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Adoption
**julandjo**
DH and I were discussing the issues brought up in the thread yesterday and we have a some questions. We clearly don't agree, so this isn't meant to spark an argument, I'm just curious. What do you feel would be the ideal age to adopt these kids (5 & 7)? Would both the husband and wife have to be this age or either of them? And what characteristics do you feel a person of this age possesses that a person of my age (23) does not possess?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: **julandjo**
I don't believe there is a magic age, but the person/couple should probably have varied life experience. I think the reason your situation came across as alarming to many of the posters here is because you've had so many major life changes in a relatively short period of time. Adding two children who will most likely need intensive care during their first year (at least) in your home seems like it might be adding too much, too soon.
I read something recently that said something to the effect of: When you have a second child, your work increases 3 times what the first child added. A third child increases the work by 27 times. A fourth child doesn't seem to add any, but that's probably because you can't find him. I know this is just a joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Most parents I know with multiple children have said that they can't get over how much more work comes with having the second (and up) child(ren). They expected it to fit into there life much easier, based on their experiences with their first child.
Given the fact that you already expressed concern over your attention being diverted from you son, it seems that you might at least want to slow this down so you can analyze those feelings more thoroughly before bringing these children into your home.
I don't think there's a "right" age to adopt kids of those ages. But I know now, as a 30-year old, that at 23 I did not have the perspective or range of life experience that I would have needed to adequately parent a child of that age. I had already been through college, lived abroad and had a career, and certainly considered myself quite mature... but looking back I can clearly see that I lacked a LOT of understanding and, again, perspective, that only came with being older. (I'm certain that 10 years from now I'll say the same thing about myself at this age too!) Nobody I have known as a 23-year old would have been truly prepared to take on something like this.
This is certainly not a knock on your age, it was simply a seconday observation. My primary concern is that you're adopting out of birth order. These kids are facing some big, big hurdles... and your son is going to become a LOT more work for you very soon. Despite your experience with your students, you're a young, first-time parent. It's just a fact. It seems that you're not fully grasping how huge of a commitment this placement will be for your entire family, permanently. You're catapulting yourselves forward into some really heavy territory. I don't know you from Adam, I don't know your background, etc. I'm simply an outside observer telling you what *I think* I'm seeing.
I wish your family all the best, and I really hate to say things that I know are upsetting. You really need to hear opinions like these though, and weigh it all together.
No problem, is really appreciate everyone's thoughts whether or not I agree.
No apology necessary. By all means, jump in!