Anyone else ever feel like this?

Brougham7-15-06

Ever since having DS, we obviously can not go as we please and do what we want when we want anymore, that is just how it is.  Well my best friend frequently asks us to go here or go there etc.  We often can't because they are things that are later in the evening when DS should be in bed.  I feel like I am totally ditching her all of the time, but I can't just up and keep my son out "Late" and do things like I did before....he needs to be to bed at a reasonable time or else no one will be enjoying themself.  This past weekend she even sent me a message saying "you always ditch me."  I feel terrible, but things aren't the way they used to be, and I can't just drop him off to a sitter to go bowling or to go out whatever.

I know she means well, but things are totally different in our lives.  She just got engaged and she graduated from college a year ago and still can't find a job, and lives at home so she has all of this free time to just herself....but I do not have that.  I don't hold any of that against her, but it just makes me feel even more crappy when someone points out to me that I always have an "excuse" for why I can't go out.

I just think to myself that when she is married with a child she will understand. Anyone else ever feel like this?

Fordlor

I can imagine how you feel.  For me, I'm one of the last of my friends to have a child so I haven't really dealt with the feelings that I am "ditching" friends.

However, I know for a fact she will understand one day.  And she'll be calling you for support.  I know because when I had my DD I would call my BFF for support because she'd already done it. 

I suggest getting a babysitter or having your DH watch your little one for a night and go have a GNO with your friend.  Enjoy!

 

Gina418

You're not "ditching her" - you're telling her you can't go because you need to take care of your son. Honestly, she sounds a little immature. You have different priorities now. I have friends that I see once every 6 months because we're all busy in our own lives, but no one feels "ditched" - true friends are true friends no matter how often you see/talk to them.

Honestly, not every friendship is meant forever. She may come around after being married/having a baby - she may not. Time will tell.

 

luckymrs.

I know how you feel.  One of my BFs makes me feel guilty, too.  She's single, and I know she'll one day see that life changes in every way when you have your own child(ren).

 

Skipperg82

And if you went out with her all the time, you WOULD be "ditching" your LO...what's worse?

Honestly, a lot of my friendships have suffered since having a baby...somehow a lot of my non-married, childless friends have disappeared and been replaced with couples that have children. ?It's sad but I just think that's the way it goes sometimes. ?Stay in touch and hopefully you guys can reconnect in a different way and she'll understand when she had kids of her own.?

Shell24

and I can't just drop him off to a sitter to go bowling or to go out whatever.

 

Why can't you get a babysitter?  We certainly don't go out every weekend anymore, but I'd say we get out with our friends together at least 3-4 times a month, and that doesn't even inlcude the brunches/lunches, etc. I do with my friends.  Sometimes I bring my DD, but most of the time I leave her home with my DH.