i really wanted today to be better, but it's not.
i am so tired, but i can't sleep. i lay in bed, fearing my dreams. or i wake up with tears already in my eyes because my subconsciousness can't stop dreaming that i'm still pregnant.
i don't have the energy to do housecleaning, workout, or even take the dog on a walk, but i feel incredibly guilty over not doing anything productive.
i want to lay in bed, but i can't get comfortable in any position.
i still have pain, but i don't want to take unperscribed medication. i want to call the dr, but i don't want to have another fight with him.
i want to feel love and comfort from anyone, but no one knows what to say or do for me. even husband trying to help me just winds up irritating me, and i wind up sending him away and then immediately feeling alone and abandoned.
i am torn between being an objective scientist and being a completely emotional mess.
nothing i do feels right. i keep thinking there must be people out there who would be, who ARE, handling this so much better then me, and why can't i do that?
i feel lost, but i haven't gone anywhere.