Babies: 9 - 12 Months

patty & other unhappy c/s moms

I cannot relate to your dilemma, unfortunately, but I feel badly you struggle with this. 

Can you guys explain to me (like I'm 5) how / why you're so attached to a particular birth experience?  What is it you want?  (besides avoiding surgery, which is of course quite understandable).

I think part of my inability to understand is that I was a scheduled section, and it was a given from 9 weeks on with my complications that I would have a c/s-- I had a lot of time to prepare for it and never had to think about birth plans or experiences.  Plus, after a really bad pregnancy, a nice, controlled atmosphere was a blessed relief for me. 

 

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Re: patty & other unhappy c/s moms

  • Personally, I tried for 40 hours.  Complication after complication finally ended in them wheeling me to operating room.  I seriously cried because I felt like I had failed, like I was unable to bring my daughter into this world.  I can't explain that sense of failure. 
  • I can't answer for others but for me, I feel like my body failed.  My body was designed to give birth and I wasn't able to do that.  I had no medical emergency or terrible reason why, it was simply b/c she was so darn big.  I wanted to experience labor, I wanted to experience pushing and having a baby 'normally.'

    At the end of the day though, whenever I feel down about it, I remind myself that she and I are healthy and we never know what could have happened had I tried to have her myself

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  • i am not very good with words but i will try to explain...

    like i posted in the other post, i labored for 16 hours, pushed for 1.5 hours ahd an episiotomy, failed foreceps attempt and had a c-sec under general anesthesia.

    i feel like i had failed at doing something i was "meant to do".  i woke up from my c-sec and was handed this baby...he was sleeping, cleaned and fed.  it could have been any baby that they handed me.  i didn't feel attached, i was disoriented from the anesthesia and actually don't remember much of my entire hospital stay.  dh wasn't allowed to be in the room when my surgery took place because it was an emergency.  we have no pictures or memories from when he 1st arrived.

    i know that some people have it WAY worse than i did.  afterall, we both survived and are happy and healthy.  however, i feel like i missed out on an experience i was destined to have.

    when i hear about other woman having birth experiences that i could have only hoped for i get jealous.  not because i would ever want anyone to experience what i did, but because i so badly want "that" experience and "that" feeling.

    i wish i didn't feel this way, but i do.

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  • I posted below, but I'll put this up here...

    I wanted nothing but a completely natural birth. No induction, no meds, no c/s. None of that. It wasn't going to happen any other way than that.

    I ended up with all of it due to a bunch of different circumstances.

    I felt for one sliver of a second that I had failed, but then I realized that I was getting a safe, healthy baby out of it and then I got over the idea that I had failed. I still carried him for 9 months and gave him life and it didn't matter to me if he came out of a 7" incision or my vag.

    So, I too have a difficult time understanding why people have such a hard time getting over it.?

    I like privacy. A lot.
  • I think it is like anything else with parenting. You feel like it is supposed to be so natural, then it has to feel like a disappointment when your body "lets you down".
  • Imagine you want to go on a special vacation REALLY badly- lets say a tour of Italy. You plan the trip for months, get brochures about it, read about all the things you're going to see, do, eat and experience. You cant wait to go on this trip because it's something you've been really excited about.

    You get on the plane, have all your stuff for Italy and when the plane takes off, you realize you got on the wrong plane. You're not going to Italy, you're going to Bulgaria. This isnt what you wanted! It wasnt what you planned! The plane is already in the air and you cant turn around.

    You get to Bulgaria and look around. It's nothing like what you wanted in Italy. You dont have the right clothes, you dont know where to stay, the language, or even what kind of food they have there.

    You end up having a decent time in Bulgaria, because you were stuck there, so you made the best of it. But you REALLY wish you'd been able to take the trip you planned...to Italy.

  • Like I said, I totally did not think I was going to care about this. I kind of thought people who were super "into" birth were a little extreme, lol.

    At about 36 weeks I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome and told I needed to go straight to the hospital to have the baby. I wasn't ready and I became totally hysterical. I kept saying I never wanted a c/s and I felt like no one was listening to me. Actually I felt like they thought I was being ridiculous.

    The rest of the night is just a blur. They wheeled me over and hooked me up to some medications to prevent seizures. A nurse came in and said something to the effect of "this isn't an emergency, is a c-section what you want?" I was so confused, the doctor was telling me it was an emergency. A few minutes later my doctor came in and said we were ready for the c-section, then he asked if I wanted to try an induction. I honestly was so mixed up, drugged up at this point, I just said no. I really regret that now.

    They did the c/s, showed me half my son's face over the curtain, and then took him away. I felt soooo out of it the whole time, it was just surreal. I didn't feel connected to him at all, and I didn't get that rush of emotions that everyone says you get when you hear your baby cry. After they wheeled me back to my room my husband came in and said the baby needed to go to the NICU. I got to hold him for a minute, then I didn't get to see him for 24hrs. 

    The whole experience made me feel totally confused and powerless. I had no clue what was going on, everything happened so fast. I came out of it not sure if I really needed the c/s or not, and now I'm worried that it might affect my future pregnancies. I also feel like I might have really missed out on something. I'm jealous that my friends and sisters-in-law might get that experience and I might not.

    I know it all sounds kind of...petty? I don't know how to explain it. As I mentioned in the earlier post I think a lot of it got all mixed up with my fear and anxiety about my son's health issues at birth too. I thought that my son's birth was going to be the best day of my life and it wasn't. It's hard to get over I guess.

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  • I agree with the others that I really just feel like my body and I had failed.  I had a detailed natural birth plan (although, it really was realistic and not extremely rigid) and I wanted to follow it.

    I had a very healthy pregnancy, and I just assumed that I would be able to have my vaginal birth.   I wanted that feeling of pushing DS out of me and having him put on my belly right away and being able to bf right then.  I wanted to walk around (I didnt' get to because DS was having distress and they needed to constantly monitor, I wasn't allowed to move at all) and sit on the birthing ball and do all the things I had practiced.  That's the way you see it and that's the way that I've always told myself it would happen. 

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  • imagejculp:
    Personally, I tried for 40 hours.  Complication after complication finally ended in them wheeling me to operating room.  I seriously cried because I felt like I had failed, like I was unable to bring my daughter into this world.  I can't explain that sense of failure. 

     

    THIS! I also felt like such crap afterward because I could not have the morphine block added in the spinal because I am allergic, they did not get my PCP hooked up in time so the spinal worn off before the pain med were set up...FUN TIMES, I could not do anything for her, it was all DH. I felt like it took so much more time to bond w/ her. 

  • I had been very opposed to being induced before my due date, even though I had made a good amount of progress so far, DD was still high. 

    I went into my OB's office for decreased movement a few days before my due date, wound up getting sent to L&D and, hours later thanks to short staffing, sent for an fluid check ultrasound.  Some total dipshit radiologist read my U/S like crap and decided my fluid level was in the 5th percentile.  Inerestingly enough, the tech didn't even think it was low during the scan.  I wound up getting induced because of it. 

    During my induction, they broke my water to try to help my progress, which was slow.  My water was EVERYWHERE.  The doc at the time said my fluid was anything but low.  Motherfucking lovely.  I was misdiagnosed and didn't need to be induced at all.  15 1/2 hours after they started the pit, DD was decelling with contractions and taking longer to recover.  That, paired with slow progress during this totally unnecessary induction, had me in the OR an hour later.

    I have no doubt that if I had gone into labor spontaneously that I would have had a vaginal delivery.  DD never moved farther down than -1 station and my progress was slow because she wasn't ready yet.  I am also certain that the way my induction was handled (my own doctors weren't on at the time and in the chaos I did not remember something they said about how they would have induced me) didn't help the situation. 

    Thankfully, because of how far I had progressed beforehand, and that I stalled during an induction and not spontaneous labor, my doctor thinks I'm a very good VBAC candidate and I'll be going for one when we're expecting #2.

    So yeah, I'm pissed because it NEVER should have gone down the way it did.

     

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  • imagebyrne15:

    i feel like i had failed at doing something i was "meant to do". 

    This too.  You feel like, as a woman, you should be able to do this.  People are always saying how strong women are because they can go through childbirth... yeah, I can't say that, even though I know I did have to be strong to do what I did.  I know that I went through more pain feeling my c-section happen than most women do during vaginal childbirth, but it's not the standard, so it feels like it doesn't count.  It really does make me feel like less of a woman.

     

    And Emilie, I couldn't have put it better myself.

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  • like all the other pps.....i just feel like my body failed me. ?birth is supposed to be what my body is built for and i just couldn't get it done. ?he wasn't super big. ?i labored for 36hrs, including 3hrs of pushing and it just didn't work out. ?but then he ended up in the NICU with blood sugar problems b/c of my problems with BFing. ?so i felt like i had doubly failed him.
  • I think having time before the birth to accept or know the outcome helps, if DD would have been breech I would have not had a choice and she would have been born via c/s.  Going in for an induction expecting things to just go smoothly and to have a vaginal birth was what I thought all along, I guess I just did not emotionally prepare myself for my body failing her.  I was too damn impatient at the end and let me OB talk me into the induction, she did not have to do much talking, and wish I would have just let my body go into labor naturally.  I just wonder what it feels like to have that pressure, be in the stirrups, push out a baby and feel it, hold her on my chest right away, not be so drugged up from the meds and strapped to a table while they put my guts back in and sew me up, then shake for 2 hours in the recovery room followed by throwing up for another hour. 

     Sorry for the poor grammar in this post! 

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  • imagepreg_amy:
    imagebyrne15:

    i feel like i had failed at doing something i was "meant to do". 

    This too.  You feel like, as a woman, you should be able to do this.  People are always saying how strong women are because they can go through childbirth... yeah, I can't say that, even though I know I did have to be strong to do what I did.  I know that I went through more pain feeling my c-section happen than most women do during vaginal childbirth, but it's not the standard, so it feels like it doesn't count.  It really does make me feel like less of a woman.

    I agree with all of this especially the last part.  I know technically I birthed my baby...but 2 doctors did all the pushing and all the work so it feels like they birthed her.  All I did was lay on the OR table.

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  • imagesouthernbelle82:

    I can't answer for others but for me, I feel like my body failed.  My body was designed to give birth and I wasn't able to do that.  I had no medical emergency or terrible reason why, it was simply b/c she was so darn big.  I wanted to experience labor, I wanted to experience pushing and having a baby 'normally.'

    At the end of the day though, whenever I feel down about it, I remind myself that she and I are healthy and we never know what could have happened had I tried to have her myself

    this, except it wasn't that ds was too big, it was that he was sideways.

    no one that i know irl has had a c-section.  not friends or family (and i have quite a few friends and big family).  i feel like i failed at something that everyone else could do. 

    i had no choice.  if i didn't have a c-section, ds and i may not have made it.  i am so grateful that both he and i are okay.  

  • I wanted to have do natural childbirth with no induction, drugs, anything.  I ended up being induced because of PIH, epideral because the contractions were so bad, not dilating enough (maybe because K was too big for my pelvis), and c-section because K's heartrate was decelerating and we found out after they pulled her out that her cord was wrapped around her chest.  Honestly, I don't feel like my body failed me because I feel it just wasn't ready.  If I had gone into labor by myself, maybe I would feel that way if it has ended in c-section without the cord issue, but I was just so relieved that we were both safe, happy, and healthy that I didn't care how she was delivered.
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  • imageemiliemadison:

    Imagine you want to go on a special vacation REALLY badly- lets say a tour of Italy. You plan the trip for months, get brochures about it, read about all the things you're going to see, do, eat and experience. You cant wait to go on this trip because it's something you've been really excited about.

    You get on the plane, have all your stuff for Italy and when the plane takes off, you realize you got on the wrong plane. You're not going to Italy, you're going to Bulgaria. This isnt what you wanted! It wasnt what you planned! The plane is already in the air and you cant turn around.

    You get to Bulgaria and look around. It's nothing like what you wanted in Italy. You dont have the right clothes, you dont know where to stay, the language, or even what kind of food they have there.

    You end up having a decent time in Bulgaria, because you were stuck there, so you made the best of it. But you REALLY wish you'd been able to take the trip you planned...to Italy.

    Is this copied from the section on 'special needs babies' in The Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the first Two Years (or whatever it's called). I think they used Italy and Holland...

    I think it's wrong to ask a woman to defend her preference for a more 'normal' or 'natural' (or sh!t even 'non-surgical') childbirth. If you have no preference, good for you, but I don't see why it's so suprising that someone would want the same experience that nearly every mother in history has had. My mother, my grandmother, her mother, etc. I do feel cheated out of something intangible, that I'm not part of something I wanted to be. There are many other important aspects of having a baby and being a mother, but the birth is not unimportant. At least not to me.

  • I swore up and down that I did NOT want a vag birth and that I was going to do everything I could to have a CS. Then at 6 weeks PG we found out it was triplets and I knew I had gotten my wish. Only now am I getting little feelings that maybe I shouldn't have been so against a Vag birth. I am scared of a VBAC I don't know if having triplets would put me at higher risk for VBAC complications, so now I am not sure if I will ever get the chance for a Vag delivery.
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  • imagejculp:
    Personally, I tried for 40 hours.  Complication after complication finally ended in them wheeling me to operating room.  I seriously cried because I felt like I had failed, like I was unable to bring my daughter into this world.  I can't explain that sense of failure. 

    This I bawled and kept saying over and over to dh "I'm sorry, I really tried"  My next one will be a scheduled c/s mainly because I can not go through that experience again.  I am hoping that knowing I'll be having a c/s from the beginning will help and I know it will not being an emergency situation where I felt completely out of control and this will also help tremendously.

    I will also add that many on here inadvertently make worse.  All the talk that most c/s are unnecessary that there really aren't that many babies that are "too big" to fit or women whose hips are "too small" really make me feel like crap.  DS wasn't all that big (8lbs 7oz), but I'm small and I tried my damnedest to get him out.  Those comments make me feel worse about my c/s.

    One last thing - I'm perfectly fine with my c/s now, but it took me a very long time to come to terms with it.  I am very happy with the result.  That child in my siggy was worth every moment of my scary birth experience.

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  • Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

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  • My c/s wasn't a huge deal to me. In the long run, I realize that I am very, very lucky because my birth gave me Robbie... and nobody who had a vaginal birth got him :) No matter how he came to me, he's mine and I'm just thankful that he's here and he's who he is. (If that makes sense). I did get to experience labor and that was a great experience. If anything my c/s was a blessing. I would have only been able to take 6 weeks of maternity leave with a vaginal birth and at 6 weeks pp there is no way I was mentally ready to leave Robbie. I got an extra 2 weeks because of the c/s.

     I am going to try a VBAC, but mostly because I think it would be easier on my body, especially since I will still have a 15-16 month old to take care of after birth. I also want more kids and I know the risks go up with each c/s.

  • While I was pregnant, I was never one of those people that was hung up on the actual birth; I always just thought "whatever happens, happens". But then I ended up with a c/s and I felt a huge disappoinment that my body failed to do what it was built for. I am not a petite girl and I thought my hips were made for birthing. I was so wrong.

    And to top it all off, my sister who is teeny tiny has given birth to 2 kids naturally. I look at her and I can't help but wonder "if only" I had pushed  longer or didn't get the epi or etc etc etc.

    I'm no longer as bitter about it as I was and I have accepted the fact that I will have a repeat c/s; but it also doesn't mean I have to be all puppies&rainbows about the outcome.

     

     

    Momma to three boys: Henry - 4yo Alex - 18mo Jack - born 2/23/12 at 20w due to ruptured uterus (previa and accreta resulting in hysterectomy) He only lived here on Earth for an hour, but he will live in our hearts forever. m/c #1: sept '09, m/c #2: july '10
  • Please noone take this the wrong way but in the big scheme of things this isn't that important.  My sister was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome at 28 weeks and the baby didn't make it thru the delivery process.  There is WAY worse things that can happen than a C-Section, just thank your lucky stars for a healthy baby.
  • imagebrowniec:
    Please noone take this the wrong way but in the big scheme of things this isn't that important.  My sister was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome at 28 weeks and the baby didn't make it thru the delivery process.  There is WAY worse things that can happen than a C-Section, just thank your lucky stars for a healthy baby.

    I do take this the wrong way. Just because someone had something worse happen to them doesn't make my feelings less valid. Of course I'm happy I have a live baby. That has nothing to do with my feelings about having a c-section. Unexpected, major surgery, that can have a serious effect on my future fertility and future pregnancies - and you (along with several other misguided, uncompassionate people) are telling me I should just "thank my lucky stars?" Seriously? Stop it.

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  • imagebrowniec:
    Please noone take this the wrong way but in the big scheme of things this isn't that important.  My sister was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome at 28 weeks and the baby didn't make it thru the delivery process.  There is WAY worse things that can happen than a C-Section, just thank your lucky stars for a healthy baby.

    I don't think anyone here is saying there can't be worse things that can happen than a c/s.  That does not, however, invalidate our feelings that our birth experiences weren't that great.  There is ALWAYS something worse that can happen.

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  • imageRach03k:

    imagebrowniec:
    Please noone take this the wrong way but in the big scheme of things this isn't that important.  My sister was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome at 28 weeks and the baby didn't make it thru the delivery process.  There is WAY worse things that can happen than a C-Section, just thank your lucky stars for a healthy baby.

    I do take this the wrong way. Just because someone had something worse happen to them doesn't make my feelings less valid. Of course I'm happy I have a live baby. That has nothing to do with my feelings about having a c-section. Unexpected, major surgery, that can have a serious effect on my future fertility and future pregnancies - and you (along with several other misguided, uncompassionate people) are telling me I should just "thank my lucky stars?" Seriously? Stop it.

    ::standing ovation::

  • imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


  • imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

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  • imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

    I'm sorry that you're taking a discussion of statistics so personally, but I really didn't berate anybody for having an emergency c-section.

  • imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    OMG I knooooow! The OBs are out to get us, not get us a living baby and Mom whilst avoiding getting sued!!!

    BTW, if we didn't live in such a freaking litigious country malpractice worries might not force so many c-sections.

    For me, if there was even a slightly higher risk to me or my kiddo w/vaginal birth, I was going for a c-section. As it turned out I never progressed bc there is a structural deformation in my pelvis that renders vaginal birth impossible.

    Damn that OB and her interest in my life and the life of my child!

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  • imageToledoDeux:
    imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

    I'm sorry that you're taking a discussion of statistics so personally, but I really didn't berate anybody for having an emergency c-section.

    You are misunderstanding my point.  I know we have too many c/s in the US and the statistics are what they are - I'm not disputing it, but your last comment invalidates the fact that my body COULDN'T push my son out. Period. You make it sound like I gave in to  the doctor's need to have an easy fix is all.  I understand you are very passionate about this subject.  I'm just trying to have you see how your comments can have a negative effect on mother's who unfortunately had no choice.

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  • imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

    I'm sorry that you're taking a discussion of statistics so personally, but I really didn't berate anybody for having an emergency c-section.

    You are misunderstanding my point.  I know we have too many c/s in the US and the statistics are what they are - I'm not disputing it, but your last comment invalidates the fact that my body COULDN'T push my son out. Period. You make it sound like I gave in to  the doctor's need to have an easy fix is all.  I understand you are very passionate about this subject.  I'm just trying to have you see how your comments can have a negative effect on mother's who unfortunately had no choice.

    How am I invalidating anything?  It is not contradictory to acknowledge that c-section rates in the US are too high AND that some true emergencies exist.  No one is recommending a c-section rate of 0%.


  • imageStellasmom:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    OMG I knooooow! The OBs are out to get us, not get us a living baby and Mom whilst avoiding getting sued!!!

    BTW, if we didn't live in such a freaking litigious country malpractice worries might not force so many c-sections.

    For me, if there was even a slightly higher risk to me or my kiddo w/vaginal birth, I was going for a c-section. As it turned out I never progressed bc there is a structural deformation in my pelvis that renders vaginal birth impossible.

    Damn that OB and her interest in my life and the life of my child!

    LOL!  Whatever, Stellas.  We both know that we have different views on this.  And you will continue to deliberately misunderstand me in order to mock.  The dance continues....

  • imageToledoDeux:
    imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

    I'm sorry that you're taking a discussion of statistics so personally, but I really didn't berate anybody for having an emergency c-section.

    You are misunderstanding my point.  I know we have too many c/s in the US and the statistics are what they are - I'm not disputing it, but your last comment invalidates the fact that my body COULDN'T push my son out. Period. You make it sound like I gave in to  the doctor's need to have an easy fix is all.  I understand you are very passionate about this subject.  I'm just trying to have you see how your comments can have a negative effect on mother's who unfortunately had no choice.

    How am I invalidating anything?  It is not contradictory to acknowledge that c-section rates in the US are too high AND that some true emergencies exist.  No one is recommending a c-section rate of 0%.


    Well I guess part of it is my issue with what happened.  My ds was only 8lbs 7oz when he was born, I'm a small person, but not overly so.  I never thought I'd have a problem.  Then I hear on here over and over again how uncommon having a small pelvis is, OB's use that as an excuse to do c/s, etc and of all the vaginal births of bigger babies - it gets to me.  I feel like I have to defend that I really, truly, needed the section - that I just didn't give in because I wasn't progressing.  I know I'm overly sensitive to the subject.

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  • imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    OMG I knooooow! The OBs are out to get us, not get us a living baby and Mom whilst avoiding getting sued!!!

    BTW, if we didn't live in such a freaking litigious country malpractice worries might not force so many c-sections.

    For me, if there was even a slightly higher risk to me or my kiddo w/vaginal birth, I was going for a c-section. As it turned out I never progressed bc there is a structural deformation in my pelvis that renders vaginal birth impossible.

    Damn that OB and her interest in my life and the life of my child!

    LOL!  Whatever, Stellas.  We both know that we have different views on this.  And you will continue to deliberately misunderstand me in order to mock.  The dance continues....

    You're acting like you "know" me. I don't remember you?

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  • imageAmrice78:

    Well I guess part of it is my issue with what happened.  My ds was only 8lbs 7oz when he was born, I'm a small person, but not overly so.  I never thought I'd have a problem.  Then I hear on here over and over again how uncommon having a small pelvis is, OB's use that as an excuse to do c/s, etc and of all the vaginal births of bigger babies - it gets to me.  I feel like I have to defend that I really, truly, needed the section - that I just didn't give in because I wasn't progressing.  I know I'm overly sensitive to the subject.

    Amrice - it truly is not my intent to make you - or anyone else - feel bad about their birth.  I understand being disappointed in how things progressed (or didn't) in that regard.  You DO NOT have to defend your personal experience, to me or to anyone.

  • imageRach03k:

    imagebrowniec:
    Please noone take this the wrong way but in the big scheme of things this isn't that important.  My sister was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome at 28 weeks and the baby didn't make it thru the delivery process.  There is WAY worse things that can happen than a C-Section, just thank your lucky stars for a healthy baby.

    I do take this the wrong way. Just because someone had something worse happen to them doesn't make my feelings less valid. Of course I'm happy I have a live baby. That has nothing to do with my feelings about having a c-section. Unexpected, major surgery, that can have a serious effect on my future fertility and future pregnancies - and you (along with several other misguided, uncompassionate people) are telling me I should just "thank my lucky stars?" Seriously? Stop it.

    Brownie, with all due respect, STFU.

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  • imageAmrice78:

    Well I guess part of it is my issue with what happened.  My ds was only 8lbs 7oz when he was born, I'm a small person, but not overly so.  I never thought I'd have a problem.  Then I hear on here over and over again how uncommon having a small pelvis is, OB's use that as an excuse to do c/s, etc and of all the vaginal births of bigger babies - it gets to me.  I feel like I have to defend that I really, truly, needed the section - that I just didn't give in because I wasn't progressing.  I know I'm overly sensitive to the subject.

    Amrice I'm sorry that happened to you - I don't think that Toledo was trying to say that you specifically didn't need your c/s, but I definitely get why you would be sensitive. It's hard to let stuff like that roll off your back when you're hearing it all the time. You're the only one who really knows what happened though, and like Toledo said - just because it's true that not all c/s are necessary doesn't mean that yours was not. 

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  • imageAmrice78:
    imageToledoDeux:
    imageStellasmom:

    Women's bodies have "failed" them throughout all of history though. The difference now is that we and/or our children don't have to die as a result.

    I guess I just didn't have this expectation of what my body "should" do, because c-sections are pretty prevalent. We're surrounded by evidence that women's bodies "fail" them pretty frequently.

    Its weird that growing a baby for 9 months is completely discounted by the experience of one or two days.

     

    This is really disturbing to me.  C-sections are not more prevalent because women's bodies are "failing" them.  It's malpractice insurance demands, doctors' schedules, and the cascade of interventions leading to an increasingly more common surgical outcome.

    The c-section rate in the U.S. is between 30 and 40%, while the Netherlands has a rate of about 10% (well below even the WHO's recommended rate), with much better maternal and neonatal outcomes.  Are American bodies really so much less equipped to deliver vaginally than the Dutch?


    I know you're trying to be helpful, but it is comments like this that made it even more difficult for me to get over my emergency c/s.  Yes we have a higher rate of c/s and yes many may be unnecessary, but please stop beratting (because that's what it sounds like) women who had to have them.  It is not your place to judge if my body (or anyone else's for that matter) was adequately equipped to deliver my son vaginally.  I was torn up over having to have a c/s, comments like this make it worse.

    I'm sorry, but you are taking this too personally.  I had a c/s and I agree with Toledo.   No one is saying YOUR section was wrong or berating you.  But it's fair to discuss, in general terms, the merits of a system where so many births are surgical. 

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  • imageHeather R:

    why you're so attached to a particular birth experience?  What is it you want?  (besides avoiding surgery, which is of course quite understandable).

    To answer the OP's question... and this is personal, and maybe has nothing to do with anyone else's feelings on the matter.

    I wasn't attached to a particular birth experience, per se.  I don't think that a lot of women who are unhappy with their c-sections were attached to a particular way of doing things to the point where no variability from their plan was the preference.

    My birth plan: I went in, planning to avoid pain meds as long as I was reasonably comfortable, but certainly not looking to go med-free the whole time.  I went in, trusting my doctor (who I saw one time for 3 minutes the entire 4 days I was in the hospital) to make sound medical decisions based on the information at hand.  I went in with the expectation that I would be a participant in my healthcare (which I don't think is an unreasonable expectation).

    What I got was drugs pushed at me from the moment I walked in, even after asking the nurses and nurses aides not to offer me meds - that I would ask when I wanted them.  What I got was sighs and tongue clacks that put a seed of doubt in mine and DH's head that something was up (it wasn't).  When I finally did ask for an epidural, I got a high dose of sedatives as well (which was unneccessary, and precluded me from being a participant in my birth experience).    I got woken up to a mask being put on my face, a shot of terbutiline to stop my contractions, and  6 people shouting over my bed and wheeling my bed out of the room, with my DH being told to stay where he was, even though I asked that he be nearby.  When I got to the hallway, the OB on call said that there was no emergency, and that people were over-reacting.

    To restart my labor, I was put on pitocin (they had started high dose pitocin when I was sedated, even though I was progressing at a reasonable rate according to the notes in my records) again.  One hour after being put on pitocin, the new OB on call started pushing c-section.   11 hours later, I agreed that it was unlikely my labor was going to get started again (I stopped laboring after the shot of terbutiline), and consented to c-section.  What's most important is a healthy baby, right?

    Prepped for c-section like a normal c-section, I guess.  The anesthesia wore off during my surgery.   I was given all kinds of local anesthesias to dull the pain (since they were almost done, they didn't want to put me under).  I could feel when the OB put my uterus on my belly.  I could feel getting stitched back up.  That wasn't the worst part.

    The topic of conversation during my c-section?  The OB was talking about a freaking parking space, and how someone was freaking parked in her freaking parking space.  My birth was the most important thing going on in that room (to me, to my DH... and I think it should have been the most important thing to the surgeon performing the damn surgery).

    Baby was taken to the nursery (DH went along) and I was sent to recovery.  I asked for my baby several times over the next 4 hours and 23 minutes.  I don't even think I was told if it was a boy or a girl. I must have asked for my baby 10 times an hour at least.  I waited 4 hours and 23 minutes to see her.  She was perfectly healthy, no complications with her health had arisen at that point.

    I felt very violated.  What did I want?  Simple human respect.

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