Do your kids have it better than you did?
firefightersgal
member
I have to admit that Nora is a little bit spoiled. Tonight, we went to my mom's former boss' house. He's moving and basically getting rid of everything he owns and buying new when he gets to his new house across the country. They have grandkids that have outgrown most of the things that they had there, so they loaded Nora up. She also got a big, fancy swing set this week (for free). There are a LOT of things she has that we never would have had as kids--even though DH and I didn't have to buy a lot of them. (And, no, 'things' aren't everything. They aren't even ANYTHING in the grand scheme...just an example).
Also, DH is a wonderful father. He adores Nora and would never do anything to hurt her. His dad is/was abusive. Nora gets to see a lot of us and gets one-on-one time with both of us. My dad was basically an absentee father and my mom (not by choice, I'm sure) worked 2+ jobs to pay the bills and went to college while trying to raise my brother and I. I certainly do not fault my mother for doing as best as she could with what she had (both time and money), but I can honestly say that I don't remember much 'fun' time spent with either parent growing up.
So...
Re: Do your kids have it better than you did?
In every possible sense, DD has it better than I did. She's got two married parents, neither of whom are in high school or are on drugs, has and will never be taken away by CPS like I was, has things to keep her happy and stimulated, and gets to do fun things with her parents that I never dreamed of when I was a kid. Money isn't everything, and we're certainly not wealthy, but little things like zoo memberships go a long way toward making memories.
I waited to have a child until I could ensure that s/he would have a better childhood than I did.
No pity, it's all good! I survived and it wasn't until I grew up that I realized not everyone's childhood was like mine! Kids are resilient. Thank you for your kind words.
It's hard to say.....my parents may not have been as financially stable and they most certainly were/are not perfect but they had us so active, out and enjoying life..I just hope to provide my children with the same type of adventurous childhood that I had. They were younger, had their last child (me) by 27 years old and met at 18 years old and married at 21, so they really grew along with us. My mom has struggled with a lot of issues but she was such a warm nurturing person and I (worry) hope I can provide that same type of love and care for my own kids. Ultimately I think at their root they were tougher than we are....less whiney. And I am in awe that they are still married and so in love at 62 having been together since they were 18 years old. They just went on a 3 week trip including the Galapagos Islands....they still are present for eachother and take adentures together and I hope that we can surive and thrive the way they have as parents and human beings. They were never perfect and my childhood was not perfect and my kids will have it better in some ways and in other ways they won't.
DHs mom got pg with him when she was very young and basically his parents had a shotgun wedding. They moved around a lot and never had a lot of money. When DH was around 12, they went through an ugly divorce. That affected his life significantly.
My parents are still together, and I grew up happy but my parents also never had a lot of money. When we were very young, my dad would get us up around 4AM to take us to my grandmother before he went to work. She would take us to school. It was a very long day for us. Later, we moved and were latch key kids. There was always a certain sense that my parents were struggling financially. When I was older, I never even thought to ask for money because I knew that we just didn't have it. Money isn't everything, but when you know that your parents don't have it, I felt the strain even though I was only a child. Despite that, my parents were always there for us and without their sacrifices, I don't think I would have the life I do now.
I don't buy my kids a ton of stuff, but they will never have to go through what DH and I did as kids. That's certainly a benefit of having children when you're older and better established.
I was torn. My kids have it about the same as me. My parents were/are pretty well off and we never wanted for anything. They are still married after almost 40 years. My sister and I had a wonderful stable loving home life. I don't imagine that we will have as much money as my paretns did when our kids are teenagers so maybe I was better off in possesions, but then again maybe not.
DH on the other hand had a pretty hard life. His parents divorced when he was three. His Mom remarried an abusive husband who made the whole family move to England where DH spent years being physically and verbally abused. They then moved back to the states and DH was verbally abused by his Mom for years. They were okay money wise but his home life was pretty unstable. Our kids are way way better off than him, he works hard to overcome the only parenting he knows. I wish his kids knew how lucky they are to have such an amazing father.