- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
Lil J is at his visit
Just dropped Lil J off at his visit. This is his first visit since he was removed in Feb. I did meet his mother, just long enough to make the exchange.
He did recongize her, which was one of my big concerns. She thanked me and gave me a hug.
I was OK until I got to my car, that is where I lost it. Man, this is really hard.
I really do hope the best for his mother. Now I wait and hope I do not have a heart attack from now until 1:30.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lil J is at his visit
Oh - I KNOW she is NOT doing anything in her plan. She did a small part, that that was just to help herself not get into more legal trouble.
Since she is in another state, it is making the case so much harder.
She has a lot on her plan, so she has a long way to go.
My Blog
How often is Lil J suppose to meet with her and how long can she go with not completing her full plan before the courts revoke her parental rights? This is the part of the foster system that seems so flawed to me. I mean, I fully support reunification when in the best interest of the child - not the parent.
There is a court order in place that says she gets to see him each week for a 2 hour visit - and like I said, this is the first one.
Parents have 12-15 months to work their plan. That said, it is not like at 6 or so months, they can say, "well, she is not working her plan now, so we are going to term rights on her right now" They still have to give her a chance.
Is is fair? Not for Lil J. Not really for the case either. But, I can tell you, that if at 11.5 months the mom finallly decided to get her act together, well it might be too late. There are things that have to be done for a specific amount of time. Like proving that you were a success in certain areas.
For example, in most foster care cases, the parents have to go to some kind of parenting classes. If those classes last a few months (I have no idea), and you only start at month 12, well, too bad , so sad.
There are also things like house requirement and job requirements, treatment requirements, etc that must be consistent for a certain amount of time. It is not like you can get a job somewhere and then get you kid back the next week. You have to prove that it is a stable job, that you have been there for a while, etc.
There is TONS of un-knowns in the foster care system. But, at least now they do have timelines in place that if the parent does not get her act together within that time, well then actions are taken to terminate rights
My Blog
The system really does bend over backwards to help bioparents get their children back...and in many cases, they really should.
I agree until it is no longer in the best interest of the child. I wonder if too often the system actually bends over backwards to find what is in the best interest of the parent and not the child. But for every bundle of good apples, there is always a bad apple and the system should not penalize those parents who do just need a little help. Not seeing your child for many months and then showing up isn't always in the best interest of the child, imo. But hopefully she will be consistent from here on out. It would be a real travesty for lil J if bio-mom skips out again for a few months and keeps coming in and out of his life like that.
The visits will get easier, I promise! I lost it after they came to transport our first 2 babies. I was a blubbering idiot for the first 30 minutes they had left.
When I had to wait, I always made sure I either brought something to read/do OR traveled around looking at what was around.
I hope for Lil J's sake, the visit goes well. He'll most likely need extra hugs tonight. My FS had nightmares for days after each visit.
Come*on*baby is right - the visits do get easier for both of you. Hope the pick up went well.
My Blog