so sick of being tired, so tired of being sick. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

so sick of being tired, so tired of being sick.

i really wanted today to be better, but it's not.

i am so tired, but i can't sleep. i lay in bed, fearing my dreams. or i wake up with tears already in my eyes because my subconsciousness can't stop dreaming that i'm still pregnant.

i don't have the energy to do housecleaning, workout, or even take the dog on a walk, but i feel incredibly guilty over not doing anything productive.

i want to lay in bed, but i can't get comfortable in any position.

i still have pain, but i don't want to take unperscribed medication. i want to call the dr, but i don't want to have another fight with him.

i want to feel love and comfort from anyone, but no one knows what to say or do for me. even husband trying to help me just winds up irritating me, and i wind up sending him away and then immediately feeling alone and abandoned.

i am torn between being an objective scientist and being a completely emotional mess.

nothing i do feels right. i keep thinking there must be people out there who would be, who ARE, handling this so much better then me, and why can't i do that?

i feel lost, but i haven't gone anywhere.


Re: so sick of being tired, so tired of being sick.

  • you are human, this is hard!

    I can totally relate, I don't want to do anything, but I feel like a loser just sitting here, even my pets are annoying me and I feel glued to my bed. 

    I will say a prayer right now that you will find a moment of peace today. Hang in there, you aren't alone.

  • You handle the best way that you can.  There are sometimes at night where I think--gosh, I wish I was still pregnant and everything is okay.  But then I realize the truth.  I still sleep on my Snoogle, just more on my back rather than my side.  Last night, I went to bed early, a little drowsy from pain medication--just needed to take care of myself--felt like I was on grandma time--but I feel great today.  And for me, just doing what I need to do in order to get healthy again to TTC, it helps me to focus on the future. 
    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
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  • I know exactly how you are feeling, and you are handling it just fine. It is normal to be anr=gry and "unproductive" after something like this. We (on this board) had our moments of dispair and pain and anger, but you have acceptance and ease and comfort to look forward to also. There's nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better, but I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you are NOT alone and NOT abandoned. :: :hugs::
  • yeah after i wrote this i pretty much kicked my a$$ into gear and decided the first step would be to get dressed, like actually put on a pair of jeans instead of lounging around in my pjs. then since i decided i couldn't get comfortable laying down or even watching a movie, i might as well take the dog on a walk. it wasn't any more or less uncomfortable then any other action. then my husband and i ran some errands. all day, i've been feeling like crap physically, but at least i'm feeling better emotionally. lots better. thanks everyone!!

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