What can I do to help my friend?

That.Just.Happened

Hi ladies,

My best friend had her sweet baby boy at 30 weeks last Thursday.  She had an emergency c-section and was discharged from the hospital a few days ago.  I am about 4 hours away but have a flexible schedule and could easily go visit her for several days if need be.  I am wondering what I could do that would be most helpful. They have family in town now, and I think her sister at least will be there for another week or so, but then it is just the two of them. 

I was supposed to be hosting her baby shower for her here this weekend.....obviously that is off.  But I would love to take the shower to her (when she feels up to it) even if it is just me & her in her living room with all the presents/decorations/fun food.  I hate to think she missed out on that.  I am also happy to just go and help her around the house, doing laundry, cleaning, walking the dogs, etc.  Or making up a bunch of frozen meals for them so they don't have to worry about cooking. Or just hanging out with her and being a good listener.

I guess I am wondering what you think might be most helpful.  Obviously everyone is different, but I know you ladies have perspective on this. Any thoughts?

Thanks! 

TriciaJoy

It sounds like you've already got great ideas.

For us, the best things people did were bring us food and a friend kept my dog for a month.

I'd have killed for someone to come clean my house. Every minute I was away from the hospital, I felt horribly guilty so the house feel to shambles.

I love the travelling shower idea... though discuss a schedule with her because she may not want to take the time away from the hospital right now.

The other things that we appreciated were gift certificates to restaurants near the hospital. Cafeteria food gets old QUICK.

Congrats to your friend.. and from a preemie mom- thanks to you for being a great friend!

C.P.C.

I agree that food is a fantastic idea, as well as a shower in the future. She may be to overwhelmed for it now, but maybe right before they baby comes home. I had nothing when DD was born and didn't want to take anytime away from the hospital. It was really helpful when family got me a few preemie outfits, recieving blankets, ect. to have at the hospital.

I also don't know how far she lives from the hospital, but I was about an 1 1/2 away and DH was working. I was going on no sleep and so stressed It would have been nice to have some company going back and forth. I would check w/ her first on wether or not she's up for company.

clyoungsey

That.Just.Happened:

 

  I am also happy to just go and help her around the house, doing laundry, cleaning, walking the dogs, etc.  Or making up a bunch of frozen meals for them so they don't have to worry about cooking. Or just hanging out with her and being a good listener.

Speaking from my experience, I am in the same boat, minus I had my urgent c/s at 33 weeks.  The healing process is tough.  Having someone to do menial tasks or just be there to vent to or cry to (hormones are raging) is wonderful

kamcfarlane

all of those things sounds like great ideas!

and thank you for being a great friend. it's a difficult situation that no one understands until they've been there. it would have been great to have a friend like you to help out, and more importantly, listen and agree with me about how much it sucks! you're a great person.

Aidge

How sweet of you to ask us. For us, just having people listening helped... no advice, just listening. Also, b/c of the traveling we did to the NICU every day, gas cards helped, as did restaurant gift certificates, a journal, Barnes and Noble gift cards, etc... anything to pass the time when in the NICU! Regarding the shower, definitely talk it over with her first, as she may not be quite ready.  GL to her! 30 weeks is definitely early, but DS was 30 weeks and is doing very well!

mek10976

You do have lots of great ideas.  I wished we had more help with the mundane stuff we forgot about b/c we were so consumed with visiting DS in the NICU.  Maybe add to your list writing checks/mailing their bills.  I completely forgot we had to pay for our electricity, mortgage, etc.  Also, if your friend is in the NICU by herself, just having someone with you is helpful and makes the whole experience a little more palatable.

sarahkatherine8

I think everyone else covered it all! My mom came and cleaned our house for us the day before Jackson came home. I wish I had asked for her help sooner because it took such a burden off my shoulders. DH was working a lot so that he could save up his time off for when our LO came home, so I would spend all day in the NICU pretty much alone and then go home at night to clean and take care of other business.

The gift certificates to restaurants are a really good idea too. I would sometimes forget to eat all day, or spend ridiculous amounts of money at the cafeteria.

Offering to keep her company in the NICU is a good idea too. Sometimes I hated being alone, other times it's all I wanted. You sound like an awesome friend, I'm sure anything you offer will be so appreciated. I am sure lots of moms were like me and totally forgot about taking care of themselves at the time, so any of those little things will be a big help!