Parenting after a Loss

should I go to the funeral? (long)

DH's uncle was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in November. We just got the call that he will probably not make it through the night. He is 58 -- married with 3 college-aged kids. He was perfectly healthy prior to November. We are in shock and very very sad.

The funeral will be in New Jersey. We live in MA. We're guessing the funeral will be this weekend which means we'll have to travel during the holiday weekend. DD does really horrible in the car and it will be a really long, trafficy drive. We are considering flying instead. She has been sick with a bad cold for the last week so I'm not sure what to do.

I am close with DH's mom and his aunt. And this has always been DH's?favorite uncle. I feel like I should be there. And I know it will mean a lot to MIL for DD to be there.

But I'm not sure it makes sense to take her considering she has been sick for the past week. I just really don't know what to do. There is nobody I could leave her with. Either we bring her or I don't go at all. WWYD?

Re: should I go to the funeral? (long)

  • What about a train?
  • I would probably go.
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  • imagejustgnat:
    What about a train?

    We thought about that too. But we'd have to bring a car seat and a PNP and a stroller. I feel like that would be a lot harder on a train than on a plane. At least you can check things on the plane and then not have to worry about them. And of course the plane's a lot quicker. But it's still a thought.?

  • I would go.  I'm sure it will be difficult, but it would probably mean the world to his aunt.

    DD1 - 12.25.05
    (m/c 1.17.07, m/c 5.15.07)
    DS - 03.15.08
    DD2 - 12.03.09
    DD3 - 3.28.11
  • i think if you travel at off hours, the traffic won't be awful.  i'd try to go.

  • Do you think it would be bad to take her on the plane if she's been sick??She REALLY REALLY hates the car. :(
  • I don't know if I would take ds if he was sick on a plane esp given all the crap that has been going around.  If she is so miserable on land she may be worse on the plane with the pressure and all.  If she is feeling better then take her.  I would think everyone would understand you not bringing her due to an illness even though I am sure they would want to see you both.
  • could you leave at night, when she's sleeping? and drive through the night? ds really hates the car too (although not really really).

    so sorry to hear about your dh's uncle.

  • imageMoinMoin:

    could you leave at night, when she's sleeping? and drive through the night? ds really hates the car too (although not really really).

    so sorry to hear about your dh's uncle.

    That is a really good idea. She will sleep in the car if she's tired so this might work. Plus we would avoid all the traffic too. Thank you.?

  • I'm not sure where in NJ you would be travelling to, but a toddler just died from swine flu about 2 miles from where we live.  I'd be really cautious about travelling w/a child who has a compromised immune system.  Could your DH just go w/o you?  I'll keep your uncle in my thoughts.

  • image847Christine:

    I'm not sure where in NJ you would be travelling to, but a toddler just died from swine flu about 2 miles from where we live.? I'd be really cautious about travelling w/a child who has a compromised immune system.?

    Wow I did NOT know this. Now I'm even more torn. Ugh. And I forgot to mention that I'm sick too. And pregnant of course with a compromised immune system...?

  • I would go. If you're concerned about the flu, take the car and go at night. I think your DH's aunt will appreciate the support.

    I am again sorry for your DH's loss. Speaking as someone whose life was touched by the loss of someone to pancreatic cancer(FIL), it's a very hard time since the disease moves so fast :(

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