Blended Families

S/O Kids Having Their Own Spaces

I need to get some input to see if I am off base.

DH has 3 kids that live on the other side of the country that come to stay with us about 3-4 times a year for a total of about 6 or so weeks.

DH and I are buying a new house.  The plan is to have 2 of the upstairs bedrooms be for the kids when they visit (the SSs sharing the bigger room (it is about 15x16) and SD alone in the smaller room (it is about 12x12) ). We would work with the kids to do some decorating to their tastes (within reason).

There is another bedroom in the basement. I would like to keep the downstairs bedroom dedicated soley as a guestroom (versus being another kids room) so that his mom (or any other out-of-state family members) can stay with us when the kids are here since she lives in another state (my family is all within a short drive of our new home).

So my question is this "Is is unreasonable for the boys to share a room when each kid could have their own room?"

Re: S/O Kids Having Their Own Spaces

  • SaranSaran member
    I don't think so. How old are the boys? Are they teenagers? If so, they may want their own space but seeing they are not there at least half the time, they could manange to share a room. Get bunk beds so it creates more space for them and they wont feel so cramped. If you put the focus on them having an input in the decorating of their room, they may forget about having to share. Hey, alot of kids who live with their parents full time have to share a room with their siblings so you're not asking them to do something out of the ordinary.
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  • yes. you could do two loft style beds.
    It will not kill them to share a room 6 out of 52 weeks. Hell it won't kill them to share a room for 52 weeks.

    ETA- I meant that I don't think that it is unreasonable for them to share a room. Hello Mary do not nest when sleepy.

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  • SaranSaran member
    BTW- When I said "I dont think so", I meant I don't think it will be a problem for them to share a room.
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  • Sharing a room is fine even if they lived with you full time!  It's still "their own space".  If it were my kids I would do that over using the basement too.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • SSs are 11 and 13.  SD is 12.  The boys have always shared a room when they visit us (our current home only has 3 bedrooms), though the room they have been sharing is only about 10x11 so the new one will be much larger.

    And we are going to let them have some input on the color schemes of the rooms but nothing too crazy. 

    I know if the boys had it they way the walls would be camo colored with  paint ball splotches for accent colors and paint ball guns mounted on the walls.  Tongue Tied  Yeah, that is not happening.

    Not sure what SD would do in her room since right now her interests are horses, animals and beauty pageants.  Though it could get interesting with that combo.  Surprise

  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    We don't have a dedicated guest room, though I would like one.  I am big on kids having their own space, but I am also biased because I was an only child and didn't have to share.

    Oldest SS has a queen sized bed and younger SS has a king.  My parents and his parents and grandma & sister & cousin have all come and stayed in one of SSs rooms.  They don't mind the ninja turtles/transformers/iron man/spiderman etc.  They keep their rooms picked up and dusted, so it's not a big imposition to have a guest in their room.

    I would ask your SSs what they would like.  I would explain that the rooms will be used as guest rooms as needed.  Then, they can even have the option visit to visit or night to night whether to sleep in the same room or not. 

    Personally, I would put bunk beds in the upstairs room and a bigger bed in the basement that oldest SS was free to use as he liked.  I can imagine at his age that the 2 year difference between the brothers seems huge.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • I forgot to mention that they share a room at BM's house.  So it isn't like they have their own rooms there and would have the big change of sharing at our house.
  • I would say let them share, but make it known to older SS that he is free to sleep in the guestroom whenever he pleases as long as there are no longer guests in the house. Just do bunk beds or something in the room they are sharing. My SD's are 16 and 14 and wanted to share a really small room in our new house that didn't have enough bedrooms for all of the 4 kids.

     

  • imageJ&A2008:

    Oldest SS has a queen sized bed and younger SS has a king.  My parents and his parents and grandma & sister & cousin have all come and stayed in one of SSs rooms.  They don't mind the ninja turtles/transformers/iron man/spiderman etc.  They keep their rooms picked up and dusted, so it's not a big imposition to have a guest in their room.

    I would ask your SSs what they would like.  I would explain that the rooms will be used as guest rooms as needed.  Then, they can even have the option visit to visit or night to night whether to sleep in the same room or not. 

    Personally, I would put bunk beds in the upstairs room and a bigger bed in the basement that oldest SS was free to use as he liked.  I can imagine at his age that the 2 year difference between the brothers seems huge.

    I have to disagree.  The room will be their bedroom and guests will use it on occassion but that does not make it a guest room then, it makes it a guest staying in their room.  And I personally would not want a 13yo in the basement when everyone else is upstairs, yes they might prefer the space but I think that unless there are no other options than the bedrooms should be upstairs.  And if it were my bio-kids or SK I would have them share a room. 

    As for decorating the room, I would really suggest either getting their opinions or not, if you want their opinions than you are stuck doing what they want to a degree or they will feel that you were doing what you wanted anyway.  I know when my SD was 11 and I had her pick out her own stuff when we moved, a year before she moved in with us, she was thrilled.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    imageLittlejen22:
    imageJ&A2008:

    Oldest SS has a queen sized bed and younger SS has a king.  My parents and his parents and grandma & sister & cousin have all come and stayed in one of SSs rooms.  They don't mind the ninja turtles/transformers/iron man/spiderman etc.  They keep their rooms picked up and dusted, so it's not a big imposition to have a guest in their room.

    I would ask your SSs what they would like.  I would explain that the rooms will be used as guest rooms as needed.  Then, they can even have the option visit to visit or night to night whether to sleep in the same room or not. 

    Personally, I would put bunk beds in the upstairs room and a bigger bed in the basement that oldest SS was free to use as he liked.  I can imagine at his age that the 2 year difference between the brothers seems huge.

    I have to disagree.  The room will be their bedroom and guests will use it on occassion but that does not make it a guest room then, it makes it a guest staying in their room.  And I personally would not want a 13yo in the basement when everyone else is upstairs, yes they might prefer the space but I think that unless there are no other options than the bedrooms should be upstairs.  And if it were my bio-kids or SK I would have them share a room. 

    As for decorating the room, I would really suggest either getting their opinions or not, if you want their opinions than you are stuck doing what they want to a degree or they will feel that you were doing what you wanted anyway.  I know when my SD was 11 and I had her pick out her own stuff when we moved, a year before she moved in with us, she was thrilled.

    OMG littlejen.  I'm just going to start randomly "disagreeing" with you in every post, just for the heck of it. 

    Why exactly did you have to quote my post, then say you "disagree?"  With what?  What I do in my home?  With her asking SSs?  Or with having a larger bed in the basement? 

    Thanks for the giggle.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • imageLittlejen22:

    As for decorating the room, I would really suggest either getting their opinions or not, if you want their opinions than you are stuck doing what they want to a degree or they will feel that you were doing what you wanted anyway.  I know when my SD was 11 and I had her pick out her own stuff when we moved, a year before she moved in with us, she was thrilled.

    I will take this advice under advisement but budget is pretty low so any changes (paint, furniture, etc) won't be for months.  At this point the SSs will have a bright turquoise room and SDs room will be a light tan (the current colors).

    Our plan is to have a selection of paint colors for the walls/trim and they can choose which combo they like the best. DH is fine with that and that is what my folks did with my bro and I for our rooms. 

  • SueBearSueBear member

    I think there is a big difference in your situation - where kids are shaing their room vs. the situation where the kids got stuck in the basement (apart from the family) because the stepmom's crap was all over the place and she wanted an office. 

    I think your arrangement makes the boys feel loved and wanted (even if two are in the same room), not thrown someplace b/c they don't "fit" anywhere else.

    I don't know what kind of basement you have, but where we live, basements cannot be bedrooms unless they have a certain kind of window (fire window)?  Basically, the windows have to be big enough for a fireman with a pack on his back to get through.  We purchased our house from someone who had their son living in the basement (he became a teen and didn't want to share a room with his little brother), but they moved b/c they were violating safety / fire codes and didn't feel comfortable with that arrangement.

  • The basement bedroom has what are called "Daylight Windows" meaning that they are at least 4 feet high by 4 feet wide.  So it is all legal.  No worries. But it is on the other side of  the house from the rest of the bedrooms so the idea of OSS being down there by himself, with the big TV and the spare fridge filled with drinks and snacks makes me a little uncomfortable. 

    He sometimes tries to act like one of the adults (he is often responsible for looking after and policing his sibs at BMs) and so thinks he doesn't have to listen to us if he doesn't agree with us.  DH nips that behavior in the bud when it happens but we get it often enough for it to be an ongoing concern.

    The more I think about it, the more I think that setting him up in what amounts to his own little apartment in the basement away from our rooms would be a bad idea. 

  • imagekarome:

    But it is on the other side of  the house from the rest of the bedrooms so the idea of OSS being down there by himself, with the big TV and the spare fridge filled with drinks and snacks makes me a little uncomfortable. 

     

    This is exactly what I was trying to get at but I know I get influenced by issues we had with my SD and tend to be "paranoid".  I just cannot imagine being comfortable with a pre-teen having a basement to themself but I know that this works perfectly fine for some people...(J&A, I promise that I am not judging anyone if they do this, it is just what I am comfortable with if I had a choice.)

    As for the money, I totally understand that one.  I would just either do what you want without their input and just choose what you think they would like or let them choose what you can afford to do when you can afford it...whether that meant bedding or paint in the future, a new fan, etc.  Side note, I remember my SD's ex-boyfriend's 12yo brother was super excited that he got to choose a cool ceiling fan with a blue light in their newly built room they were sharing...not saying that you would get something like that but you get what I mean.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I'll make this short.  I think that it would be fine for them to share a room!
  • Not at all.

    FWIW, We have a master bedroom and 3 additional bedrooms. My SS(8) has is own room (the bioggest, besides the master), my DD has her own room and we have a guest bedroom. 

    When the new baby comes, SS will move into a new 'big boy / tweenager' room  and DD will move into SS's room and share with the new baby so we keep our guest room.

  • With them not being there full time I would not set up seperate rooms for them. 
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