Anxiety over leaving dad as stay at home dad!
My fiancee was laid off while I was 7 months pregnant, 3 months later our baby is now here, he hasn't been able to find a job and I have to return to work next week after my 6 week maternity leave. When we both worked, we had planned on me taking 2-3 months maternity leave while he worked. Since he hasn't found a job and with the market getting tougher daily it seems that he's all but given up. I have even suggested part time work but he seems to want the right job or none at all.
I'm not the stay at home type of mom but its our first child and I wanted to give her full attention and care at least until she was 3 months and then find a babysitter. I had planned on learning time, play dates, activities outside, walks to the park, and lots of learning stimulation.
My fiancee on the other hand was just happy that she slept all the time and had to 'adjust' that she wanted to stay up and play at times. Our baby is larger than your average 6 week old and he plays with her like she is 6 months. He also doesn't?know how to properly wash the bottles although he's technically been washing them for sometime now. He's very patient and he's very loving, but he forgets to change her clothes, is afraid to bathe her alone, and thinks we should change her diaper only after she eats.
Being at home with him and the baby I feel like I'm the only adult who read the baby books, how do I get him to understand that playing with her is great, but that there are certain details he needs to tend while he stays with her as our stay at home dad? Or that TV doesn't count as stimulation? I feel like I nag at him all the time on what he does wrong, and somethings repeatedly. If I had to pick for our child to stay with him or a stranger, I definitely pick him! But as the day gets closer for my return my anxiety has increased.
Re: Anxiety over leaving dad as stay at home dad!
How long as he stayed with her alone so far? Has it been for an 8 hour stretch yet? My DH stays home with DD a lot because we have opposite schedules on some days. At first, it's hard. You have to realize that DH is not going to do it like you do. Give up some of your expectations and let him find his comfort level at parenting.
DD was 7 months when I first went back to work outside of the home. (I previously had a WAH job.) By this time DD was on purees and I went through the whole feeding routine with DH. I told him that I had just tried prunes with her and that she really liked them. So that night DH decided to feed her prunes. Well, the next day he did the exact same thing. This went on for FOUR days before he finally stopped feeding her prunes and decided to try a food he wasn't sure she would enjoy. I had to let DH figure this out by himself. Otherwise, I would be robbing him of learning to do it all by himself.
It took a week or two, but he's a pro. After he got it all figured out he really started bonding with DD. They have so much fun together now. He still for the life of him can't figure out how to put an outfit on her, but I can live with that. As long as she's happy and healthy I'm not going to complain about the way he does stuff.
Wait a second. Your fiance has a new baby and he is being lazy about finding a job to support his family? And he is a lazy father, too? And he is too rough with his infant?
No wonder you are anxious.
Are you being hypercritical of his parenting? No one will do things exactly as you would, so get over that right now. If you think she is in danger while in his care, then take her to daycare.
About the job situation, if you don't like his attitude, then stop supporting him! Tell him to get an effing job or pack his bags.
Maybe it's a good thing you aren't married.
To clarify, I don't support him and he doesn't support me, we have separate finances and he keeps up his end as well as pays for half of our baby expenses. He doesn't work but has sufficient savings to keep up with expenses. I wouldn't say he's a lazy father, when it comes to caring for her he does, he just doesn't see to all the details... which based on many of the postings I have read seems to be the general census. Its very possible that I can be overcritical over his parenting versus mine. I don't think he's rough with her, he just plays with her by trying to stand her (while holding her), lifting her up high, and moving her (in my view) a little too fast.
?I really feel that my anxiety lies in that 1) its not how we planned it and 2) he won't take full advantage of their time to have learning time.