Here was my original post on this drama:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/17728342.aspx So hubby cooled off by last weekend and we talked. I stated my case and my reasons for requiring at least 3-4 weeks after giving birth before his PIA drama fest mom flies out to visit... pretty much summarized all that was said in these posts as well.
He was still being naively optimistic (as usual) saying he will keep her in line but I my point is that I want to avoid additional stress the week I give birth because I also have to deal with the IDEA of having to deal with the possibility of drama and conflict during an already stress filled, sleepless hormonal period of adjustment after giving birth for the first time!
So we settled on giving my MIL a date of no earlier than 10/20 since my due date is 9/26 ish with a likelihood of going over for first time births.
THEN he dropped the bomb on me that she wants to be out here for 2 whole F'ing weeks! That pissed me off to no end! Hubby only gets 2 weeks paternity leave and we were planning on using that the first 2 weeks after the birth for bonding. Now we either have to split up the time or I have to deal with his intrusive, disrespectful, emotional unstable mother for 2 weeks by myself while trying to learn to be a mother for the first time!
Her reasoning of wanting to stay long is because she can't afford to fly out often and wants to spend as much time as possible... I can understand that but the insistence with no regard for our needs during that time and after ALL the f'ing drama she has inflicted throughout or marriage... it blows my mind the audacity and selfishness of this woman!
So hubby broke the news to her today of the later date for her visit... she blew a gasket (most likely calling us selfish, insensitive and unloving) and her excuse NOW is that she has a doctor's appointment on 11/1 that she needs to get back for. Ummm... appointments can be rescheduled especially this far in advanced! I am sick of her endless excuses requiring us to bend over backwards for her because what is most convenient for her is always more important!
Hubby left it as... well you are welcome to come on 10/20 or later or not at all, it's up to you. He is pissed, tired and frustrated and down when I called him today... he's away for the week. I feel bad he has to deal with the brunt of her BS but am thankful he is keeping her BS away from me for the most part.
Never in a million years can I ever fathom imposing on my kids and being as selfish, demanding and verbally venomous as she has/does. It boggles my mind to no end!
Re: Update on OOT MIL's visit after DD is born...
Wow....I would be pissed too. Does she plan on staying with you guys? 2 weeks is a LONG time especially when you are just getting used to a new baby. Maybe if she was staying with someone else and just stopped by for a couple hours each day, but all day, every day for two weeks? HELL NO would be my answer!
I am glad your DH is dealing with his mom for you. It is so important to be on the same page and appear united in stuations like this...that way she can't put the blame on you. Good luck!
By the way, who schedules Dr. appts 5 months in advance? Seems a little fishy to me...
That is great that he stood up to her. So many times I see (on here) DHs not wanting to stand up for wife/new family. It is easier to just give in to their mothers.
Hopefully she can calm down and accept the offer and get over it. It is your child and you run the show, not her.
Continue to stand your ground and make your DH do the same. I agree with PP that five months in advance for an appointment is fishy. I would so totally tell DH to tell her to reschedule it. Also put a limit on how long she can spend with you like three days in our house and then you have to stay at a hotel for the rest of your stay. Playing hostess with a newborn for some is not feasible or enjoyable.
Yup 2 weeks staying with us... if were EVER to even hint that she get a hotel instead it would be WW III ...that's not even a plausible option without her taking HUGE offense... she is not a reasonable person!
No matter what... it will suck. Dealing with her has sh!t on many a special occasions. I just have to find the strength to get through it and try to look on the bright side that I wont have to deal with her for another year at least! The more she acts up... the less DH wants to try to keep reaching out and compromise... so she is proving my point for me!
I am sorry, that you have to deal with such a nut!
My MIL already told us, that she wants to visit and stay with us for a few days once the baby is born. But there is NO WAY she is going to stay for 2 weeks.... I don't like her! She is a self centered, whiney, selfish and manipulating woman. And now matter how hard I try to be nice and smiley, she always finds a way to say something mean, when no ones around to hear except me.
Wait....do we have the same MIL?? It sure sounds like it!
I'm SO sorry that you have to deal with this. I know how frustrating it is, believe me! DH's mother (who is also emotionally unstable, disrespectful, etc, etc, etc) has informed us that she's coming to the birth. To. The. Birth. She even had the audacity to say, "well, I might be willing to accept being in the lobby instead of in the room when the baby's born..." HA! I don't want my own mother in the room, let alone my MIL. Ugh, the nerve.
Anyway, I hope everything works out for you and that she doesn't cause you too much stress!