to just randomly "wish" on a child.

 

About 1 hour after telling DH and I - that we are the best! She is crying and telling us that she has no life because of her son, Garth. She said that she would like to see us with a child like Garth and see how our life would be. She said she wanted us to have a child like him in order for us to experience the type of life that she lives. I gather she wants some understanding and perhaps some sympathy- but, that is not the way to achieve that result!

Not acceptable! It just hurts... I swear she is manic....

Yeah, that's just weird.  I wish you the best and of course, a happy and healthy baby!

getnmarried910

That's awful.  I can't believe she'd wish anything but a healthy for you.

You wouldn't want to trade MIL's with me either. I have a pretty bad one too.