How did Stella get her groove back?

Jas*sGirl

Any tips on how to get out of mommy mode and into hot sexy wife mode?  I always seem to be too tired to get all revved up and I am starting to feel bad for my husband.  So help Tami get her groove back! 

nykola

I definitely think you should start with a brazillian bikini wax with a thin little landing strip...just to switch things up for your hubby.  Just kidding.  Ouch, the thought of that is making me cross my legs.

I have no advice because as a 5-month pregnant woman, I am the LAST person who should be advising others on getting their groove back.

This should be a fun thread though!!

cwhip77

I think Stella STOLE my groove... 

stacylu

My groove is looonng gone but some cute lingerie might help...

Jas*sGirl

cwhip77:

I think Stella STOLE my groove... 

  Haha that B!tch stole mine too I think!  LOL  Maybe we should plan a mommy shopping trip to lovers this weekend?  hehe 

 

Nykola how about if I just take my trusty razor to that area....just say no to the wax.

Alli923

Haha, I usually start by shaving my legs.  Its the simple things, ya know?  This is bad, I'm not even knocked up yet.

CinemaGoddess

Stella stole mine, too.  Is she selling them on the black market or something?

Methinks a trip to Castle Superstore (Costco of Porn!) is in my future. 

Jas*sGirl

cinema_goddess:

Stella stole mine, too.  Is she selling them on the black market or something?

 

She is probably selling them on craig's list...that wench! 

Seattle_JiLLn

I've still got no groove and Ben is 2 1/2.

 

There's a book someone recommended and I got it at the library, but haven't read it yet - it's called Great Sex for Moms.   Maybe check it out.

 

The only way we do it is if we plan ahead for it, or if we have a random morning encounter.  By the end of the day, I'm so over it.   Plus, its more likely by 11PM that DH has done something to irritate me and make me out of the mood.  In the morning he's usually not in the doghouse yet.

When Ben was taking 2 naps a day, we would just plan for afternoon nap time on Saturdays.  I know ti's not romantic, but knowing it was coming helped a little.  WHat does NOT work is "hey let's do it tonight".  Um, yeah.  no thanks.

jen_and_tom

I wish I knew! 

I have very little desire right now and on top of that it hurts.  We've gotten very creative for my husband's sake but I want my heart to be in it again!   I was talking with some of my mom friends about this a few weeks ago.   One suggested that perhaps I have some scar tissue from healing where I tore.  Another offered that she discovered that her testosterone was out of whack and she had none(!).  She got a gel from her dr that helped to kick her body back into gear for producing testosterone and they're all good once again. 

 The scar tissue option probably doesn't apply to you but I wonder if the testosterone could just by the phsyiological effects of being a mom?  

 I'm going to go in and see my m/w soon to see if either of those is affecting me.  

 Interesting side note: of the eight mom's (all with 1-yo babies) that i was with discussing this with, five had little or no desire for sex.  :-(

Seattle_JiLLn

Yeah, I do have a friend who had to have everything "reconstructed" down there because of scar tissue... so that can be a big one.    It took her a while before she talked to her doc though.  So it's good to speak up!

Jas*sGirl

I too say speak up to your dr!  I did not go through labor so its not that for me....its just once I hit the bed I just want to SLEEP, not get all sexy time!  Jill I do like the idea of planning it.  Then I can kinda get my body and mind in a place for it besides the "hey baby you wanna?" 

WatchPot

I was showering in the guest bathroom once and DH"s stuff was in there and I started smelling it and it smelled all like him and it did the trick for me! 

a day of hookey from work (or going in late)

A bottle of wine

Pop in a movie that you started but never finished when you were younger

IdahoGirl

Another tip - cuz I'm right there with ya girlie - sometimes I just fake being interested at first, because once we *do* get started, I end up enjoying it.

I saw on some talk show, don't remember which one, a therapist saying to try this and think of it as an investment in your relationship, because (this is a huge generalization) most men show their emotional connection to their wives via sex. 

I don't know if I buy that - but hey, it helps me to think of it that way when I really don't want to and I know Jim does.  And like I said, once we do get started, I end up being glad we did

pixelvixen

I say you need to invest in new tassles and make some jelloshots

Alli923

IdahoGirl:

Another tip - cuz I'm right there with ya girlie - sometimes I just fake being interested at first, because once we *do* get started, I end up enjoying it.

I agree with IG.  Sometimes I feel so exhausted, but I try to remind myself of the extra-nice exhausted feeling I get afterwards and that helps me get going. 

And while DH and I don't usually plan on it together, I plan on it in my own head, cuz let's face, he's pretty much always game.  So maybe that morning, I tell myself I'm going to shave my legs and clean myself up, make sure my hair looks good, and wear something extra nice today so I feel great.  Its a lot easier for me to get into if I'm already feeling really positive about myself.

AnnetteWalker

Tami I could have posted this too. So I will read thru the replies to see what everyone has to say!

Good luck but know that your not alone.

MissBlush

I don't know how much of a book reader you are, but there are a few books that are really great for getting you in the mood.  One is The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex.  It's a little over the top, but it's really fun and sexy.  I also have several of the Lou Paget books, which I totally love.

For me, it's sometimes a matter of just making DH set aside 45 minutes or so to talk, snuggle, etc.  Feeling emotionally close really gets me in the mood.

There's also this game...I can't remember the name...but it involves painting chocolate on different body parts.  Mmmmm;).

Seattle_JiLLn

One thing that someone once told me...

 

Women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. 

 

So it's sort of a circle that you have to decide where to start.  If he starts being more affectionate, maye you'll want it more.  But if you start doing it more, maybe he'll be more affectionate.   So I figure you can control you.  Suck itup, do it sometimes even if you aren't really in the mood - like someone else said, usually once you get going it's not like it's bad - and just try to get back into the habit.

And yeah, planning it is good b/c as you know, women need their heads in the game.  It's not just physical.  So if you can get it planned and start thinking about it and start feeling like it, then you can get into it more.

Jas*sGirl

Fake it till you make it!!!  Just dont fake the O, right? 

Seattle_JiLLn

Jas*sGirl:

Fake it till you make it!!!  Just dont fake the O, right? 

 

Unless you just want it to be over so you can go to sleep. 

IdahoGirl

Seattle_JiLLn:

Jas*sGirl:

Fake it till you make it!!!  Just dont fake the O, right? 

 

Unless you just want it to be over so you can go to sleep. 

Bwahahaha

JRS72206

IdahoGirl:

Another tip - cuz I'm right there with ya girlie - sometimes I just fake being interested at first, because once we *do* get started, I end up enjoying it.

I do this! As a matter of fact I did it just last night. I ended up having a pretty good time, if ya know what I mean. 

braveangel2

Lots and lots of...um...warming up. Either on your own or having him tease you all day.

It doesn't last that long. That surprised me, but getting warmed up helped my body respond. I would say also take a nice long shower so you don't smell like baby. I was amazed at how that affected me.

The day before, ask your husband to take the baby for a drive so you can nap. This also went a long way for me.

Oh, and LOTS of lube ladies.

braveangel2

pixelvixen:

I say you need to invest in new tassles and make some jelloshots

Hahahahaha...that's sounds like something my mom would say!

MrsH_08

Alli923:

Its a lot easier for me to get into if I'm already feeling really positive about myself.

This is my biggest issue.  I don't really feel great about myself, these days.  I have gotten SO out of shape since recovering from foot surgery (3 mos+).  I can only now just barely walk for a little at a time.  Really, it was already happening before that, but I was more active then.  It's a good thing we're TTC so we def have sex a few times each month! :-)

And I agree on pre-planning.  When I was younger, spontaneous sex was more fun.  Now, it's nice to have some warning so I can shave and put on something sexier.  Otherwise I don't always shave and wear comfy clothes to bed.

MrsH_08

braveangel2:

pixelvixen:

I say you need to invest in new tassles and make some jelloshots

Hahahahaha...that's sounds like something my mom would say!

Your mom??

preston18

I can't believe I'm about to admit this on the internet...

I was in Capital Hill today and right across the street from where I was going was Toys in Babeland. So in I went. And walked out with a hot pick bag.  And am just waiting for my DH to get home and DS to be down for the night.

I also got a bikini wax (not a brazilian!) before our recent vacation and that seemed to have an effect on both of us.

And then there are the times I fake it till I make it. I've never regretted getting busy after we're done.

nykola

Okay so if waxing is out of the question, then yes shaving maybe just do some major maintenance on the field.  Pruning in fact...lol  For some reason I think a lot of men get turned on by that. I will never understand the male mind.  That is unless you get bumps, in which case, maybe shaving is out. Itchy coohie is so the antithesis of getting your groove back!!

On another note, I think the real life "Stella" after which the character was created got her groove back by taking a Jamaican vacation, meeting some hot Jamaican dude, having a fling with him and then marrying him...only to find out a few years later that he's actually gay.

I don't recommend that! LOL!!!

spacystasi

Alli923:

IdahoGirl:

Another tip - cuz I'm right there with ya girlie - sometimes I just fake being interested at first, because once we *do* get started, I end up enjoying it.

I agree with IG.  Sometimes I feel so exhausted, but I try to remind myself of the extra-nice exhausted feeling I get afterwards and that helps me get going. 

And while DH and I don't usually plan on it together, I plan on it in my own head, cuz let's face, he's pretty much always game.  So maybe that morning, I tell myself I'm going to shave my legs and clean myself up, make sure my hair looks good, and wear something extra nice today so I feel great.  Its a lot easier for me to get into if I'm already feeling really positive about myself.

I should note though that my DH thinks he's the only married man not getting it that often lately... I should show him this post!

livy91606

Well I DID try to initiate the other night....but go figure....DH wasn't into it either.  He cant get out of daddy mode.  He was worried that DD would hear us.  I told him that I would be quiet.  He said "She will still 'know' what we were doing".

I think we need to have an evening alone.  But I'm still not ready to leave my baby with anyone else. 

ohhhh....who needs sex anyways (hear my sarcasm)

iHeartHimMore

nykola:

Itchy coohie

HAHA!! ?You said itchy coochie!!?

MrsH_08:

braveangel2:

pixelvixen:

I say you need to invest in new tassles and make some jelloshots

Hahahahaha...that's sounds like something my mom would say!

Your mom??

My mom would totally say something like that too!?

CinemaGoddess

nykola:

  That is unless you get bumps, in which case, maybe shaving is out. Itchy coohie is so the antithesis of getting your groove back!!

 

For realsies, yo.  I tell DH, if you want me to shave anything down Brazil way, you first!  That shuts him up and then he's perfectly happy with the trimmed version. 

Nykola - have you seen the Venus personal trimmer commercials with the women trimming bushes with hedgeclippers.  Cracks me the eff up. 

nykola

cinema_goddess:

nykola:

  That is unless you get bumps, in which case, maybe shaving is out. Itchy coohie is so the antithesis of getting your groove back!!

 

For realsies, yo.  I tell DH, if you want me to shave anything down Brazil way, you first!  That shuts him up and then he's perfectly happy with the trimmed version. 

Nykola - have you seen the Venus personal trimmer commercials with the women trimming bushes with hedgeclippers.  Cracks me the eff up. 

Yes I have!!  I love how commercials make personal grooming appear to be so simple and painless and carefree for women.  Bullduckey.  It's a pain in the butt!!!  I can't shave cuz it itches mah coochie, but I do wax and it hurts like the dickens, but it's worth it when I DO it.

I do think men need to experience something though so they can truly appreciate the lengths women go to to for them!!  That's why I love winter...less shaving!

mwhite5283

Talk to your doctor about topical testosterone cream.  My sister and my BFF both used post pregnancy and got 'great results'. 

MissLauraQ

The "just start and it ends great" does not work for me.... I hardly O so it's not what does it for me

I have about the same groove I've always had - which is either 1 or 2 a week ( or a good week)

Have you read 5 languages of love?  I know it's a realtionship book, but knowing what turns your crank can also help your husband pre- warm your oven

CinemaGoddess

MissLauraQ:

The "just start and it ends great" does not work for me.... I hardly O so it's not what does it for me

Same here. 

Also - Doood!