Special Needs

Anyone worried about this?

I'm already expecting #2 (they'll be 10.5 months apart!) and I'm starting to be nervous about something. No, not that #2 will wind up with a handicap too, but that Sammy will be JEALOUS that #2 ISN'T stuck with problems. His right hand is smaller and his thumb doesn't function properly (and surgery could only fix it cosmetically, he'd need a new hand for it to function like his left) and while right now it doesn't bug him too much (obviously there's things that he can't do...) I worry about the future when he'll have to deal with classmates.

Now I'm worried about a younger sibling teasing him or him being jealous that he was born "different" while #2 may or may not (who knows, right?) have a similar problem or be "fine".

One of my younger sisters was born entirely missing her hand, and I feel that I or my youngest sister never made fun of her or anything, and as the big sister I made sure that classmates laeft her alone... but since he IS the oldest... I dunno, he only has his parents to look out for him, and obviously we won't be at school every hour of the day.

Dumb things to worry about, I guess. :/

Re: Anyone worried about this?

  • Your second child will probably be just like you, very protective and will never make fun of your eldest's handicap.

    I am actually quite relieved that our second child, 2 years younger than ds, seems to be a typically developing child, so she can be an advocate for him, someone to protect him, and someone that will always be his friend, especially during the school age years.

  • I agree with pps.  I had twin sisters born 8 years younger than me.  One twin was developmentally typical and the other was SN (global developmental delay with ADHD dx).  Although my sisters are not the best of friends now, the "normal" one would always stick up for her sister when people said things, and during the younger school age years would always help and play with her. 

    One thought I have is I think my parents made a huge mistake by making the "normal" one responsible for the SN one.  I feel like this damaged their relationship and made my "normal" sister resent the other one somewhat.  Because they were both the same age, it was difficult for her to distingush that it wasn't the SN sisters fault that she was the way she was, but due to the restrictions and responsibilities my mom placed on her to help take care of my SN sister.  Anyways, I guess I would advise you not to place resonsibility on your "normal" child, but instead let them take point on how their relationship with your SN child will be.  They will love them and want to help no matter what, but I guess I am trying to say not make them be the advocate for your SN child in all situations away from home.  Kwim?

    imageimageimageimageimage 9/07 m/c baby boy @ 18wks, 4/09 m/c @ 4.5wks
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  • Well first, congratuations on your pregnancy.  You will certainly be busy :)

    I think sometimes it can be a love/like relationship with siblings.  I only have one, but I've heard from parents who have more children that non-sn children don't need as much attention or services, so sometimes they feel like they are left out.  Obviously as a child,  you can't process that this is needed and sometimes jealousy happens and children act out.  However, I do hear from those same parents that the siblings love to help their sn sibling as much as possible and sort of protect them, regardless of they're younger or older.  When playing in a group, the non-sn child is the sn-chid 'expert'  you know?  And they will take on that protector role. 

    There is a group where I live affiliated with the VNA that conducts monthly sib-shops.  It is for the non-sn children who have siblings who are sn.  They meet and talk about their feelings and do crafts, etc.  but it's their time.  From what I've heard from the parents it's been going really well for thier 

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  • imageAB&TB:

    One thought I have is I think my parents made a huge mistake by making the "normal" one responsible for the SN one.  I feel like this damaged their relationship and made my "normal" sister resent the other one somewhat. 

    I think this is great advice too, and something that didn't even cross my mind.  Good point!

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  • I don't see much jealousy between my DDs.  My middle DD is the one with celiac disease and we don't see much jealousy.  Sometimes my eldest resents how much our lives have changed since her sister's diagnosis and that is hard to see but it sounds like you won't have that issue. 

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  • My two are 13 months apart.  DD, the oldest, was born without her forearm, wrist, and left hand.  She wears a myoelectric prosthesis until she goes to bed at night.

    DS is only 17 months now and doesn't have any challenges like that, but I really don't see her being jealous of him.  I think they will each have things that challenge them in different ways.  They'll both have their battles like any other kid does.  But, more than this, I think it's been our goal from the beginning to do everything we can to instill self-esteem in DD.  All kids compare themselves to others, but I'm hoping to provide her with enough positive experiences and challenges to conquer that she learns that she is the only one she answers to--not everyone else's expectations.

    Although perhaps some jealousy is natural, I'm hoping that nurturing her attitude from the beginning will overshadow those feelings.  And so far, these two are turning out to be little buddies.  And DS is a bulldozer.  He is going to look out for her, and I'm sure she'll do the same for him.

    I think that's the beauty of two kids who are especially close in age.  They never knew life without the other.  Good luck!

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