family drama with names

butlertwins

My worst fear came true, my husband and I decided on our twins names, Paige and Peyton. We weren't going to say anything to anyone, just keep it to ourselves, but my husband thought telling his mom was no big deal. Well neither did I(she's always been a good secret keeper) and much to our suprise, she told my husbands sister. Well, to get to the point, apparently Peyton is the name my husbands sister loves and wants to use for any future girl she may have. We were not aware of this at all(had we known, of course we wouldn't have used it), and now its causing a big stink. my husbands mom has even said" maybe you guys shouldn't use the name". I'm really upset because we have made our decision(or I thought we did anyway), and now its almost like if we go with what we love too, we'll be the bad guys. I think its crazy that his sister stakes claim to a name , especially when she's never even mentioned it before, and especially because she isn't even pregnant. What would you do? Thank you for reading and for any advice

tct1219

if you can find another name you like as much, then use that. if she really cared that much about the name (which really she can't claim) when she found out you were pg she should have said, this is the name i really love and would appreciate it if you wouldn't use it.

mfransdell

Um, is your husbands sister 25 weeks pregnant? No? Then what right does she have "claiming" the name. Obviously you MIL is NOT a good secret keeper, learn that now.

Name YOUR child what YOU want. SIL will deal, you've already chosen the name.

kiki4

mfransdell:

Um, is your husbands sister 25 weeks pregnant? No? Then what right does she have "claiming" the name. Obviously you MIL is NOT a good secret keeper, learn that now.

Name YOUR child what YOU want. SIL will deal, you've already chosen the name.

Agreed!

BeckyS1211

mfransdell:

Um, is your husbands sister 25 weeks pregnant? No? Then what right does she have "claiming" the name. Obviously you MIL is NOT a good secret keeper, learn that now.

Name YOUR child what YOU want. SIL will deal, you've already chosen the name.

ditto!

AllThatGlitters101

Tell your SIL to put on her big girl panties. If she still loves the name, tell her you don't care if Peyton has a cousin named Peyton.

butlertwins

Thank you! I feel the same way, I just know that if we stick to our names, it will cause a big riff in the family, that's what I'm afraid of. Just the simple fact my mother in law said "maybe you should use another name" just verifies to me that she will be annoyed at us too. ugggghh, who wants or needs this aggrivation?!?!

mrs_tacos

tct1219:

if you can find another name you like as much, then use that. if she really cared that much about the name (which really she can't claim) when she found out you were pg she should have said, this is the name i really love and would appreciate it if you wouldn't use it.

This. Plus, she isn't pregnant. You are. So it's not like you're name stealing- if anything, she's the one who is!

EastCoastBride

I have to agree- cousins can have the same name! 

Plus- once she gets PG, her and her DH may not use that name!  He may have other ideas.

I would just say "Well, we didnt' know you liked that name and we've already chosen it.  If you still want to name your girl (if you even have a girl) that name, we aren't going to mind.".

KLSC04

If you like the name, stick with it.  SIL could end up with all boys.  She'll just have to deal with it.

DarcyLongfellow

Oh, that's tough.

One the one hand, avoiding family drama is a pretty big deal.  I'd be tempted to change the name just so that DH's family wasn't mad.

But, on the other hand, your SIL is being ridiculous.  You can't lay claim to a name like that.  Plus, what if you changed the name, then your SIL never has kids?  Or, never has daughters?  Or, she just decides (once she finally does have a girl), that she doesn't like the name any more?

Can  you talk to either MIL or SIL and just explain that you've already decided but that you're okay with her using the name too?  I have cousins with the same name, and it's really no big deal.

kimberleigh30

AllThatGlitters101:

Tell your SIL to put on her big girl panties. If she still loves the name, tell her you don't care if Peyton has a cousin named Peyton.

Was thinking the same thing.

amoureux

So she can look into her crystal ball and see she is going to have a girl?

She may never have children. She may have only boys. She may not like the name in 5 years.  I know there are names I liked 5 years ago I would never use now.

Use the name.  The only time I would say you should step aside would have been if it was her mother's name that she planned to use. But I highly doubt Peyton is a family name on her side.

crimsonrose555

mfransdell:

Um, is your husbands sister 25 weeks pregnant? No? Then what right does she have "claiming" the name. Obviously you MIL is NOT a good secret keeper, learn that now.

Name YOUR child what YOU want. SIL will deal, you've already chosen the name.

 

This....Exactly.

mfransdell

butlertwins:

Thank you! I feel the same way, I just know that if we stick to our names, it will cause a big riff in the family, that's what I'm afraid of. Just the simple fact my mother in law said "maybe you should use another name" just verifies to me that she will be annoyed at us too. ugggghh, who wants or needs this aggrivation?!?!

Why? Why will it cause a big riff in the family? Is you SIL the queen? Why does she get to chose who names their child what?  Let her be annoyed, let your MIL be annoyed. You child (and you) are no less important. Don't even be nice, tell them to get over it.

PearlPink

I agree that if you have another name you really love, then use that, but otherwise, first come first serve. She didn't claim it to you guys. So sorry about her luck...that is honestly how I feel! I LOVED the name Paige, but BIL and SIL used it as their daughter's middle name, so I wont' be using it for any of my kids... I dont hate her for it.

I agree with PP I would have not told MIL any names, and remember that in the future.

thatgirlang

amoureux:

So she can look into her crystal ball and see she is going to have a girl?

She may never have children. She may have only boys. She may not like the name in 5 years.  I know there are names I liked 5 years ago I would never use now.

Exactly this!! Do not give up the name that you've chosen, agreed on and love! Seriously.

shanmoyer

Is she even in a position to be thinking about baby names? Like, is it on the horizon for her? I had a similar issue wit a good friend, once my hubby and I finally agreed on a girls name that we both love love love. I called her up to tell her that we has finally settled on a girls name and she immediately interjected with "Oh my gosh, I just love the name ____ right now!" she even had chosen the same middle name.

Use it! By now, you've already gotten to know little Peyton, and love her dearly! No-one can change that for you!

KappaUCF20

Don't give in to them!  If you decide not to use the name, then you're just letting them win... haha.  If it were me, I would be even more determined to use it just to get back at MIL for blabbing.  Teach them a lesson lol. 

bearfootz

If that's really the name that you want, I would stick with it. His sister will get over it.  Besides, there's no guarantee that she will ever have a daughter and you don't want to see a cute name go to waste.

The only time I can see claiming a name is if someone plans to honor a family member.  Like if a friend claims her grandma's name for a future daughter or something like that.  I'm guessing that's not the case in this situation though, especially since it's a family member that wants the same name.

lisa5201

AllThatGlitters101:

Tell your SIL to put on her big girl panties. If she still loves the name, tell her you don't care if Peyton has a cousin named Peyton.

Well said! I think it's really bratty of her to be causing a stink over it in the first place. Too bad, so sad?

DMDavidson

amoureux:

So she can look into her crystal ball and see she is going to have a girl?

She may never have children. She may have only boys. She may not like the name in 5 years.  I know there are names I liked 5 years ago I would never use now.

Use the name.  The only time I would say you should step aside would have been if it was her mother's name that she planned to use. But I highly doubt Peyton is a family name on her side.

Exactly this. Time can change a lot of things and there's no way she can know if she would even have the chance to use the name. You've already decided and the family will just have to get over it.

karelaorange

I guess to me it would matter if the SIL is in general a brat, or in general someone I like.  I can see falling in love with a name and planning to name your future child that.  And being totally bummed when your SIL gets pregnant before you and names her kid that.  No, you can't lay claim to a name, but I would feel bummed if I was in your SIL's shoes. If she is generally not the kind of person to make a fuss, then I would consider not using the name.

However, if she is just a generally bratty person then I would probably attribute this behaviour to her being a brat and/or being jealous of you, and not a true love of the name.

I say this, of course, not having fallen in love with any name.  If you have fallen in love with the name, then you have free claim to it.  But if there are other names you also really like, I would consider going with one of those.  Neither decision is bad, go with what will make you feel best in the long run.

sunnyday016

AllThatGlitters101:

Tell your SIL to put on her big girl panties. If she still loves the name, tell her you don't care if Peyton has a cousin named Peyton.

Exactly. Tell her you already decided and two Peytons in the family is completely acceptable. What if you don't use the name, and then she has a girl and has moved on to a different name she likes? Then you would have passed up using the name you love for no good reason! 

Megsd721

EastCoastBride:

I have to agree- cousins can have the same name!?

Plus- once she gets PG, her and her DH may not use that name!? He may have other ideas.

I would just say "Well, we didnt' know you liked that name and we've already chosen it.? If you still want to name your girl (if you even have a girl) that name, we aren't going to mind.".

Exactly! How could you know if she never told you?

And you cannot claim a name, she is not even pregnant! Crazy family drama.?

Hand-In-Hand

I have 2 cousins named Daniel and it has never been a big deal.  I would use the name if you love it!

babydragonsister

omg, I'm so sorry....what a tough one...I could see myself on both sides of this one.  I have a name (my grandmother's name that I've wanted to use since I was 10) that I would freak if my sil used....On the other hand, she is not having babies at the moment, and you are.... 

I like the solution that most people have said about both of you using it...but do you and your sil live in the same town?  See each other a lot?  If so, it might be hard for her to accept that solution.  Everyone would see her as the copycat.  Oooh, another important thing to consider: how is she causing the stink?  Is she pouting and talking behind your back or did she come to you and maturely explain the situation to you?  I say if she's being bratty about it, who cares.  Or is the rest of the family creating the drama?  

Good luck to you...let us know how it turns out...   

CourtneyRDH

I'd change the name, but I'm also a pushover!?

courtneyandandrew

mfransdell:

Um, is your husbands sister 25 weeks pregnant? No? Then what right does she have "claiming" the name. Obviously you MIL is NOT a good secret keeper, learn that now.

Name YOUR child what YOU want. SIL will deal, you've already chosen the name.

 I completely agree!!!

cherrykat

I also have two first cousins named Victoria.. they are 1 year apart. 

ruthie oct3

KLSC04:

If you like the name, stick with it.? SIL could end up with all boys.? She'll just have to deal with it.

I agree. Its not like it was a known name that they liked.?

We are dealing with family drama as well - DHs family doesn't like our choices - I say tough sh*t - its not their kid its mine - DH thankfully feels the same way.

MIL sends me names all the time. I think I finally nipped it in the bud and she hasn't mentioned names in a week. ?