My MIL is a total nut! She has four seperate master degrees in developmental disabilities- inspired by her third son. He is now 27 -but mentally will always be a 4-6 yr. old. They grew up EXTREMELY poor- and although she collects rent from 5 properties and has over $300K cash in the bank- she still buys pretty much everything at the Goodwill or Salvation Army. Although I keep telling her I don't want my child in goodwill clothing- she keeps bringing it into my house! I guess the Mom's wishes are not to be considered or respected?!? WTF?!?!?!?!??!!!!!?!!!
In addition, she is emotionally unstable. One day she is all smiles- the next she makes comments how people over 50 should just be "put out" like a rabid dog or something. She complains that there is no reason to live, blah, blah, blah.... drama, drama, drama..,
She thinks that she is going to watch our child on a regular basis. She lives with her mentally disabled son- who has the occasional 5 yr. old temper tampers- but with the physical strength of a full grown man. He has been known to kick his mom when he gets upset- leaving bruises... Over he is a good kid- but, you have to watch him constantly! In addition, he is not aware of sanitation. He will come out of the bathroom and state that he pooped on the floor- but picked it up and put it in the potty. In turn- that means he picked it off the ground with his hands! Yuck!
I am having a tough time with the idea of how to incorporate LO into their lives and how to do in a way that I feel the child is safe and protected.
WWYD? This is DH's family!
Re: MIL is abosultely crazy!!! WTD?
That was my first thought too.
I am not comfortable with it with my child. period. The point isn't the clothes- it that she is not respecting my wishes...
exactly. sorry, i couldnt get past this statement.
I would, however, be cautious with the BIL and just talk to MIL about your concerns.
I understand the clothing thing. I know some people say it's snobby or snotty or whatever, but I'd just rather they have nice clothes. ?I know that's not the way everyone feels, but that's fine.?
I would just take the clothes and not say anything about it. It sucks, but you've told her that you'd rather not have them, but she doesn't get it. ?You don't have to put them in it, but you shouldn't turn it down.
It sucks, b/c I feel like people are wasting their $ when they buy Layla or the new LO stuff that I know I'm not going to put them in.
?I just would try to avoid the conversation of leaving your LO with her. ?You could say that it's nice of her to offer, but that you've decided to _____ (whatever your decision has been).?
You could have your DH talk to her, if need be. ?Good Luck. ?
There is no reason to flame over the clothes thing. It's not that big of a deal. ?Seriously. Calling her a spoiled rich girl is a little over the top, don't you think? ?
I'm in no way shape or foam remotely close to rich, but I don't necessarily want clothes from Goodwill & I won't take anything from the salvation army, but that's an issue that has nothing to do with clothes or kids. ??
I think you need to be a little more grateful that she is at least trying to help. If you don't want it- that is fine, but do you expect her to spend money on stuff that is up to your standards instead? I don't see why you can't graciously accept her gifts.
As for the issues with her watching your LO, you need to frankly discuss this with your DH, and then together the 2 of you should approach it with your MIL. Your child's safety has to be your first priority, and she should understand that.
Just make sure you or your husband are present with your LO when your MIL and her son are around.
I agree with this. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my baby in that situation either.
Her major concern is with her unstable MIL and her disabled BIL.. so the clothing thing should not even matter.
and i dont want hand-me-down clothes either, does it make me a spoiled rich kid? i'd rather leave those clothes for people that need them. Nothing wrong with that.
no I don't.
I was wondering that too. About 2/3 of my kids stuff is hand-me down. I think it is green, we are recycling. Plus I'm not wasting money when I have perfectly good clothes that aren't brand new.
Well then you might as well call me one, too. I don't want Goodwill clothes. ?I wish I were rich though! ?
IMO, hand-me-down is different than buying from Goodwill. ?If the clothes are from someone I know, I'll take them! ?There are two girls in the family older than Layla & I call "dibs" on their clothes all the time! ?I'm not saying everything has to come from TCP & Gymbo or anything, but I also don't think it's fair to name call just b/c I don't want to buy things from Goodwill.?
then please explain to me how the two are different.
Exactly!
are you serious? hand-me-down clothes are clothes from friends and clothes from goodwill are clothes from strangers ----- two VERY different things! you know where the clothes are from when they are from ppl you know..
edit: i dont think there is anything wrong w/ goodwill... i donate my clothes there.. but i think if you can afford clothes on your own, you shouldnt be taking them from good will, instead leave them for ppl that need them.
Exactly. ?One is from friends/family, the other would be strangers. No thanks.
I don't donate clothes there, usually we take them to the shelter that supports domestic violence victims, but still.
If you want to buy at Goodwill, fine. ?I'm not judging you for doing so AngieC. But don't call me (or the ones who agree with me) names b/c we don't want to. ?You can buy the clothes there, I'll get the hand-me-downs from family/friends and/or shop at regular stores. ?It's really not that big of a deal. ?
It might be stupid but I myself feel the same. I can afford new stuff for my baby, and for my kids, so I choose not to have them in someone's hand me downs. I choose to leave those items for someone who needs them. I have never bought 2nd hand for myself either-I grew up wtih a mom who thought it was gross and its just ingrained into my brain now. So I'm with you on this one.
And Regardless, you're right its disrespecting your wishes which you have made very clear to her. That's just not cool.
As for your question, I would just know that the road is going to be hard but that you are going to have to dig in your heels and make sure your child is safe first and foremost. If that means the kid doesnt spend time over there without you-then that's what it means. The situation is regrettable but the disability of her child and her lack of control over his tantrums (which I understand goes with disabilities in some cases-my best friend's son is autistic and has similar tantrums) doesn't justify putting your child in a potentially dangerous situation. I'm with you 100% on this.
First off, there's nothing wrong with Goodwill clothing. It smells funny at first but it's fine once you wash it. I've found some really cute clothes there. $3.50 for an outfit that was originally going for $20+ at Gymboree? Babies grow fast so most of the clothes there are barely used. Just be gracious and accept what she's giving you. Go through it, if there's anything you like, keep it. Stuff you don't want, just give it back ot the Goodwill and get a receipt for a tax break.
She may "think" she is going to watch your child on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean you are going to let her once the child is here. She's basically just throwing it out there that she's willing to watch you baby if your need a break. I think that's nice of her honestly. Again, take her actions in stride. You don't have to leave a baby in a possibly unsafe or unsanitary environment. If she keeps pestering you about watching your baby, just tell her you aren't planning on going out and would rather stay in. Find someone else to watch her if you need to get out.
The first comment made me laugh... but no offense, anything that may smell funny i'm not using for my baby -washed or not.
When i came to America (i was 10) all i wore was clothes purchased by the pound. i hated it but i had no choice b/c we were poor.. I have a good job, i can afford clothes from the store now and would rather leave the good-will clothes for people that are in the situation that i was in 20 years ago.
Ladies the point isn't the clothing, and to each their own. I personally love gargage sale clothing but if she doesn't that is ok.
Now I understand the point of this is not the clothing but everything else. I think it would be really hard for your MIL to take on a baby full time when she has a mentally challenged adult in her home as well. By the way props to her for continuing to take care of him and not put him in a home. I think it won't be to hard to incoporate all of your lives together. Until your child is older I would make sure all visits are supervised by you or you DH. If she asks why you are going to a daycare instead of her just tell her you like the interaction of other children that your child will be getting at a daycare.
Hey keep the clothes or don't, just take it as a gift and realize she's not doing this to torture you.
My MIL showed up with a huge box of Kirkland diapers, something that I would NEVER use on my baby. Instead of acting like a diaper snob and telling her I didn't want them, we thanked her and then returned them and got $30 back. Same for the clothing, just thank her and give them back to the Goodwill, you aren't stuck with them.
Have you guys even BEEN to Goodwill to see what they sell? I bought all my son's clothes there for his first six months and he is going to be the best dressed kid in the neighborhood. Every single thing I bought him was Baby Gap or Gymboree or Disney, and quite a lot of it was brand new with tags still on!
I really am surprised at the people who are being so insistent that their child not wear Goodwill/Salvation Army clothes. Do they suddenly become tainted because they're sold at a discount store? It's exactly the same stuff! I assume you're planning on washing it anyway, so what's the problem?
I just wanted to thank you for answering the question and not going on some lame spin off about my personal feelings about goodwill....
thanks again...
i appreciate the advise.
THANK YOU !!!!!
agreed.
Perhaps you need to write another aplogy post? You are just rotten!!!
BTW - we are not rich... My choices for my child are MINE! and not for you to judge. kiss off!
#1- the post is NOT about the clothes! Most of you totally missed the point! I am was inquiring about what to do about MIL and BIL watching the baby and their behaviors?
#2 - and for the record- I will take hand me downs all day long... i just don't want salvation army and goodwill clothes on my baby. Again, the clothes are not the point. her going against my wishes was...
Thanks for all the input- the good, the bad and the ugly...