The "fertiles" vs. "infertiles" post got me thinking about the "saving a child" debate.
I have stated many times that, although I am adopting simply because I want to parent, my husband and I specifically chose this path because we feel incredibly blessed, and wanted to share those blessings with a child who may not otherwise have that chance. The simple fact is that we will be improving that child's living situation, on the whole. Yes, I know there is loss involved with adoption, some of which is pointedly specific to international adoption, but on the whole, our child will be in better/healthier living conditions, have more opportunities, and most importantly, be surrounded by family and friends who love him/her.
Still, we are not adopting out of a desire to "save a child," but rather, to parent. We never sat around and talked about how great it would be to rescue a poor, desolate child. We discussed having children, raising them, and all the wonderful experiences we would have with them. When we decided to adopt, we first decided we were ready to introduce children into our family, and then decided that adoption fit our lifestyle and timeline better than trying for a biological child at the time. Because it was never a question of if we would adopt, but when, we decided that the next step in building our family was to start the adoption process.
For the record, I believe (and have said many times on this board) that it's okay to acknowledge that adopting a child is helping them. Adoption is a mutually beneficial solution to specific problems/needs/desires of all the people involved in the triad, and sometimes others, too. But that's exactly why the child isn't indebted to anyone--everyone benefits equally from the arrangement (not to mention that I don't tally up other's "debts" to me).
Besides, in most cases, the child is the only one involved that had no choice in the matter; it kind of seems counter-intuitive to hold a child responsible for something he/she had no control over. Oh yeah, then there's that whole thing about children being "needy" by nature. If you're going to hold them accountable for the fact that you adopted them, are you going to expect them to "owe" you for everything you do for them as a parent? If so, you're bound to resent them in the not-too-distant future.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I think the problem/red flag arises when a person thinks/feels that a child should be grateful for being adopted, not specifically when they go into adoption with the hopes of bettering a child's life. Sometimes people do things to help others without expecting restitution or even gratitude.