do you think DC should let babies cry unnecessarily?

KathrynMD

My friend is taking her 3 mo to a corporate DC 2 days a week while she eases back from maternity leave.  She saw 2 babies under 6 months crying and the DC workers weren't picking them up/attending to them (and they weren't busy w/ another kid, they were just chit chatting in a corner).  She said something to the director (or maybe just another teacher?) and their response was that if know nothing's wrong (clean diaper, fed, etc) they don't always rush to pick the babies up b/c they want them to learn how to self-soothe.  Doesn't that seem kinda f#ked up to you? 

We use a center too - and while I have no doubt that DD has probably cried a few times when they couldn't get to her quickly enough or there was another more urgent need, I can't imagine them letting her cry for reason. 

crysas81

That is absolutely awful! I would talk to her about this and beg her to consider another day care!

semdkm

My guess is you'll receive a lot of different answers here, but I NEVER forced my child to "self soothe."  I believe it's quite likely that a crying 3 or 6 or 12 month old might just want to be HELD (imagine?!).  Everyone has a different "care" style, but I told my daycare center that if my dd was crying, I wanted her held, period, and I found a center who agreed with my parenting approach (e.g., hold a crying baby) to make sure that was done. 

luvmagoldn

I know I wouldn't be comfortable with that approach for my kids.

shouldbeworkin

luvmagoldn:

I know I wouldn't be comfortable with that approach for my kids.

Ditto.  IMO, that is something for a parent to decide and daycare to follow only if the parent agrees.  In fact, I wouldn't doubt that it is against state regulations.

KathrynMD

I think its all kinds of messed up. . 

My company uses the same place for back up daycare. . .but after hearing all this, I would never take me baby there.

My friend has a nanny lined up for when she goes back FT in another month.

EastCoastBride

shouldbeworkin:

IMO, that is something for a parent to decide and daycare to follow only if the parent agrees.  In fact, I wouldn't doubt that it is against state regulations.

This is the key for me. It's one thing for ME to decide to let DS CIO, it's another for someone else to make that decision, especially w/o consulting me about it. 

I have yet to resort to CIO.  I hope I don't need to - but I would have a HUGE problem w/ someone else just deciding to do it. He's a baby - if he cries I feel he wants something, even if its just a snuggle.

suh5969

The only thing could be that the parent might have told them to do this.  Then I could understand.

Lotte134

luvmagoldn:

I know I wouldn't be comfortable with that approach for my kids.

ITA especially since I have a baby who generally only cries when he needs something and, yes, sometimes that is just for me to snuggle him a bit.  

AlisaS

There are a couple of babies at my daycare who cry a lot and the teachers are told by their parents not to pick them up so they learn how to soothe themselves.

 

F-ing a$$holes. It makes me so sick. And these kids scream.

momofolivia

the two daycares that I have been to don't necessarily let them CIO, but they don't rush to pick them up either.  It always made me cringe when I was the one consoling a baby and the teachers were like "oh yeah, she just wants to be held"

BUT  I do believe that DD is more patient because she has had to learn to wait her turn at school.  they don't drop everything to see what is wrong, and in return she really doesn't expect that now from us. 

Bella427

The center we used (which I love) went by whatever the parents preferred.  So a couple of kids CIO for naps in their cribs b/c that's what the parents wanted but otherwise they picked them up asap, unless they were swamped with another baby.  Having CIO be the center motto sounds very fu*ked up to me. 

californiaclaire

Lotte134:

luvmagoldn:

I know I wouldn't be comfortable with that approach for my kids.

ITA especially since I have a baby who generally only cries when he needs something and, yes, sometimes that is just for me to snuggle him a bit.  

This is why we ended up hiring a nanny for DS. Daycare just wasn't for us. Our expecations were much higher than what a center with a 4:1 ratio could provide.

lindseyhowey

I've worked at various daycare centers for a number of years. In my experience early childhood educators are very concious of parent's personal preferences, and try to make children's days in the center as close to what the parents do as possible. If a parent wishes to allow their child to self sooth, teachers will do that too.

On another note, there is a lot of work involded in running a classroom, even at this age. I doubt that the teachers were't doing anything, even if iy didn't look constructive to your friend.

Meg&Jesse

I changed day care providers due to this issue.  We used an in-home provider and when I interviewed her while pregnant she seemed great.  However, she turned out to be very stuck in her ways and had this bullsh*t philosophy of "babies being held too much = not a good thing."  Ugh...I don't even like thinking about it...

Thank goodness we switched providers and DS is with a provider that attends to him when he is upset.  DS doesn't get upset and cry that often, so she knows something is up when he does.  I agree with the pp's...I think it is just sad when LO's are allowed to CIO, especially if the parents don't agree with it.

Meg41208

don't states have laws on how long children are allowed to cry for before they are redirected?

I would not like this approach.  I can't stand to think of DD crying (even for no reason, which she hardly does) and not being attended to.

xmasbabymama

I think it sort of depends on the level of crying for me too. I don't mind letting them fuss a little bit, which some people interpret as crying. So, really, I would have to see it for myself. I agree with the poster, that I hope my baby learns to wait her turn and be patient. She's generally an agreeable baby anyways, so I think she will.