Parenting after a Loss

What is the difference between all these sleep methods & CIO methods?

Ferber, Sleep Easy, Sleep lady, etc. In some ways, they are all the same it seems.

DD quality of sleep seems to be taking a turn for the worst. She cries out a lot in her sleep when she used to do it minimally. Sure she may put herself back to sleep majority of the time (except for this 11pm wake up I dont understand.) but her crying out so much cannot = quality sleep. We still rock her but mostly b/c we want to (surprisingly DH included) and love it so much but I know it needs to stop eventually.

I am telling you I have just about tried everything to figure out what is causing this but now I feel like it is just a habit.

Most of you know how I feel about CIO (flat out chicken ***) and I do not necessarily think its the right decision at this point. I have read the Sleep Lady but it seems to address how to create good habits from the beginning rather than address already existing problems.

Can someone help me or direct me in the right direction? I feel like I need a giant overview of each method. I dont want to buy a whole bunch of books. I really have no idea what I am getting at but I am just confused. TIA!

Re: What is the difference between all these sleep methods & CIO methods?

  • Not sure.... I haven't used any CIO methods, mostly because I haven't HAD to.  I think it all comes down to mother's intuition and if what Hailey needs is to learn how to self soothe or if she needs her mommy or daddy to come help her out a little.

    I think when it comes down to it, YOU know what is best for her. 

    I don't ever let Avery CIO - because I know that if she's fussing/crying at all, she only needs a little soothing before she is back fast asleep.  If she was up every 10 minutes all night, it would be a different story, ya know?  I want Avery to know that I will be there when she wakes up - sort of as a reward for her usually going to sleep so easily and willingly. 

    Good luck!

  • imagesdkrlm:

    Not sure.... I haven't used any CIO methods, mostly because I haven't HAD to.  I think it all comes down to mother's intuition and if what Hailey needs is to learn how to self soothe or if she needs her mommy or daddy to come help her out a little.

    I think when it comes down to it, YOU know what is best for her. 

    I don't ever let Avery CIO - because I know that if she's fussing/crying at all, she only needs a little soothing before she is back fast asleep.  If she was up every 10 minutes all night, it would be a different story, ya know?  I want Avery to know that I will be there when she wakes up - sort of as a reward for her usually going to sleep so easily and willingly. 

    Good luck!

    She is soooo easy to put down. We rock her for maybe 5 minutes. When she does wake I give her a little bit of water and she goes back to sleep. Maybe a 10 minute process. This is way I am reluctant to try any CIO. After the 11pm wake she sleeps just fine until she wakes at 6:30ish (goes to be at 7pm). It just the first couple hours she seems to toss and turn. I tried everything, is she too hot, too cold you name it. =/

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  • M, I was totally and completely chickensh*t about CIO too. Seriously, I was a mess. And Leo was the same way- he would just wake for a little bit and I could get him right back down with the paci or just some soothing, or a few ounces twice a night during his "regular" night feedings.

    However- it took ONE night of him realizing that he needed to self soothe, and he figured it out. If you actually do Ferber, you still do go in there and talk to them and can even lay a hand on her or whatever... I went in and told Leo that I loved him and it was ok and that I;d be right down the hall, and I swear, he understood. I've met Hailey and she is a little spitfire and I am SURE she understands  what you say to her... so I bet it wouldn't be that hard. You could always try it one night and see how bad it is, ya know? It was wayyyy easier than I thought it would be. At a younger age I don't know if I could;ve done it, but even at Leo's age, I think he's old enough to handle it....GL!

  • I don't let dd cio. I also think that if she's crying, there is a reason. Whether it's just that she misses me, needs a diaper change, hungry, etc. I rock dd to sleep as well.?

    I finally got to the point where I realized that she can't be hungry every 2 hours at night. It had to be a habit that she was waking up so much. Especially since tylenol & ibuprofen wasn't working. So it wasn't teething either.

    I'm doing a modified sleep lady. I am just rocking dd when she wakes up. I unfortunately set dd up to equate nursing with going to sleep. SO now i'm working on breaking that habit. If dd cries, fusses, babbles, etc while I'm rocking her, it's hard, but I know that I'm doing just about everything I can to soothe her. If I put her in the crib her screaming just escalates & wakes her fully and that's not what we want.

    Is she teething? DD was a mess last night from the teething. She would whimper in her sleep, cry out in pain and then after 12:30am she was sleeping longer than the beginning of the night.

    Maybe she had gas and had some gas pains. ?

  • i don't have an overview of all the methods but i posted this above and yesterday that I thought the No Cry Sleep Solution or Dr. Sears Sleep book is a good read to understand infant sleep. No Cry Sleep Solution  if you don't want use CIO methods.  We never did CIO with DD1 mostly b/c we didn't want to - I had reservations but surprisingly DH had even more. We read enough to know it wasn't for us or our daughter.  Didn't make me a chicken, just more AP than most I guess.  I didn't read No Cry until DD1 was 6 or so months so I wasn't too late to start to help her sleep better, she addresses each age group and even toddlers.  For me, I think the important thing is to not stress so much about the future and stopping what you are doing now if it works b/c in 3,6, 9 months you'll still be doing it.  Enjoy the moments while you can.  Believe me, my 3.5 yr old would never want to be rocked now so I cherish the middle of the night moments with my 4 mos old b/c I know they will be over before I know it. 

     

     

     

     

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  • imageMrs.Mclstar48:
    imagesdkrlm:

    Not sure.... I haven't used any CIO methods, mostly because I haven't HAD to.  I think it all comes down to mother's intuition and if what Hailey needs is to learn how to self soothe or if she needs her mommy or daddy to come help her out a little.

    I think when it comes down to it, YOU know what is best for her. 

    I don't ever let Avery CIO - because I know that if she's fussing/crying at all, she only needs a little soothing before she is back fast asleep.  If she was up every 10 minutes all night, it would be a different story, ya know?  I want Avery to know that I will be there when she wakes up - sort of as a reward for her usually going to sleep so easily and willingly. 

    Good luck!

    She is soooo easy to put down. We rock her for maybe 5 minutes. When she does wake I give her a little bit of water and she goes back to sleep. Maybe a 10 minute process. This is way I am reluctant to try any CIO. After the 11pm wake she sleeps just fine until she wakes at 6:30ish (goes to be at 7pm). It just the first couple hours she seems to toss and turn. I tried everything, is she too hot, too cold you name it. =/

    Yeah, to me, it doesn't sound like CIO is as needed as if she was NOT going to sleep, etc.  

     

  • I second everything Sueball said. I thought "sleep training" meant a whole long painful process replete with crying and nothing could be further from the truth. It took all of ONE DAY..not even..one nap maybe and only one of them cried, and it was less than 15 minutes. After that it was a piece of cake.

    Basically Ferber is sort of the "granddaddy" of sleep training that all other methods essentially tweak. Ferber is a sleep neurologist, and his book is really a primer about sleep in general (how it works, how it differs in young infants, etc). Like you I am super busy and didn't really want to read all about sleep, but I ended up getting sucked in and it was fascinating and illumination. For instance, you mention that your daughter tends to wake up at 11pm and then sleeps clear throught o 6. According to Ferber, it may be that 11pm is her real sleep time, and when she falls asleep earlier, that is really actually her evening nap. In that case, you would recognize that and then work on gradually moving that 11pm "bed time" up in 15 increments until she is where you want her to be (ie 8 or 8:30 etc.)

    Also, while rocking to sleep is effective and you both like it, you are in essence training her to only fall asleep while being rocked. Thus, when she wakes up during the night (as all babies and indeed all adults do) she can't go back to sleep herself because the conditions under which she fell asleep have now been changed. Does that make sense?

    Anyway, I would really read the book. There is way too much good info in there to summarize because there are so many scenarios. You can skip a lot of the chapters because they relate to older kids.

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