Babies: 9 - 12 Months

I think I need to go to the doc RE: Anxiety

Let me start by saying that I LOVE being a mom more than anything but I will admit that I make it soooooo much harder than it needs to be. I have always been a worrier and I am so dissapointed in myself b/c I promised my self when I was pregnant that I would NOT be that mother. You know the one that worries over everything and analyzes everything. Well I think that I have become that and I hate it more than anything.

I am constantly comparing DS and worrying if he is not doing something that I think he should be. I am still very concerned by the fact that he is 8 months old and has not yet starting babbling mamamama or dadada. He has said a single maaaaa or baaaaa here and there but it is not that consistent so I still worry that there could be something wrong. He is soooo close to crawling right now and has pulled up a few times but then I here about babies that have been crawling since 6 months and pulling up since 7 and then I wonder if what I was excited about that he was doing he really should have been doing a month ago. It makes me so sad for DS b/c I am not dissapointed in him at all. It is myself that I am dissapointed in. Everyone says Oh maybe he will be a late talker b/c he is working on the physical stuff. He is working on the physical things and I am very proud of him but it is not like he is way early on anything. He has pretty much been average on everything until the babbling thing. He is still very vocal just not in the way I *think* he should be.

God, I feel like such a horrible mother. I love DS more than anything but my problem is that how do I know when it is just me freaking out over nothing or when there really could be a problem? In my heart I really think he is fine. He is SUCH a happy baby. He smiles ALL the time. People have commented to me on how happy he is. DS deserves soooo much better and like I said I am NOT dissapointed in him I know that it is my problem and I want to do my best for him.

Then I just sometimes worry that if I am just laid back and don't worry then I will miss something and something bad will happen.

I don't know what I am looking for here. I guess I just needed to get it out. Sorry for being so long winded.

Re: I think I need to go to the doc RE: Anxiety

  • Oh honey he is fine. All babies develope differently & at their own pace. Try not to compaire him to other kids. He will never be LIKE other kids EVER. Thats what makes him special.

    Talk with your ped first. Let them tell you what is normal & when to worry. If it helps see a therapist to work through your worries.

    You are not a bad mom for worrying or worrying about worrying. lol Thats what makes you a good mom. (((((Hugs)))))

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  • Hugs to you--I am sorry you feel anxious about this. ?Yes, I would recommend talking to someone about it. ?Even a family therapist (not a pych) would help you rationalize your thoughts. ?I have done this and it has helped tremendously.

    And way to go for realizing that you don't feel "right" about this situation. ?1/2 of the battle is recognizing that you might need some help to discover your thoughts.

    I think that 95% of us need a therapist or some third party to talk to. ?Just by thinking that you need it is a great step--it doesn't mean you are bad or a failure---in fact you're courageous!

    Good luck to you!!?

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  • You are NOT a horrible mother and you have no reason to feel disappointed in yourself.  Anxiety like this may be a form of postpartum depression and it's not something you can control.  I can tell you love your son so much and want him to be healthy.

    I think seeing your doctor is a good idea.  I want you to be able to enjoy your time with your son without worrying.  Anxiety is awful to live with but there are a lot of options out there to help you.

    GL and big hugs.

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  • I agree, I think you would really benefit from having someone to talk to. From what you've said here (and your previous posts), your son sounds perfectly normal!

    Try not to be too hard on yourself. This does not make you a bad mommy in any way! I think that admitting you may have some issues and taking steps to fix them shows that you are a great mom and that you really care about your family.

    Good luck!

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  • I definitely think you should speak to someone about these feelings. We all worry about our children and want to make sure they are "on track" but you seem to be concerned about things to a unhealthy degree. Even this morning's post about arm flapping - did you ask because you were worrying about autism again? (I think this can be a trait.)

    I'm truly sorry you are dealing with this but I think it's time for you to get some help. You are making yourself miserable about things that are not worrisome and missing out on this time just enjoying DC.

  • I don't mean any offense by this at all, but based on your posts, you do seem overly anxious. I don't know you IRL, so that perception is only based on what you discuss here.

    You are not a horrible mother for worrying about your DS, but you have to know when to worry and when to understand that kids develop at their own pace. We could all drive ourselves nuts worrying about when our LOs are doing things. I had a week-by-week book of how babies develop, and I had to quit reading it. It was making me crazy thinking "I wonder why DS isn't doing that." I feel so much better just letting him do his own thing. He started crawling three weeks ago, but my neighbor's DD, who is 9 months, just started army crawling. Kids are so different, and you will drive yourself nuts comparing them.

    We're all going to be anxious time to time, but it honestly sounds like you feel it is taking over. I think you would be well-served by discussing it with your doctor. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don't let this outweigh the joy you can have with your DS. They're only this little for a short time.

    Sorry for the novel. Like I said, I've sensed your anxiety from your posts, and I just felt the need to respond. GL

  • imageRufflesRambo:

    I definitely think you should speak to someone about these feelings. We all worry about our children and want to make sure they are "on track" but you seem to be concerned about things to a unhealthy degree. Even this morning's post about arm flapping - did you ask because you were worrying about autism again? (I think this can be a trait.)

    I'm truly sorry you are dealing with this but I think it's time for you to get some help. You are making yourself miserable about things that are not worrisome and missing out on this time just enjoying DC.

    I hope my post didn't come off bitchy either - it was not my intent.

    I agree with Iris re: PPD - PPD can also manifest as a sort of OCD which it sounds like could also be a problem for you. GL!

  • *Bre**Bre* member
    the talking thing you should really relax about EVERY baby learns to talk (barring obvious disabilities). There's no such thing as an adult that babbles. You have a good long while before your child even reaches the average age for first words. Your baby is fine and you are a good mother.
  • I think it's great that you're thinking about getting some help.  No one should have to deal with the constant stress and worry that you seem to put yourself through.  I'm more of a lurker on these boards and even I notice your many posts sharing your concern for your DS's development, your pregnancy, etc..  Congratulations on taking this HUGE step and I hope everything works out for you! 
  • i think seeing your doc about your feelings is a good idea.  i have seen your posts on here about your anxieties, and i will admit, i think they are out of line.  your DS sounds like he is perfectly normal. 

    and your comment about your DS "deserving so much better", that makes me sad for you.  you say yourself that he is a VERY happy baby, and smiles all the time!  you know what?  YOU are his mother, YOU are who is making him smile.  don't forget that.

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  • Thank you all for your reassuring words. Believe it or not it really does help and I am going to do my best to make this better. I love Ds so much and I want to do my best for him and I am determined to enjoy this time I have with him while he is still a baby.
  • I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I am an anxious person too, and I worry a lot about DS's milestones, temperment, you name it.  This is part of who I am, even before DS.  I try to keep it in check by reminding myself that he is an individual and will develop on his own schedule.  Being a worrier does not make you a bad mom!  Even with therapy/meds, you may always be a worrier.  However, if you feel like your anxiety is out of control or interfering with your ability to be the parent you want to be (which it sounds like you think it is), then you are right in seeking assistance with meds and/or talk therapy.  Good for you for recognizing that you may need help and good luck in getting it! 
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