Special Needs

I love this letter

Seems like we have some new members so I'd thought it was appropriate to once again post this wonderful letter that a fellow mom sent to me.

To You, My Sisters
by Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you?
out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and?
in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are?
well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words?
ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul.?
You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are?
my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite?
sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen?
to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not?
for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership,?
but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in?
obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We?
were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations,?
evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries. All?
of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were?
pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn,?
or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was?
fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does or?
over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed.?
Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of?
children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our?
children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy.?
Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some?
are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a?
different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose?
children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual?
respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever?
materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We?
know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the"?
treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the"?
degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our?
children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could?
become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what?
our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon?
the State to include augmentative communication devices in special?
education classes and mainstream schools for our companies the medical?
necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our?
children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have?
our children properly classified so they could receive education and?
evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means?
walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during?
"tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the?
person behind us in line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home
remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of?
children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear?
infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't?
understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want?
to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Peri Kingsley's "A Trip To?
Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our?
bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically?
handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and?
we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or?
treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction?
will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas?
of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind?
children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white?
chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to?
create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how?
we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not?
sure how we did it. We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax?
and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to?
Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we?
first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for?
the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing.?
Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will?
achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns?
and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and?
marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses?
and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing?
Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and?
their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed?
at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in?
all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is?
hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and?

our special children, reach for the stars.?

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Re: I love this letter

  • Thank you!  Even though I am in tears, it is exactly what I needed to hear (read) today, as I am having one of "those" days.  It is so nice to know that I am not the only one..

  • Ahh...Thank you for that!!
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  • Luckily the tissue box was close!  :)

    Thank you for posting that!  I love it!

  • Thank you.
    Photobucket Abby............12.27.07
  • That was so nice (and tear jerking, too)! When we started on this journey my DH and I said it felt like we were joining a special club (sorority did come to mind) - one we weren't sure we wanted to be members of.  Then our baby came and we loved her and felt like we were honored to be a part of this special club. 

    For the past almost 3 months we are spending our days and nights in a PICU at a children's hospital and we started to feel like we now have another club memebrship - another one we didn't ask for or want to join.  I watch my DD fight for her life and see how strong she is and hope we will "graduate" from this club, but will always look at another parent and feel we can empathize and sort of know when someone else becomes a member. 

    Thanks for posting!

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