Leaving the (pseudo)family sitter?

hiltyn78

Has anyone successfully 'broken up' with a family member who sat for your DC full time?  This will probably get long-winded but I'll try to keep it short.

My brother's M-I-L watches my DD ft.  She was PERFECT when she was an infant b/c she's the only one the sitter watches.  Occasionally my niece (brother's dd) goes over there too but that's not a regular thing.  Well- now DD is almost 2 and she's still the only one at this sitter.  The sitter clearly adores her but I think she has boundary issues and my DD is not learning much if anything.  THe sitter takes her to breakfast most mornings so she eats crap (biscuits & gravy & sausage most mornings) and nutrition is extremely important to DH & I.   oh, and our sitter lives completely opposite of the direction of our house and work.  ie:

home--------------------- work--------------------------------------------sitter

So the drive SUCKS to get DD in the afternoon but we've sucked it up for the following reasons: 

She's VERY cheap (started at $550 amonth and then we upped it to $600).

She meets us at my DH's work in the a.m. (we used to work at the same place) so we only have to do the crappy drive in the afternoon. 

I've never had to leave work/ call-off for DD being sick.  THe sitter takes her no matter what.

She adores DD & vice versa.  and, there's the whole thing that I'm afraid my brother/ sis-in-law will be ticked at me for leaving the sitter OR the sitter will be ticked at my bro/s-i-l.  I *know* that I shouldn't worry about it but just try to put yourself in  my shoes and imagine that kind of family dynamic. 

But- now that DD is 2, I feel her needs are different. Ironically, my mom owns a Montesorri pre school in town so you'd think she'd be on board with my logic of her needing to be around other kids.  NOPE.  She says (& she has a master's in montesorri ed. so she's not an idiot) that the social interaction component of development isn't that important until a child is 3 y.o.   <sigh> 

I guess I just want to hear if there's some success story of someone "breaking up" with their sitter who was family or family-like.  I seriously think there will be some family drama if we pull her out but i can't keep allowing my fear of that to be what controls my daughter's well-being.  I know she's well-cared for, but I don' tthink she's exactly stimulated. 

Thanks for reading.  There's about a million other pieces to this puzzle that I have not added or this would be even more absurdly long.

 

aulrobbri

I think the socialization will be great plus it will give you a reason to break without anyone's feelings being hurt.

alisonada

With all due respect to your mom, I disagree about age 3 being the point at which socialization becomes important. I noticed a major difference in my two-year old when she switched from a small in-home situation (3 kids total) to a daycare center just before her 2nd birthday. I'm sure it depends on the kid, but she went from being extremely shy and hesitant to much more outgoing and comfortable around other kids. I have no ideas on breaking up with your sitter though :-( I'm sure it's one of those things that will suck at the time, but in a few months everyone will be over it.

AlisaS

I think socialization is very important and my boys haved thrived in daycare. I wouldn't want them alone with a sitter and there are two of them.

 

Mrs.McLovin

It will be hard, but you can do this. Get a spot for your LO in your mom's school for the fall. Let the sitter know that your LO starts preschool in the fall at your mom's school. This will give her some time to get used to it. Also let her know how wonderful she has  been and will miss her so much.

EastCoastBride

When people use the "socialization" excuse at 3 months, I kind of give them the side eye.  But at 2 years?  ABSOLUTELY she can benefit from being around other kids at this age! 

Lotte134

I agree with the others - socialization and learning are important at that age.  We've used a nanny and sitters so far, but the ultimate plan has always been to have DS in a center by age 2 because I think the preschool aspect is really important.  Good luck having the talk!

bstngrl578

EastCoastBride:

When people use the "socialization" excuse at 3 months, I kind of give them the side eye.  But at 2 years?  ABSOLUTELY she can benefit from being around other kids at this age! 

This. I would just sit down and talk to her and explain why you are doing it. I would give her some type of notice and let her know that X day will be her last day. Let her know that appreciate everything that she has done for you guys and that you would still love to have her be a part of your LO's life some way or another. GL!

keri911

Maybe find some local toddler playgroups? Would sitter be willing to take her there a couple times a week, while DD was in her care? Maybe if you initiated something like that now, once your DD is older and ready for full preschool, it wouldn't be such an issue.

And as far as the food issues, I'd be packer her lunches and telling the sitter you want her to fedd DD the food you bring. Blame the doctor if necessary.