I made a huge mistake.

mindyschaller

I coach a girls sport team, and I found out that I was pregnant right before the end of the season. I was talking to one of the girls' mother who asked if I was pregnant (she told me she was sensitive to the baby's energy.. go figure...) and because she caught me off guard, I said yes I was and that I had just found out... needless to say the entire team found out from that woman's daughter (after all, it is a group of teenage girls...) and I had to address it by telling them that I was and that it was too early to say anything and I'd apreciate that they didn't go telling everyone.  I m/c after the season ended and I don't know how to tell them/ or if i should say anything becasue our season is starting up again in a few weeks and I'm still getting emails and messages asking about the baby which I haven't responded to.  I'm concerned that telling them about the m/c might get me into trouble because the only adult that knew i was pregnant (and who also doesn't know about the m/c) is my direct supervisor because I had to have him cover for me for DR appointments.
so my question is how do I tell these girls without really saying much? Also, I really don't want to experience all the "that's so sad" and "I'm so sorry" because it might send me into a downward spiral and I'm just now out of my depression. please give me advice!

someflower6

why would you get into trouble for saying you had a m/c? it's the unfortunate truth. and its not like you really intended that they find out you were pregnant in the first place... it just spread through the grapevine.

so you could probably let the news about the m/c spread through the grapevine too... maybe just tell one person to let the group know. and unfortunately, i think when you do tell you'll have to make sure to stay as positive as possible in order to avoid getting a lot of "pity".

if it's too soon for you to deal with it right now, then there's no need to. in a few weeks, you may be feeling at least a little better and may be ready to deal with telling them then. plus, if they start asking a lot of questions or making you feel depressed, you can make them run extra laps.

sunflower.17

someflower6:

why would you get into trouble for saying you had a m/c? it's the unfortunate truth. and its not like you really intended that they find out you were pregnant in the first place... it just spread through the grapevine.

so you could probably let the news about the m/c spread through the grapevine too... maybe just tell one person to let the group know. and unfortunately, i think when you do tell you'll have to make sure to stay as positive as possible in order to avoid getting a lot of "pity".

if it's too soon for you to deal with it right now, then there's no need to. in a few weeks, you may be feeling at least a little better and may be ready to deal with telling them then. plus, if they start asking a lot of questions or making you feel depressed, you can make them run extra laps.

i'm going to agree with everything someflower said. i didn't want to tell anyone right away either, but my dh was so excited i relented. now i have to deal with the i'm sorrys and all that. i find as long as i smile real big and pretend to be positive, everyone leaves me alone about it. sad, but true. then i can go home and cry it out by myself. ::big hugs:: to ya, hth.

mindyschaller

Thanks and the part about making them run laps made me laugh... i was thinking the same thing! It's the whole "it was my fault"  feelings lingering and making me nervous abuot people finding out.  Thanks for the advice 

xnbride

email is a great thing. I couldn't talk about it after my losses and just couldn't deal with those comments either, so I just sent my family an email telling them what happened and that I would appreciate some space etc. I would be very honest about it.  I apologized for being inpersonal but just said that I just can't handle talking about it and that this was the most effective way of telling them the sad news. 

People want to know what is appropriate and expected of them during these difficult times and it helps to set very clear expectations about what you can and cannot handle.  It is so much easier to deal with the "I am sorry" emails than the in person, eye to eye contact ones.